love can last forever
by bellsbigbrowneyes
Summary: this is the twilight story in edwards pov.what does edward feel in tilight!: there is so much of his thoughts to write down: r&r disclamer:nothing belongs to me
1. devil girl

CHAPTER ONE

_Do you suppose Edward will actually go to school with us today?_

he hast to, if he doesn't the humans will get suspicious

I wish there wasn't a law requiring us to be in school. I hate pretending to be this young.

If Edward gets expelled then I'm dropping out. I've already got four diplomas.

I keep waiting for Alice to see something.

Maybe he shouldn't go back. I've never seen him so worked up over a human. What if he can't resist?

I've hunted with him every day this week. If he can't resist after that, then that's his problem.  
  
Similar conversations have been going on for forever, driving me to the brink of my own sanity. It's unfathomable to me that my family doubts my ability to resist the human girl's blood, even though I even doubt myself. I've always been one of the strongest in the family. It has been years since I drank from a human. i think I am trying to convince myself but I guess since I started I may as well go on. I had been wising that I could be as good as Carlisle but that idea was soundly crushed with the arrival of Isabella Swan.

It's maddening, embarrassing even to consider how one insignificant little girl could alter my life by simply walking into a room and sitting next to me. It was as if the Devil himself had set a trap for me, and the dark haired child with the deliciously potent blood was the bait. I had called on every ounce of my strength to keep from taking what I so desperately desired from her right there in that classroom full of unsuspecting children. _she_ is lucky that I haven't tasted human blood in so long that I could only just manage to get away from her.

_So, is he coming or not?_

I haven't seen him this morning. I know he was out last night.

He's been out every night this week.

I can't take this anymore. I have to move on. I cannot allow such a common human to stand in the way of the existence we have built here in Forks. Nor can I continue to let my family believe that I would put them at risk by my behavior. I'm stronger than this. I can withstand temptation.

It wouldn't be so difficult if I could only hear her mind. If I had any idea what thoughts were going through that head, I might be able to better persuade the beast within me to let her go. If her thoughts were as sweet and innocent as I assumed them to be, it would be much easier to convince my own mind that she wasn't to be touched. As it is, I can't read her at all. She is like a blank to me, which is dangerous to consider. My eyes tell me she is human, but without the aid of her childlike mind, all I can focus on is the scent of her blood.

This is something my family doesn't know about. They know I crave her blood, for that was something I thought they needed to be aware of. But I haven't told anyone, not even Carlisle, that I can't hear the girl's mind. I can't explain why, which both worries and frightens me. It surprised me to no end when I looked at her and found a void. Until I can manage to get past whatever barrier blocks her mind from me, I don't intend for my family to know about the issue.

I took a deep breath and let it out very slowly in a rather mortal attempt to calm my troubled nerves. To have any hope of lasting through the day, I will have to stay focused and composed. This girl is not going to ruffle me. I won't let her.

_We're going to be late. I say let's go._

Since when are you in such a hurry to get to school?

Since I have a test this morning and I really hate being rushed.

I rolled my eyes at their bickering and decided to put an end to the speculation of the morning. I took the steps two at a time, offering what I hoped was a bright and encumbered smile when I came to a stop next to them. "Yes, I'm going."

Rosalie smirked at me. "Chancing fate then, are you? Or are you just anxious to see if she really is as delicious as you had imagined?"

"I didn't imagine it," I bit out. "And I would appreciate it if you didn't goad me about the situation."

Her eyes went wide. "Pardon me."

She turned to Emmett and said, "You know, I always thought that hunting made Edward less irritable to be around. Although, given the amount he's consumed this last week, maybe he is suffering from indigestion."

"Rosalie," Carlisle's voice sounded from the far side of the room. "That's enough."

With a loud thud, Jasper jumped to the foot of the stairs. He smiled eagerly around at all of us. "Alice says it's going to snow sometime today. We'd better bundle up."

Emmett's eyes darted to mine and we both broke out in an infectious chuckle. "Snow," he said slowly, his brows rising up.

"Are you challenging me?" I grinned.

"What's the current score?" he asked.

"I think Edward's up by three points," Alice answered for me, lightly making her way down the steps.

"I'll be up by four this afternoon," I said, slipping into my coat.

Emmett laughed. "You wish."

Snow fights, especially wet ones, were always looked forward to, and today was no exception. Emmett and I had been keeping a tally of our battles for years now. The actual score was outrageous, but we usually kept track of who was ahead and just went from there. Snow was a distraction we could easily afford. I loved messing in the cold, wet mush as it was one of the few things on this Earth that actually felt cold in my hands. We all did well in the winter and could tolerate it much better than any human. It was nice to have something else to expect other than the impending and possibly dangerous meeting with Miss Swan.

Feeling a bit lighter than I had just moment's ago, I climbed into my car, along with the other younger members of my family, and sped off towards the school. Jasper and Emmett were making plans for their attack while Rosalie listened on with a warning in her eyes, making it plainly clear she wanted no part of the sport, or more specifically, the possibility of getting wet. Alice only laughed at them all and refused to tell whom she suspected would win this particular challenge.

We arrived at school just before classes were to start, which meant we all had to hurry in order to not be counted tardy. It also meant that I wasn't given a chance to see Isabella. Instead, I was forced to resort to letting my mind drift over the meaningless teenage conversations until I could find her. Well, not her, but at least I could find who was talking to her…or focusing on her.

Mike's underdeveloped mind was easily found. A week ago I had scoffed at his lust for this girl whom he hardly knew. I remember laughing at lunch with my brothers and sisters about how all the teenage boys had all taken notice of the 'fresh meat' in the school. Looking back on the comment, I found it amazingly ironic that I had labeled her as such.

I spent the rest of the morning listening in on the mind of that tiny girl with all the fuzzy hair. Jessica. I'd never really noticed her before, but it seemed she had formed a friendship with Bella, and her mind was simple enough that I hardly even struggled to hear her. To my disappointment, I hadn't learned very much about Bella other than she hated the cold and preferred to be called Bella instead of her full name. Not much to go on, but at least it was a start.

On my way to the lunchroom, I was pummeled by half a dozen snowballs. As much as I wanted to have the chance to actually look at the girl who had set my existence upside down, my pride wouldn't allow me to retreat from my brothers without a fight. I picked up a chunk of wet snow with my bare hands and gave as good as I got. We had to be cautious, though, and not use our natural skill for fear of being observed by the passing humans. Even still, it didn't take long before our efforts left us all completely covered. Knowing it would cost me points, but not really caring, I let Emmett win this round and headed for indoors, brushing off some remnants of snow from my shoulders and shaking out my wet hair.

Alice and Rosalie were already sitting at our usual table with a few trays of food when I arrived in the cafeteria. I plopped down next to Rosalie who grimaced and leaned away from me. "Don't even think about getting me wet," she warned.

"How about me?" Emmett said from over her shoulder. Water fell from his body onto her hear.

"Emmett," she scolded as she tired to wipe it off. "Don't ruin my hair."

He leaned in close to her. A little too close for a normal teenage boy and his girlfriend. 

I turned my focus to Jasper, who was taking a seat next to Alice, only to find him giving her a similar look. It was a subtle reminder once more that I was the odd man out in our family.

"All right, cut it out. All of you," I said quietly. "You'll draw attention."

"Speaking of attention," Jasper said, "She's looking at you."

"Who?" But it was silly to ask because I knew exactly whom he meant.

My eyes flashed over to her table to find her staring directly at me. Immediately her eyes darted down to look at the table, a curtain of hair blocking me from seeing her face. The girl with her, Jessica, leaned in to tell her I was still watching. I could hear her plain and simple thoughts so clearly it was ridiculous. It's almost an insult to have to resort to such means, but I needed to know what Isabella was thinking.

_Oh, his eyes. He's so cute. I wish he would look at me like that._

Angry? No, he looks…interested. Bella is so lucky!

Like you? I don't think he likes anyone outside of his family.

Okay. I'll stop looking. But, oh Bella, if he were looking at me like he's looking at you…oh wow.

It was like listening in to one side of an adolescent phone conversation. I have to remind myself from time to time that nearly everyone in the building is adolescent, but it doesn't mean I have to enjoy the low level of their thoughts. It frustrated me that the one mind I was desperate to read was the only one I couldn't access.

"What is she thinking?" Jasper asked.

"Why do you want to know?" I replied, not wanting to give away the fact that I haven't a clue what was going on in her mind.

"Morbid curiosity," he said with a grin. "After the way you described your last meeting, she's got to be confused."

Alice leaned forward. "Not to mention that you haven't been here for a week. She's probably scared of you."

I pulled my eyes away from the girl and frowned over at Alice. "She should be afraid of me, but I…don't want her to be."

"Why not?" Jasper asked.

"Because it isn't my intention to frighten her or anyone else in the town. If we're going to stay here for another few years, I don't want the humans to be afraid of us."

"Hey, I don't mind that they are afraid of me. If they fear me, then they will leave me alone, and the less I have to deal with humans the better I feel," Jasper admitted.

Alice rolled her eyes at him. "But you're still going to class, aren't you Edward?" asked Alice.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Well look at her." She pointed over to where Bella was still hiding behind her hair. "It looks to me like she wants to avoid you at all costs. What is she thinking about anyway?"

I glanced back over at her, knowing there would still be a blank but hoping beyond hope that I could pick up on one of the others' minds to find what she was thinking. To my disappointment, everyone was discussing the snow. Everyone except Bella. I called on the earlier conversation for my information.

"She thinks I'm angry at her. That I…don't like her."

Jasper laughed out loud at this. "Quite the contrary, huh?"

I ignored him. "And she doesn't want to be part of the snowball fight that they are planning for after school." 


	2. bella isn't a normal teenage girl

CHAPTER TWO

As lunch drew to a close, I purposefully waited for Bella to leave first. Rosalie and Alice were too busy teasing Jasper and Emmett over the loss of their snowball challenge due to the fact that it was now raining to even notice that I wasn't walking with them. I watched Bella enter the classroom and take her seat at the table that had once been mine and mine alone. From the doorway, I saw her pull out a pen and begin scribbling on the back of her notebook like any typical teenage girl. For a brief moment I considered her as just another normal human being. Whatever encouragement I felt was dashed when I tried to focus on her mind. Unsurprisingly, she was a void to me. Whatever she was thinking, the thoughts were closed to me.

But I could still smell her.

Mr. Banner, the biology teacher, was already passing out the tools we would need for the class. The bell would ring any minute. It was now or never. If I was going to participate in class, I had to sit next to her. Keeping my sense of smell in check by slowing my breathing, I made my way over to my seat and joined her at the table, making sure I was as far away from her as possible.

"Hello," I offered, wanting to make it clear to her that I wasn't angry and that I most certainly didn't hate her. More importantly, I wanted to make her forget my initial reaction to her. For reasons unknown to me, I didn't want her thinking poorly of me.

Her whole body shifted as she turned to look at me. Her breath hitched and I caught the scent of her in my nostrils. Dear God, her scent was delicious. So sweet. So tempting. Her eyes were so full of emotion. I felt as if I could get lost in the depths of those eyes. The only word that came to mind was…beautiful.

"My name is Edward Cullen," I started once I found my voice again. "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."

I internally scolded myself for the introduction. Humans normally shook hands when formally introduced, and the last thing I needed right now was an open invitation to touch her, regardless of the innocence behind the gesture. To my luck, she merely looked up at me as if she hadn't heard me correctly. Without being able to read her thoughts, I wasn't sure if she was confused or just annoyed with me.

"H-how do you know my name?" came the reply.

I laughed. Of all the things she could have asked me, this was not the question I expected. After all the lusty thoughts I overheard coming from every teenage male in this building last week, how could I _not_ know her name? "Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive."

She made a face, which left me awestruck, but again I couldn't place the meaning. It's been so very long since I've actually had to concentrate on just facial expressions for the meaning behind certain reactions that I found it impossible to understand her clearly.

"No," she said. "I meant, why did you call me Bella?"

Again she caught me off guard. This whole idea of not knowing what question was coming next was really aggravating. "Do you prefer Isabella?" I asked, even though I had heard her friends referring to her with the shortened version of her name.

"No, I like Bella," she confirmed. "But I think Charlie — I mean my dad — must call me Isabella behind my back — that's what everyone here seems to know me as."

"oh" god I can be an idiot sometimes of course I wouldn't know that.  
Saving me from embarrassment, the instructor began explaining the daily assignment of identifying slides of onion root tip cells in different phases of mitosis. I could do this assignment with my eyes closed I'd done it so many times, but as was the case in all my classes, I had to play along. Biology and history were the two classes I found it most difficult to sit through and pretend I was actually learning something. I'd lived through the last century, so both World Wars were common knowledge to me.

On those same lines, it would be impossible for anyone to live nearly a hundred years with Carlisle and not know the basics of biology. I was even more knowledgeable on the subject, having twice been through medical school to help supple Carlisle with current techniques and information. This time, however, pretending to be an ordinary student in a biology class meant I had to work closely with a human whose very scent captivated me beyond all reason. I forced a smile at her and asked, "Ladies first, partner?"

The look she gave me was so totally pensive I didn't quite know what to make of it. Maybe she wasn't comfortable going first? Maybe science was her worst subject?

"Or I could start, if you wish," I offered when she remained silent.

"No," she said, blushing so deeply that my eyes were transfixed to her face. "I'll go ahead."

I watched as she fitted the slide under the microscope. Her hands were so delicate. Her skin so pale - except for the pink tint still lingering on her cheeks. It was amazing to watch the color fade from her skin as she relaxed into the moment. Every move she made drew me into her more and more. It was riveting to watch her, and maddening at the same time.

She declared the slide to be prophase and started to remove it from its place. "Do you mind if I look?" I asked, and without even realizing what I was doing, I grabbed her hand with mine.

Heat. So warm. So enticing.

Glorious.

I quickly pulled my hand away from hers, suffering immediately from the loss of the sensation and wanting nothing more than to grab hold of her again and never let go. I would willingly burn up under her touch if she would let me. I had to keep my hands to myself. I couldn't allow myself to touch her again, no matter how small the contact.

Trying to act casually about the contact, I looked at the slide and found that she was right. I switched to the second slide and knew right away that it was anaphase. She wanted to check my work, which made me feel slightly challenged that she would doubt my ability. It wasn't often that a human challenged me so directly, and I was surprised to find that I rather liked the idea of Bella contesting my knowledge. 

When she asked for the third slide, I carefully placed it in the palm of her hand, avoiding another chance of contact with the heat of her skin. We worked this way, back and forth, through all five slides and finished long before any of the other tables. I glanced at the clock, worried about what we would do for the remainder of the class.

My eyes were drawn to her again, taking note of how uncomfortable she looked sitting next to me in silence. I was so pleasantly surprised at her aptitude. She hadn't missed a single answer, nor had she taken much time to consider her answers. There had to be more intelligence to her than the other humans she was growing close to. If only her mind was open to me, I could see just how intelligent she was. I would hear what she thought about me. I would know what to say to her to make her feel more at ease.

But she shouldn't be at ease around me. It would be too dangerous for her to ever feel comfortable around me.

Her captivating eyes met mine questioningly. "Did you get contacts?"

The randomness of her query left me dazed. "No."

"Oh, I thought there was something different about your eyes."

Instantly I looked away from her. How had she noticed something like that? And how dare she ask me about it? No human had ever noticed such details and lived to comment about it, especially a human from whom I so desperately craved to drink. I wasn't thirsty in the slightest and yet I knew could drink from her until every last drop of blood was consumed. Was it possible that at some base level she had grown aware of my unspeakable desires towards her? Is that why she was so observant about my eye color?

The instructor came to our table and checked over our work. I could hear his thoughts right away and knew he actually assumed I completed the lab without Bella's aid. Wanting to give credit where credit was due, I explained that she had done more of the identification than I had. To my surprise, Bella admitted that she had done the lab once before but with another set of slides. In an age where most humans would have passed the ease of the assignment off on their personal brilliance, I was left speechless by her honesty.

When the teacher walked away, Bella went back to scribbling on her notebook. I didn't know how I would manage to get through another five minutes in silence sitting next to her without my ability to hear her thoughts. The only minds I heard were those of the other students as they tried to figure out the phases on the slides. Dull. Mind-numbing. I needed a distraction from the tediousness of the room — from the power of her scent.

"It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" I asked in my most casual and friendly voice.

She peeked at me from the corner of her eyes. "Not really."

Of course she wouldn't be disappointed about the melted snow. "You don't like the cold," I stated, remembering clearly how she avoided joining in on the snowball fight conversation at lunch.

"Or the wet," she added.

"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live."

"You have no idea."

Her face twisted in the most beguiling way as she talked. It was so bizarre to hear the words tumble out of her mouth when I had no inclining of how her mind was working. Fascinating. 

"Why did you come here, then?"

"It's…complicated."

"I think I can keep up," I said hoping that I could back that up. I couldn't remember the last conversation I had with anyone without the aid of hearing their mind as they spoke. Humans hardly ever said exactly what they were thinking. They censored so many of their thoughts it was pathetic.

She told me about her mother getting remarried last September. "And you don't like him," I concluded from the sadness I heard in her voice. But when she responded by explaining that her stepfather was young but fine, I was left with the ever-growing feeling of confusion. "Why didn't you stay with them?" I asked, curious to solve this little puzzle she had placed before me.

"Phil travels a lot. He plays ball for a living."

Baseball. The information made me smile. "Have I heard of him?"

"Probably not. He doesn't play _well_. Strictly minor league. He moves around a lot."

That explained everything for me. "And your mother sent you here so that she could travel with him." Humans really could be unfeeling creatures.

She frowned at me and thrust her chin up in defiance. "No, she did not send me here. I sent myself."

Now, I was totally lost. Why would she willingly move here if she hated cold and wet when such a move wasn't necessary? "I don't understand."

She sighed and the scent of her sweet breath made my head spin. "She stayed with me at first, but she missed him. It made her unhappy…so I decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie."

"But now you're unhappy," I said, noting the unmistakable slump in her shoulders and the way her voice dipped lower as she explained the situation.

"And?" 

She was challenging me again. "That doesn't seem fair."

She laughed a cold laugh that I couldn't comprehend. Again her scent left me breathless. "Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair?"

"I believe I _have_ heard that somewhere before."

"So that's all," she finished.

But it wasn't all. There was more to her…so much more that curiosity began to consume me. I needed to know more about this amazing human. I needed to get inside that mind and examine just how it worked. It was almost as powerful a need as my thirst for her blood. She was clearly miserable here. My eyes told me that much at least. Yet she seemed determined to pass off her feelings as insignificant and unimportant.

"You put on a good show," I said slowly. "But I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see."

She frowned again. Was she annoyed with me again or had I got it right?

"Am I wrong?" I asked after a moment.

She shifted away from me, ignoring me. She didn't want to talk, to oppose me. She hadn't kept quiet about anything I was wrong about all hour…until now. Which confirmed that I was right.

"I didn't think so," I said, feeling confident in my conclusion.

"Why does it matter to you?" she snapped without even meeting my eyes.

"That's a very good question," I said softly, admitting to her what I had been wondering myself. I didn't have a good answer for why I was so interested in her. Why was I so fascinated by the expressions of her face? Why did I continue to pester her to talk to me just so I could hear the tone of her voice? Craving her blood was one thing, but I had no real explanation for why I was so mesmerized by every other quality she possessed.

I heard her sigh, her hot breath snapping me out of my thoughts. I glanced at her and saw the most perplexing scowl planted firmly on her face. Dear God, her face was the most expressive face I had ever seen.

"Am I annoying you?"

"Not exactly," she said, shifting her bright eyes from the blackboard to look at me. "I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read — my mother always calls me her open book."

For a moment I was rendered speechless. "On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read."

"You must be a good reader then."

"Usually," I said with a smile. It didn't escape my notice that her eyes flickered to my teeth. I would have to be careful with that in the future when near her. Those we hunt for prey are usually very attracted to our mouths. It makes it easer for us to drink from them, should we desire to do so. Even though I had every intention of restraining my urges where Bella was concerned, she could still be considered my prey. I was certain in that instant that were I to ask her to follow me outside after class, she would willingly do so.

The teacher called for the class's attention and began his typical instruction. Thankfully, I already was familiar with the content of the lesson, for there was no way I could keep my mind on Mr. Banner with Bella Swan sitting next to me. It was a mistake to let my mind consider her my prey. My thoughts had drifted off on a treacherous course as I contemplate the many ways I could so effortlessly persuade the girl to let me have what I wanted. She flicked her hair and her fragrance fell over me, drugging me and tempting me to give in to my desire. I shifted as far away from her as was possible and longed for the end of the class.

An agonizing twenty minutes passed before the bell rang. I was out of my seat and rushing from the room as swiftly as I could without drawing too much attention to myself. Once I was a safe distance away from her, I let my eyes seek her out, curious to see her face one last time and try to measure her reaction to our time together.

The boy — Mike — was with her again. What a simpleton.

And then I heard my name in his mind.

_Cullen sure looked cozy with you._

Yeah, why was he so weird last Monday? If I had you as a lab partner…all that time to talk…just me and you. I wouldn't sit at the far end of the table, I can tell you that! Someday I'll get my chance.

An unknown feeling swelled in my chest. I couldn't place it, but all I knew what that the idea of Bella spending time alone with that boy was something on which I did not look fondly. I was incensed by the intention behind his thoughts, consumed by the need to hide her away from the world so no one ever thought about her that way again.

No one but me.

I forced myself to attend my next class, but only the stars know what the lesson was on. My mind was most decidedly on the unheard of reaction I had to the possibility of Bella being alone with another man. Not just a man, but _another_ man. A man who wasn't me. A man who didn't have her best intentions at heart. I couldn't very well say that my intentions towards her were exactly well founded, but at least I was doing everything in my power to behave civilly. Mike's intentions were obviously less than honorable, and given the lust I heard in his mind, he would do his best at seeing that wish come to fruition. I didn't like it. I didn't like it one bit.

But why did it even matter? That was what left me so perplexed. It wasn't as if I could have her. She was human…mortal…and I…would only hurt her. Still, I couldn't deny that I had never before been so caught up in another being — vampire or human. Quite simply, Bella Swan was amazing.

When the bell sounded, I headed out to my car to wait for my family. I stood outside the vehicle, even though it was raining. I didn't mind getting a little wet. It felt refreshing. Naturally, my eyes were instantly drawn to Bella when she exited the building. I couldn't even see all of her face, which was hidden under the hood of her coat, protecting her from the rain. She walked to an old, red pick up truck that I would have never guessed belonged to her. Once she was settled inside the cab, I saw her fluff her damp hair and imagined what it would smell like to be seated next to her. As if on cue her eyes flashed up to look back at me for a moment. 

The truck's engine growled and she mistakenly took off in reverse. The brakes squealed as she very nearly crashed into the Toyota behind her. The look of shock on her face was priceless. Eyes wide. Mouth open. And that intoxicating blush on her cheeks. I heard the shifting of gears, and the truck sped off past me.

Oh yes, Bella Swan was amazing. Thoroughly and indisputably amazing.


	3. breaking the rules

CHAPTER THREE

During the night the world had turned into a winter wonderland of white. All of us, even Esme, delighted in the adventure and sport the snow and ice provided for us. Nighttime was often difficult to get through as there was so little to do. Unlike the hustle and bustle found in large cities such as New York or Chicago where we had lived previously, Forks provided for very little entertainment after dark. Thus, we couldn't resist the urge to slide down the slippery slopes of our yard and once again battle it out with snowballs.

Esme and Carlisle retired into the house around four, wanting to spend some time alone before his day shift at the hospital began. Alice and Rosalie went in a while later to ready themselves for the school day. Being wet with dripping snow was fine when no one but family was watching, but Rosalie always insisted on looking her best when she was around the humans.

"As if she could ever look ugly," Emmett chided once the females were out of earshot.

Jasper, Emmett, and I continued our sport well into the dawn. It wasn't until Esme called out to us that it was nearly time for school to start that we abandoned the outdoors and prepared ourselves for the day ahead.

It was a slippery drive to school, but I didn't mind. I love to drive fast, and it's even more exciting when road conditions are less than perfect. At Jasper's request, and Alice's assurance that we wouldn't get caught, I took time to spin a few doughnuts in the parking lot of an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town. Even with the detour, we made it to school in plenty of time.

Outside in the open air of the school parking lot, I glanced around for Bella's truck, wondering if she had arrived safely. When I saw no sign of her or the antique vehicle she drove, I decided to stay and watch for her. There was absolutely no logical reasoning behind my actions. I couldn't even explain it to my brothers and sisters, opting instead to tell them I wanted to see if anyone had car trouble or would slide their way to class.

Little did I know how prophetic my reasoning would turn out to be. Had I been blessed with the gift of sight similar to Alice's abilities, I might not have been so eager to see a human in such a potentially dangerous situation. Once I realized which particular human had been destined for a nearly fatal brush with mortality, I regretted the way I anticipated the possibilities earlier. As it was, fate had pointed a cold and cruel finger at the very human I was waiting to see.

I was aware of her arrival not because I heard her mind or picked up her scent, but because the truck she drove was unmistakably identifiable. No one else drove a truck like that. She pulled in to a parking space easily and stepped out of her truck to examine the tires at the rear. I noticed the puzzled look on her face and wondered what she found so interesting about them.

It was in that moment that everything I knew, everything I had spent nearly a century working towards, changed.

Spinning on the black ice, totally out of control and with no hope of stopping, was a dark blue van. It's destination, the old, red truck. And there, standing between her vehicle and the skidding van, was none other than Bella Swan.

It was as if the air was ripped from my lungs and replaced with ice. If my chest had contained a beating heart, I know it would have stopped then and there. The only sound I heard was the bone-chilling squeal of the van's breaks. My mind went blank, unable to fully register what I was witnessing. All I knew was that in the next moment Bella Swan would be dead, and that was simply unacceptable.

_Not her!_ my mind shouted inside my head. _Take anyone else, but leave her alone!_

And then I moved. I don't even remember making the conscious decision to do so, and yet I raced forward with no consideration as to who might be watching or what the consequences of my actions would be. My body slammed against hers, knocking her down behind a neighboring car and pinning her beneath my weight just as the van crashed into the back end of the truck. From the way she landed, I gathered that she must have hit her head on the pavement

But fate wasn't finished with Bella yet. The spinning van swirled around and again headed right for the human I was now protecting. I swore under my breath and instinctively held out my hands, stopping the van from even touching her. I easily pushed the van away from her and pulled her legs to the side so that it would appear she hadn't been as close to death as it seemed. The van settled back down to the earth with a loud groan before silence filled the air.

As quickly as I could, knowing that in a second every student in the parking lot would be questioning what they had seen, I leaned down to make sure Bella really was unharmed. "Bella? Are you all right?" I asked, daringly taking her in my arms and holding her against me. She was so warm…so fragrant. Her heart was beating so quickly I could feel the blood pulsing in her body even though her heavy clothes.

"I'm fine," she muttered and tried to sit up.

"Be careful," I warned as I tried to hold her still. "I think you hit your head pretty hard." Thankfully, my senses told me that she wasn't bleeding. I couldn't begin to imagine what I might do to her if her blood was readily accessible.

"Ow," she muttered, touching her head.

I smiled in gratitude that her only injury was the bump on her head. "That's what I thought."

"How in the…" Her eyes, full of questions, looked up into mine. "How did you get over here so fast?"

She noticed. She saw. And she remembered.

It wouldn't do to have her know of my abilities. That was against the law. The one truth that every vampire is forced to live regardless of their nature to drink from humans or abstain - exposure is not allowed. I would have to convince her that what she thought she saw simply wasn't the truth.

"I was standing right next to you, Bella," I said pointedly.

She went to sit up and I was suddenly overcome with the scent of her. I released her and moved away, still eyeing her closely in case she tried to stand up. One day at medical school had taught me enough about human physiology to know that no one would be secure on their feet after what Bella just went though. It was best for her to stay still for a while.

Suddenly, a swarm of people huddled around us asking questions and shouting for someone to get Tyler out of the van. Tyler. One of Bella's male admirers. I didn't care for him much, but I certainly didn't want to see him injured. I hadn't been careful about the van when I shoved it away from Bella, and I hoped that the boy inside was fine.

My attention was concentrated so fully on Bella to give me time to worry for very long over the boy, though. As I assumed, she tried to stand up. I gently placed a hand on her shoulder to hold her down. "Just stay put for now," I instructed.

"But it's cold," she complained, which I found highly ironic given the heat I could feel radiating off of her body under my touch.

Then abruptly, she gaped at me and said, "You were over there. You were by your car."

I was almost pleased that she wasn't so easily convinced as I had presumed. "No, I wasn't."

"I saw you."

In the midst of all the chaos around us, I could tell she wasn't going to back down from this. It was time to turn on the charm. I looked her directly in the eyes and willed her to believe my words. "Bella, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way."

Her jaw clenched, but she couldn't look away. "No."

Not being able to read her mind had apparently put a damper on my powers of persuasion as well. I resorted to begging. "Please, Bella."

"Why?"

"Trust me," I softly pleaded

In the distance, a siren sounded, yet her eyes were still locked with mine. "Will you promise to explain everything to me later?"

I growled in frustration and gave in. Time was short and I had run out of options. "Fine."

"Fine," she echoed.

Before long, the ambulance had arrived and everyone involved was being treated…including me. I scolded myself for not thinking the whole thing through. Not only did I put my family's secret in jeopardy of being exposed by showcasing my strength in front of a human, but now there were also half a dozen EMT's wanting to take my vital signs…which I knew for a fact would be a literal dead give away that I wasn't exactly normal. Luckily, I was able to use my medical knowledge to convince them that I was fine and that their main focus should be on Bella.

She fought with them over having to wear the neck brace. She even fought with them about being on the stretcher, but I informed the medical personnel that she could possibly have a head injury and that pretty much sealed the deal on her care. When they loaded her into the ambulance, I insisted that I be allowed to ride with her. Not only was I anxious to make sure she really was fine, but I also needed to stay close to her until I had successfully convinced her about what happened.

Before I climbed into the front of the ambulance, I scanned the growing crowd of on lookers knowing that my family would certainly have come out to see what was wrong. I found them at the far end of the parking lot glaring at me. Well, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper were glaring. Alice simply looked worried.

_What did you do?_ Rosalie's mind screamed at me. _What did you do, Edward?_

You should not have interfered. Jasper scolded.

_This was a mistake._ Emmett sneered.

_Carlisle…take her to Carlisle._ Alice repeated over and over. _He will help._

I knew this wasn't the end of it, but for now I turned away from them and hopped into the front seat. A police car escorted us the short distance to the hospital, which was no surprise considering the man driving the car was Bella's father. His thoughts were a jumbled mess of concern and relief and regret that he hadn't been successful in keeping her safe in the short time she had lived with him. I gathered from my brief conversation with Bella that he tried too hard, teetering between being over protective and not protective enough.

We pulled into the emergency docking bay and Bella was taken right in for her examination. One of the nurses approached me, ready to assess the damage she assumed was done to my body. I could hear her mind going through the usual checklist of procedures and knew that the first thing she was interested in was taking my pulse. I held my hands behind my back and insisted that I was fine and in no need of an examination. She protested, but fortunately Carlisle stepped in and dismissed her.

"What happened?" he asked, pulling me down a quiet hallway.

"Bella was nearly hit by a car."

He winced. "Oh, no."

"She's fine. She might have a concussion, though."

"And where were you during all of this? I was specifically called down here because one of the EMT recognized you as my son and alerted the staff. You have no idea how perplexing it is to be told that your son, who you know can not be easily injured, will be arriving at the hospital in an ambulance."

"Yes, well you should have seen me attempting to avoid the nurse who wanted to take my pulse."

Carlisle stared at me darkly. "What happened?"

"I told you. Bella was very nearly crushed by a car."

"Then why are you here?"

"I…helped her. I was there."

"You were there." He shifted on his feet and pursed his lips in annoyance. "Edward, not everyone has your gift for mind reading. So, why don't we just avoid the argument and skip right to the facts. Tell me exactly what happened, because I know there is more to this than what you are telling me."

He finished by giving me that look that I dread. It's a look I've seen many times in the last eighty years or so. That look that makes me feel all of ten years old; that parental look that cuts right to the core of my being and pulls a confession out of me. How Carlisle did it, I doubted I would ever know. Esme could do it, too. In fact, she was even better at it. I suppose it was something they learned in their adult mortal lives that they were able to carry along with them through the change. Even though I had long ago left childhood behind me, I still found myself giving into Carlisle's demands whenever he looked at me like that.

"I saved her," I admitted.

"How?"

"I pushed her out of the way before the car could hit her."

"And that's it?" Carlisle still had that look etched onto his face.

"Yes… no…"

"Edward?

"All right. It was icy. I saw the car heading right for her and I…crossed the parking lot and pushed her down — pinned her down, covering her body with mine so that I would take the brunt of any hit that might occur."

"Crossed the parking lot?"

"Yes."

"You weren't standing next to her?"

"No."

He grimaced and I heard his mind perfectly. _That was stupid, Edward. You know better._

"And then what? After you pinned her down the ambulance came?"

"Well…the car was still spinning so I had no choice but to…" I faltered on my words as I held my hands out in front of me demonstrating what I had done.

"You stopped it?"

I nodded.

"With your hands?"

"I didn't have a choice, Carlisle. It was going to crush us."

"No, it would have crushed her — not you, and you did have a choice."

I gaped at him. "What was I supposed to do? Let the car hit her?"

Carlisle closed his eyes, his shoulders slumping slightly as he thought it through. _Compassion. I'm always encouraging them to show compassion for the humans. And now when he does, he places us all in danger. How can I make him see the error of his choice without stifling the efforts he is making to be more considerate?_

I spoke before he had a chance. "I realize it was a bad choice. I really do. But I couldn't let that car hit her. I just couldn't. She's too…special."

His eyes met mine. _Special? Compassion is one thing, but to have him label her in such a way is rather unexpected._

"I can't explain it," I said quietly. "I've been trying to figure it out…figure her out and I just…" My gaze lowered to the floor as a combination of guilt and frustration filled my chest.

There was a long silence before Carlisle spoke again. "Did she see you?"

I nodded, and the guilt deepened.

_Oh, Edward. The rules. You broke the rules. What have you done?_

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," I whispered. With a deep breath I looked back up at him. "Look, the fact remains that she hit her head. I'm guessing she has a concussion. It shouldn't be too difficult to convince her that she didn't see what she thought she saw. And even if she can't be convinced, who would believe her story anyway?" I knew I was deluding myself in thinking Bella could be persuaded that she imagined it all, but I had to at least try.

Carlisle hummed in thought. "It's possible. Let me go look at her X-rays and see how bad the damage is. I never thought I would ever hear myself saying this, but you had better hope that she does have a concussion."

Carlisle did some necessary paperwork on me, filling in all the details without ever stopping to make sure they were accurate. Heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature…it was all a lie of course, but he figured no one would believe that a doctor let his son walk away from a car accident without a thorough examination. He signed the bottom of the form and handed me the patient's copy.

"Thanks," I muttered.

He smirked at me and explained that he would be in to check on Bella once her X-rays came back. "You should go and make sure she has her story straight."

I nodded in agreement and headed for the area where Bella was being taken care of. She was still in the ER in a curtained off area that provided little to no privacy. The walk through the ER was a difficult one, but I managed it. I could smell the blood of wounded humans, the stench of sickness, and even sense the nearness of death, even though I was certain no on in my immediate vicinity was close to dying. How Carlisle maintained his sanity while surrounding himself with such powerful temptation always left me awe struck. I could never do it. Even though I had been to medical school, I had never practiced or even been a resident.

I entered the area where Bella was being administered to. Tyler, who had been driving the van, was in the bed next to her, mumbling apologies and cursing himself for his mistake. He looked a lot worse off than Bella, who had her eyes closed and her head turned away from him. She looked so peaceful and content that I would have guessed she was dead, had it not been for the slow and steady rise and fall of her chest. Not being able to hear her thoughts only added to the illusion.

"Is she sleeping?" I asked Tyler.

Bella's eyes flew open at the sound of my voice.

Tyler started in on his apologies to me. "Hey, Edward, I'm really sorry - "

I put up a hand to stop him from going any further. "No blood, no foul," I joked with a smile and took a seat on the end of his bed. "So, what's the verdict?" I asked, morbidly hoping there would be something wrong with her to stop her from questioning me about what happened. But my wish would not be granted.

"There's nothing wrong with me at all, but they won't let me go. How come you aren't strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?"

"It's all about who you know." I said, taking note that Carlisle was just outside the room. "But don't worry, I came to spring you."

He entered the room and picked up Bella's chart to look it over. I noticed that Bella's eyes went wide upon seeing him and she followed his every move. I squinted at her, wanting more than ever to know what she was thinking. If I didn't know any better, I would have guessed she found Carlisle very attractive…which didn't sit right with me in the slightest.

"So, Miss Swan. How are you feeling?" he asked in his most obvious doctor voice.

"I'm fine," Bella said, sounding as if she was growing tired of answering the question.

Carlisle turned on the light board beside Bella's bed. "Your X-rays look good." The words _No concussion, Edward_ came across loud and clear. "Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard." Again I heard _Let me try to find something to help you out._

"It's fine," Bella insisted, scowling at me as if it was my fault she hit her head instead of ending up crushed between two automobiles.

Carlisle probed along her skull, feeling for any tenderness. He obviously found something because Bella suddenly winced in pain.

"Tender?"

"Not really."

I couldn't help but laugh at her mad attempt to fool Carlisle. She really had no idea who she was dealing with if she thought she could get away with lying to him. If anyone could spot a lie, it was Carlisle.

To my surprise and dismay, Carlisle told her she could go home with her father. Oddly, Bella wanted to go back to school, again proving to me that she wasn't like any other teenager I'd ever encountered. What teen would chose to go to school when they had a perfectly logical excuse for taking the day off?

"Does _he_ get to go to school?" she said, indicating me.

"Someone has to spread the news that we survived."

Carlisle started to sign her release form and said, "Actually, most of the school seems to be in the waiting room."

"Oh, no," she groaned and covered her face in the most appealing way.

"Do you want to stay?" Carlisle asked.

"No, no!" Bella said and hopped off the bed so quickly that she nearly fell down. I jumped up to catch her, but Carlisle was closer.

"I'm fine," she said as if she, too, could hear Carlisle's impending question of "Are you all right?"

Instead he instructed her to take Tylenol if she had any pain, which, in typical Bella style, she brushed off. "It sounds like you were extremely lucky," he said, finishing off her paperwork with his messy signature.

"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me."

Carlisle's eyes darted to mine. _She knows, Edward. Fix this as soon as you can._ He fussed with the stack of papers he was holding and casually answered Bella by saying, "Oh, well, yes." He then turned his attention to Tyler, who would not be leaving the hospital that day.

Bella approached me and hissed under her breath, "Can I talk to you for a minute."

She smelled so sweet that I had to back away from her. "Your father is waiting for you," I said, hoping she would just let this go and move on. But that wasn't going to happen.

"I'd like to speak with you alone, if you don't mind."

I know it was rude of me, but I turned my back on her and walked to the other side of the room, turned the corner, and headed into a deserted hallway. I walked quickly, knowing very well from the sound of her shuffling feet that she was following me in spite of the trouble she was having keeping up.

"What do you want?" I asked, turning to face her.

She seemed puzzled. "You owe me an explanation."

"I saved your life — I don't owe you anything."

Her brows furrowed together, not in anger but with sadness at my cold words. "You promised."

I sighed, knowing she was right. "Bella, you hit your head, you don't know what you're talking about."

Now I could definitely see the anger in her expression. "There's nothing wrong with my head."

_Damn it_ I swore in my mind. _Why won't she give this up?_ "What do you want from me, Bella?"

"I want to know the truth. I want to know why I'm lying for you."

"What do you think happened?"

She spoke hurriedly, rambling on about how I was no where near her — that Tyler didn't even see me next to her. How I stopped the van with my hands. How I picked the van up and moved it off of her. By the end, tears were swelling up in her beautiful eyes. It pained me to look at her, to listen to the agony in her voice. She knew what she saw, but she was having difficultly believing it. I wished I could tell her she wasn't crazy — that I wasn't like her — that I saved her because she was special. But I couldn't. I had to make her believe my version of the story or my very existence would be in danger of exposure.

"You think I lifted a van off you?" I said purposefully.

She nodded shyly.

"Nobody will believe that, you know," I pointed out. Anyone she told would assume she was crazy or had imagined it all.

To my total surprise she said, "I'm not going to tell anybody."

Good. "Then why does it matter?"

"It matters to me. I don't like to lie — so there'd better be a good reason why I'm doing it."

Stars! She was so frustrating! "Can't you just thank me and get over it?"

"Thank you," she said with an edge to her voice.

Oh, how I wish I could hear her mind! I needed to know that she would get over this and move on. If she didn't, she would forever hold something over my head. I had foolishly given her and edge over me that put me and every single member of my family in danger. She had to let this go. But from the look on her stony face, that wasn't going to happen.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?" I voiced.

"No."

"In that case…I hope you enjoy disappointment."

Her eyes held mine in a fierce and intense stare. If I didn't know better, I would think she was looking directly into me…past me…into the core of my being. Color rose on her cheeks, so glorious and freshly pink. Her luscious mouth parted slightly as she inhaled.

"Why did you even bother?" she said grimly.

The question caught me completely off guard. How could I explain to her that she was a prize among humans? How would she react if I told her the thought of her death frightened me more than it was reasonable? The truth was, I didn't quite know why I had these feelings. I wasn't even sure what these feelings were, as I had never felt them before in my entire existence. I searched her face and gave her the only answer I could offer.

"I don't know."

I wasn't able to stay next to her for another moment. Everything about her, from her scent to the warmth of her breath, was penetrating my very soul. I walked away, desperate to clear my head and make sense of everything I was experiencing.


	4. i think he loves her

CHAPTER FOUR

I didn't return to school that day, which turned out to be a wise decision once I found what was waiting for me at home. I could hear the enraged thoughts coming from my family as I approached the house in my car. I was tempted to drive right by and avoid seeing any of them at all, but figured the longer I waited to confront the issues, the worse it would be.

I knew they would be angry with me for what I had done; I was angry with myself, so how could I blame them? It was a silly, thoughtless thing I did and I was most certainly going to pay for it. Deciding that I could no longer delay the inevitable, I got out of the car and stepped onto the front porch. I could immediately hear Rosalie yelling out a detailed list of what she wanted to do to me when she saw me.

"And so the torture begins," I said, entering the house.

Five grim faces stared back at me, all expressing different emotions. I was bombarded with irate and irrational thoughts as one by one my family members tossed their inner worries at me.

_How dare you? You had no right!_

You broke the law, Edward!

You should not have interfered.

I could kill you for putting us in this position.

What is so special about this girl that you would risk everything to save her?

The last thought came from Esme. I looked over at her to see worry etched on her kind face. "Edward. What happened?" she asked gently.

"I told you what happened," snapped Rosalie. "He jumped in front of a van to save that juvenile little girl with the appetizing blood."

Esme frowned at her. "Thank you, Rosalie, but I'd like to hear it from Edward."

"I'll tell you what I'd like to hear from Edward," Emmett said stalking forward. "I'd like to know why Edward thinks he has the right to make such a public display of his abilities." He turned to me, raging and strong. "Just the other day you scolded the rest of us for getting too close to each other in the lunchroom. You said we should back off or we'd draw too much attention. Well, I've got news for you, Edward. That stunt in the parking lot - it drew plenty of attention today."

"You broke the law," Jasper reminded me.

"I realize that," I bit out.

"Do you realize that everyone in the school questions how you saved her?" Jasper said. "Everyone. All day long we were pestered with humans gossiping about how brave you were and how you even managed it. It was irritating and it made us vulnerable."

"Jazz," Alice said, putting a hand on his arm to calm him down.

"No, Alice," he said, jerking away from her. "He has to answer for this."

"But I saw - "

"I know what you saw, and if that vision would have come true then we wouldn't have a problem here. As it is, we have a huge problem and it's all Edward's fault!"

I was curious to know what Alice had seen, but Esme spoke too quickly and the subject headed down another path.

"Now wait a minute," Esme started. "Edward saw danger and saved a human life. Are you all saying that if you had the chance to save a life that you wouldn't take that risk?"

"Not if it meant jeopardizing everything we have here," Rosalie countered. "Yes, Edward saved a life, which under any other circumstance might be considered heroic given what his is. But let's consider the circumstances of his actions. First of all, he did it in a parking lot full of other humans. Secondly, he did it in such a way that makes it impossible to explain without giving away our secret. And third of all — and to me this is the most important one — he saved the life of the very human he's been lusting after!"

"Stop right there!" I demanded. "You have got this all wrong Rosalie."

"Oh do I?" Her brows went up and she slowly edged her way closer to me until we were face to face. "You mean to tell me that had it been any other human out there — some random student you knew little to nothing about — that you would have abandoned all sense of reason and jumped in front of a van to save their life? I don't think so, Edward. You did this because it was _her_." 

I squinted at her, rage growing in my chest, not because she was wrong, but because she was so very right. However, I wasn't about to admit that to her. "What would have had me do, Rosalie? Let the van crush her?"

"Yes!" she roared.

"It would have saved us a lot of problems," Emmett agreed.

I peered around Rosalie to look at Emmett. "Oh, you think so? It would have been better if I had stood by and watched from the side while her blood was splattered all over the ground? You think I would have been more discreet had her blood been spilt right in front of me?"

"We would have restrained you," Emmett said.

I laughed coldly at his flippancy. "I would have liked to see you try and keep me from her blood. How you can suggest such a thing is a beyond me; you, who knows very well what it is to be tempted with blood so potent."

Emmett growled in anger. "This has nothing to do with my choices."

"No, this is about my choices!" I raged. "I have chosen not to kill — not to drink, regardless of how much I desire it or how strong the temptation is."

Emmett's nostrils flared. "I suppose you think that makes you better than me?"

"I never said that!"

"You implied it!" Rosalie said, taking a stand next to Emmett. "So what if he took what he craved? It was a long time ago. And given the position you have placed us all in, you should have followed Emmett's example and taken this girl's blood before things got out of control."

The door slammed behind me, announcing Carlisle's return home. "I knew I would find you all bickering over this mess, and although I am sure some of your arguments are well grounded, I can not believe what I just heard!" His fierce eyes focused on Rosalie. "How dare you. How dare you encourage your brother to not only drink from the girl but to take her life! Have you learned nothing from me?"

Rosalie held firm, trying not to show fear at Carlisle's words. But I could hear in her mind how frightened she was that Carlisle would punish her in some way for her suggestion. "She is a nuisance. She distracts him to the point that he left us. In spite of what Edward says he is capable of, we all know it's only a matter of time before he gives in to his true nature."

"I won't drink from her!" I howled.

"She knows too much!" Jasper shouted. "She has seen too much. For that alone she needs to die."

"NO!" I yelled.

"Why not?" Rosalie spat, incensed beyond anything I had ever witnessed from her. "It's too risky to have humans knowing about us — knowing what we can do and who we are. It's why we live the way we live. It's why I agree to pretend to be this young — so that you and Emmett and Alice and all of us can have some kind of protection. It's the _law_, Edward. Exposure is not allowed! And now you go and destroy everything we have worked for these last two years to save one insignificant human. So tell me now, Edward!" She was yelling, fury pouring from every word. "Tell me why you had to save her. What is it about this girl that has made you so willing to put us all in jeopardy? Why her? What is so special about Isabella Swan?"

"I don't know!" I said, as I truly didn't have a logical answer.

"Oh! You don't know!" Her laugh was icy and cold. "Well, I'm glad we cleared that up then."

Ignoring her, I continued by saying, "What I do know is that she is no threat to us."

Jasper let out a loud, "HA!" in disbelief.

"She'll talk. She'll tell everyone what happened," Emmett said.

"She gave me her word that she wouldn't."

"Oh, her word!" Rosalie mocked. "Because a human so unexplainably special must be an honest person."

"She said she wouldn't tell and I believe her. Besides, who would believe a story like that anyway?"

Jasper slumped down into a chair. "That's not good enough, Edward. Someone is going to push her for information and at some point she will break, and then what?"

Carlisle held up his hand to stop anyone from saying anything else. "You all seem to forget that we have an advantage here. Should this girl decide to tell anyone the truth, Alice will most likely see any danger coming. Even more than that, Edward can hear the girl's thoughts. He will know right away if she is even considering telling anyone about the unusual circumstances of the accident."

A chill went down my spin upon hearing Carlisle's words.

"And then," he went on, "if she did tell, Edward would still be able to hear the mind of the listener to know how the information was received." The room was quiet for a moment as everyone considered what Carlisle had said. "Now, I agree with Edward that should she chose to tell someone the truth, no one will believe her. But if she does, we at least have these resources to use to our advantage."

I could feel the rage from Rosalie's stare as she glared at me, and I knew exactly what was coming. I heard the question in her mind the moment before she voiced it. "Just what does Isabella Swan think happened? What exactly is going on in her mind?"

I froze. I had managed to avoid the topic for more than a week now by using what I heard from the minds of the people Bella spoke to so that I could interpret her reactions. Deep down I knew that at some point I would have to explain to my family my inability to hear Bella's mind, but I hadn't planned on it being so soon. I wasn't ready for them to know of my weakness — of my limitations.

"Aren't you going to tell us?" Emmett sneered. "Or are her thoughts too personal to share? Too private …too… licentious."

Rosalie's eyes went wide. "Is that it? She finds you attractive, so her thoughts are too carnal to share with us?"

I was incensed by the insinuation. I clenched my fists, fighting back the rage building within me.

"That's it, isn't it?" Rosalie pressed on. "This young, innocent, virginal little girl lusts after you the same way you lust after her blood. I bet she's undressed you in her mind, and you enjoyed every minute of it. Her thoughts must be just as delicious as her scent."

Something cracked inside of me as my hand found Rosalie's neck. I held her fast and hard, my fingers digging into the cold flesh of her throat. "Don't ever talk about her that way!"

"Edward!" Esme gasped. "No!"

"Let her go, Edward!" Carlisle ordered.

Rosalie wasn't even struggling against me. In fact, there was a twisted smile on her face that only made me tighten my grip.

Again Carlisle barked at me. "I said let her go!"

Slowly, I released my hold from her neck. Once free, she tossed back her head in triumph at what she supposed to be true. Emmett was at her side in an instant.

Rosalie ran her hands up and down Emmett's chest, her voice sounded silky as she spoke. "Really Edward, if that's what this is all about, then you should have said something sooner. After all, every one of us has felt that same desire. Everyone…but you, that is. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"I have nothing to be ashamed of because it isn't like that," I said slowly.

Emmett laughed. "Then why did you get all upset?"

"Exactly," Rosalie agreed.

I was at a loss for how to proceed. Did I really desire Bella in the way they were suggesting? I desired her, that much was certain, but my focus had always been on her blood. To insinuate that I desired her as a man desires a woman was something I had never considered.

Or had I?

I remembered hearing the thoughts of Mike Newton and how disgusting I found the idea of Bella spending time alone with him. I didn't like it. I didn't want her to be with anyone — any _man_ but me.

But she didn't feel that way about me. I may not have heard it in her mind, but I could read it from her body language, and I told my family just that. "Whatever I feel…it's not the same for Bella. She doesn't think of me that way."

"But she could be persuaded," Jasper said.

"Now, why would I do that? It's ridiculous. She's human."

"She doesn't have to be." Alice elbowed Jasper in the ribs.

"No," I stated plainly.

Rosalie groaned. "If she doesn't think that way about you, then what does she think?"

I shook my head, trying to figure out a way to avoid telling them the truth. Before I could even register what I was saying, I mumbled a very soft, "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Emmett asked. "What do you mean you don't know?"

I closed my eyes and squeezed the bridge of my nose, pressing back the thoughts that were coming at me from every angle.

_How can he not know? He had to hear her._

Maybe he's confused.

He's hiding something. I just know it.

Why won't he just tell us what she thinks? Is it that bad?

The stress of the day and the pressure I felt had grown beyond my ability to control. I couldn't fight anymore, and I gave in. "I don't know what she thinks," I said slowly.

"What does that mean, exactly?" Rosalie quipped.

"It means that I -" I stopped mid sentence and took a deep, calming breath. Keeping my voice low, I admitted to my family that Bella was a total mystery to me. "It's as if I'm looking at a blank wall. I see her move. I hear her voice. I smell her blood. All of my natural senses tell me she is a living, breathing human being. And yet…when I focus on her mind…there's nothing."

Emmett made a confused face. "Are you trying to say she's empty headed?"

Rosalie laughed.

"No, Emmett. She's not stupid. She's…brilliant. I worked a lab with her and she got every answer right. From the few conversations I have had with her, I can tell that she's very intelligent. But that's it. Everything I know about her has to come to me verbally. I can't hear her mind."

The room was silent for a moment as my revelation sunk in.

"Why not?" Alice asked at long last.

"Again, I don't know. I wish I did. It would make everything so much simpler if I could."

"Now, hang on a sec," said Jasper, looking puzzled. "At lunch yesterday you told us what she was thinking. You said she thought you didn't like her."

"I picked it up from one of her friends. Even still, I don't know for certain if that's true. I only know that's what Bella said. As I know from vast experience, humans don't often say exactly what they mean."

"So, let me get this straight," Rosalie said. "You don't have any clue what's going on in this girl's mind. You don't know how she really feels about you. You don't know if she's planning on telling her police chief father about your super stunt. You don't even know if she trusts you enough to keep quiet. So, that whole thing about how she gave you her word, that was a load of shit."

"No, Rosalie, she did give me her word."

Rosalie's fury was rising again. "How do you know she wasn't lying? What if she just said that to get you to leave her alone long enough for her to blab about it all around town?"

"I believe her."

"Why? Because she smells good?"

"Rosalie," Carlisle cautioned. 

"Carlisle," she echoed in a mocking tone. "How can you side with him? We have no guarantee that this girl is going to keep her trap shut about what she knows. Our very safety is at risk here."

"I'm not debating that," stated Carlisle. "But I have seen this girl. I examined her myself, and I believe that if she were going to say anything she would have done it already. Besides, I got the distinct impression that she wants to put all of this behind her and forget it ever happened."

Emmett huffed in disbelief. "So what do we do? Sit here and wait to see what she does and just…do nothing?"

Carlisle nodded. "I don't think that we have very many options."

Jasper tutted. "We have a perfectly good option. Unfortunately no one is willing to do it."

I had had enough and wanted to make that clear to everyone. "If we're back to talking about killing her, then I'm done with this conversation."

"It's like Rosalie said," Jasper continued. "She knows too much. She should die. It's against the law to let a human live once they've witnessed our powers. Why do we have to start now?" I could feel his persuasive powers growing and it left me even more enraged than before.

"Look, I didn't save her life just so one of you could go out and kill her!"

"You're only delaying the inevitable — risking fate. She was supposed to die and you stopped it!" he bellowed.

I froze at his words. "What did you say?" I asked with rising fear.

"The human…Bella…she was supposed to die. Alice saw it."

Alice gaped at him. "Jasper!"

"It's true and I'm tried of trying to keep it from him."

My mind was racing. They were keeping something from me about Bella and I didn't appreciate it one little bit. "What did you see, Alice?"

She looked up at me with that pixie face of hers. "It doesn't matter, now. It's in the past."

"What did you see?" I repeated more sternly.

"It's not important."

"Alice, so help me, either you tell me what you saw or I will pull it out of your mind myself!"

"All right!" she said. Her eyes darted to Jasper for support. Which one? I could hear her thinking.

"You had more than one vision concerning Bella?" I asked.

She looked back at me with regret on her face. "One vision…two endings." _And you won't like either one, I'm sure._

"Tell me."

"I saw the accident, and I saw her dead."

Purposefully, I took a deep breath. "When? When did you see it?"

"Right after you left for Alaska, but the only person I told was Jazz. He wanted to come after you, to try and convince you to come back. He didn't understand why you would let some girl chase you out of town."

"And then she told me that Bella would be dead soon," Jasper added, "and that you could come back safely once she was gone. So…we just left things alone."

"But then you came back on your own before she was dead," continued Alice, a hint of desperation to her voice. "I thought about telling you, but then…" Her eyes met Jasper's pleadingly. _He won't like it. Don't make me tell him._

"Alice!" I shouted. "If you can't say it then just tell me with your mind."

It came at me in a jumble of spoken words and thought. "I had the vision again, but it ended differently." _Because you were there._ "She was injured badly." _But she wasn't dead._ "And you went to try to help her." _There was so much blood that you nearly went insane from it._ "She was dying." _You could feel her pulse going weak._ "And you knew from her wounds that she wasn't going to make it. So…you brought her to Carlisle." _You begged him to help her. You begged him, Edward. You couldn't let her go. So he…he…_

"No."

Her eyes burned into mine with such honesty that I couldn't deny that the vision had been real. "He changed her, Edward." _He did it for you. So you wouldn't be alone._

"No," I said more forcefully.

"That would solve a lot of problems right there," Emmett muttered.

I rounded on him, my rage suddenly reaching a breaking point. "It solves nothing! I won't do it. I won't do any of it. I won't drink from her. I won't kill her. And by God I won't change her! I won't damn her to this life!"

Esme reached out to me and gently said, "Edward. Think about what they are saying."

"I am thinking!" I roared. "I'm thinking very clearly. You all want to take a girl who is young and innocent and intelligent and beautiful — a girl who tragically ended up in a biology class with only one empty seat - whose biggest flaw is that she is so full of life that I can hardly resist her — and you want me to rob her of everything that makes her special and condemn her to a life of darkness. Well, I won't do it!"

"You're a vampire. Do what's in your nature to do and drink from her."

"Jazz!" Alice scolded.

Jasper grimaced once he realized what he had said. "I'm sorry for that, Alice, but it is the truth. It isn't as if I'm telling him to go out and start hunting the humans. We're talking about one girl here."

"And I won't do it," I repeated.

"Then let one of us," Jasper offered.

"NO!" I screamed, feeling his influence deepen and take hold of me.

"She's only human!"

"Bella's different," I insisted.

"Different to you, but not to the rest of us."

"Don't you even think about laying one finger on her!"

"Fine!" he roared. "But I'll only leave her alone if you make the same promise!"

"What?"

"I won't touch her, but you can't touch her either."

"Fine." I pointed a stiff finger at each one of them as I spoke. "She is not to be touched. She's not to be bothered. She is not to be harmed in any way. And yes, I am including myself in this. I will leave her alone if only to ensure her safety. I don't want to hear any more talk about her death in any way, shape, or form."

The silence of the room was heavy and thick as one by one I looked into their minds to make sure they understood my meaning. It wasn't much of a surprise to find that Emmett doubted I could manage to stay away from Bella. I doubted it myself.

"You don't think I can do it." It wasn't a question.

"No, I don't. Like you so skillfully pointed out earlier, I know first hand the temptation you are facing."

He was right. And it was time for me to own up to that. "I said I would leave her alone and I meant it."

"How?"

"I'll leave."

My announcement was met with a mixture of emotion from disbelief to disappointment.

"Edward, don't do this," Esme pleaded. 

"I don't have any other choice, Esme. I don't want her dead."

"You are so much stronger than you think. You can resist her, I know you can. You are part of this family, Edward. Even though our tempers have gone out of control tonight, I know for a fact that this family would not work if you were to leave us permanently."

She glanced around the room, locking eyes with everyone as she spoke. "I want Edward to stay, and I am willing to give him whatever support he needs to get though this. But it's going to take more than just my support." When no one said anything, she resorted to singling them out one at a time. "Alice? Jasper? Emmett? Rosalie? Do you really want to see Edward, who has been a member of this family longer than any of us, to leave us and go off on his own?"

No one said yes. Not even in their minds. I was surprised and greatly comforted by that knowledge.

"Edward stays," she added. "And Bella will be left alone. We will take this one day at a time. If we need to reevaluate things in the future, then we will. But for now, we stay as a family. Agreed?"

Heads nodded and words were mumbled in hesitant agreement. Rosalie glared at me before pulling Emmett outside and away from the house. Alice tugged on Jasper's hand and they made their way up the stairs. Being left alone with Carlisle and Esme, I looked from one to the other, wanting to ask forgiveness for bringing such trouble into our home, but not finding the words to express it. Instead, I darted from the house and hopped into my car, wanting to put as much distance as I could between my family and me for a few hours.

As I drove off, I distantly heard the thoughts coming from Carlisle and Esme.

_I think he loves her._

I think he does, too.


	5. not naïve Just…inexperienced

CHAPTER FIVE

The month that followed the gut-wrenching events of that icy cold morning was by far the worst month of my entire existence. Not only had I hastily agreed to avoid Bella at all costs, but I was also forced to dip into the minds of various teenagers just to manage any glimpse of how she might be handling the situation. It was dreadfully tedious and boring work, but my family had given me no other option. They wanted to know if she would keep her word to me and not tell anyone what really happened, and rightly so. I had placed my family in a difficult position, and they deserved to know whatever information I could manage to pull from Bella's main conversations.

I spent the school days staring blankly at pages of books while my mind wandered the halls and classrooms searching for Bella. It only took a day or so to learn her normal schedule, which made it that much easier to find her and avoid her. At first, I paid close attention to every thought concerning her, waiting for her to slip and spill the secret of her survival, but it never came. She was bombarded with questions at first, and simply passed it off by giving me all the credit. I was surprised to hear her describe me as a hero, explaining what courage it must have taken for me to risk my own life to save hers. But what surprised me even more was that she really did keep her promise and never told anyone about what she had seen that day.

It annoyed me to no end that I couldn't at least thank her for keeping quiet. I agreed to stay away from her, and I kept my word on that, but it was more difficult than I anticipated. After all, I sat next to her for a full hour five days a week. She tried to talk to me the day after it happened, but I gave her the cold shoulder, not even bothering to look at her. She didn't try to talk to me after that. But she still watched me. I felt her eyes on me so many times it was starting to become a nuisance.

And yet, I wanted her to pay attention to me. I wanted her to be affected by my presence the way I was affected by hers. I needed to know that I wasn't the only one suffering from our enforced separation, even though she was clueless to the fact. In a very twisted way, it helped ease some of the pain to know that on some level she wanted more from me than I was able to give. It would have been too distressing had she been able to ignore me and forget all about me, for try as I might, I couldn't forget or ignore her.

I tried. Really, I did. I didn't speak to her at all, not even in biology when it was most difficult. I could make it through an entire day of school and not let my eyes dart to her once. I even managed to stop listening in to so many of her conversations, but that wasn't so much of a hardship as I often found the minds' of her friends to grate on my nerves. It would have been much more difficult to ignore Bella's mind, had I been able to hear it, and so for that, at least, I was thankful.

However, it wasn't during school but rather after school was over that I struggled to keep the agreement I made with my family to stay away from Bella. It was too easy in Forks to keep track of her movement. Home and friends' houses were her usual haunts, and with all the tree coverage, I could quickly find a convenient hiding place out of sight. I spent my afternoons watching her from a distance, wishing with all my might that she didn't have such a hold over me. And at the same time, I savored the fact that I had these feelings at all, however unfamiliar and unsettling they were to me.

I still couldn't name the feelings within me. Or maybe I was unwilling to name them. Having overheard Esme and Carlisle the night of the argument, I couldn't help but ponder the assumption they made on how I was falling in love with her. I could admit to lusting after her, for there was no way to deny how I craved her blood. But did I love her? I would have to be a fool to fall in love with a human such as Bella.

It was after nearly three weeks of silence between us that I found myself unexplainably sitting at the piano late one night, picking out a tune while images of Bella drifted though my mind. I don't know how long I sat there all alone, tinkering away at the keys, but it was long enough for me to actually form a bit of a tune. I fussed with it a bit, unhappy with a note here and there, until I noticed Esme standing at the foot of the stairs.

"It's lovely, Edward."

"How long have you been there?"

Her brows shot up. "Don't tell me you didn't hear me come down."

I looked away from her in embarrassment. It had been a long time since a member of my family had been able to sneak up on me and take me by surprise.

"You must have been really lost in thought," she said, stepping up to the piano and resting her elbows on the lid.

"I was," I admitted, since there was no use trying to hide it. "Where is everyone tonight?"

"Hunting. You should have gone with them. You look pale."

"I don't think they want my company right now."

Even though I had technically stayed away from Bella, my family knew it was driving me mad. They knew that I watched her and no one was overly supportive of that choice. It didn't bother Alice or Carlisle much, but I knew they worried about me. Esme wanted to see me happy, whatever I needed to do to get through this time. Jasper was slowly growing accustomed to the idea; clearly, Alice was influencing him. Emmett thought I was insane, but didn't much care as long as the family was safe. And Rosalie…I doubted if Rosalie would ever fully forgive me for what I had done. Deep down it wasn't so much that Bella was suspicious of me, but rather that Bella might start to wonder what it was about her that angered Rosalie.

"In all fairness," Esme noted, "you haven't given any of us much of a chance to spend time with you lately. I, for one, treasure your company very much. I wouldn't have been so insistent upon you staying with the family had I not enjoyed having you here."

I racked my fingers through my hair. "I appreciate that, Esme."

"But it's not my company that you want, is it?" she surmised.

I huffed out a small laugh. "Since when have you become a mind reader?"

"I'm not a mind reader, but I do have some skills at non-verbal communication."

"And what exactly do you think I'm saying?" I inquired.

"That you're miserable," she stated with perfect perception. "That you want something you think you can't have. It's all you ever think about, isn't it? You're so preoccupied with her that you don't know what to do with yourself when she's not near you."

I swung one leg over the piano bench to straddle it so I could see Esme better. "You make it sound as if I have a choice in the matter."

"You do."

"No, I don't. I made an agreement to stay away from her."

"Which you aren't keeping."

Her accusation stung. "I haven't spoken to her in almost a month. Do you have any idea how difficult it's been to ignore her?"

"But that's just it, Edward. You're not ignoring her." Her mind added, _How can you ignore someone you love?_

"I'm not in love with her, Esme. I know you think I am, but… it's not… I couldn't…" I faltered under her penetrating stare. "Even if I did, she hates me, so what would be the point?"

"Hates you?" she sounded surprised. "Why do you think she hates you?"

"Well, for one thing, I've been totally deceptive towards her. I've forced her to lie for me. I won't talk to her. I won't even acknowledge her."

"How does that prove that she hates you?"

"How could she not hate me after all of that?"

"Oh, Edward," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "How can you be as experienced in the world as you are and not know anything about women?"

Her question confused me to no end. "You think… you think she does… like me?"

"Absolutely," she declared. "Why would she keep your secret if she didn't care about you in some way? From what you've told us about her, she doesn't seem to be the type to just sit back and allow herself to be ordered around, and yet she has done exactly as you have asked."

I frowned at what Esme was suggesting. It didn't make any sense to me at all. A typical human would be livid at the way I was treating Bella, but then Bella had never behaved as a typical human should.

"You said you've haven't spoken to her since the accident," Esme said. "Has she tried to speak to you?"

"Yes, but only once, and it was right after it happened."

"And then nothing?"

I nodded.

Esme had a peculiar smile on her face and I reached in to her mind to hear what she was thinking. _More proof that she's smitten with him. How can he not see it?_

I was rather frustrated with her way of thinking. "Esme, she doesn't talk to me. Usually, if you like someone, you talk to them."

She laughed. "Logically, yes, but human girls tend to be more illogical than that. Generally when a girl is interested in a boy, she tries not to talk to him for fear that he will see that she likes him and tease her about it — or reject her. So usually when a girl likes a boy, she keeps quiet around him. She shrugs her shoulders and plays with her hair, glancing at him from the corner of her eyes to see if he's looking at her."

As she spoke, Esme demonstrated her words, hiding behind a cocked shoulder and flicking her hair around to act as a curtain. She peeked over at me shyly and then darted her eyes back down to the floor. "It's called flirting Edward. I'm sure even you have heard of it."

I grimaced. "You know, Esme, I'm not as naive as you think I am."

"I never said you were naïve. Just…inexperienced." _You were so young when Carlisle changed you._

A groan escaped me. "That's even worse." I shook my head at her in disagreement. "It isn't inexperience and it isn't that I was too young. Those factors don't have anything to do with it. I just never felt the need to go outside of myself to find completion. I have always believed myself to be whole — as whole as one of our kind can be, anyway. Finding a companion has often seemed more like an expectation than a real need. I assumed that I had everything I needed here within myself, and what that didn't fill I could get from one of the family."

She smiled gently at me. "But you don't feel that way anymore?"

I opened my mouth to oppose her, but then shut it again. It was difficult enough to admit these things to myself let alone to Esme. She would most likely tell Carlisle, and I wasn't sure if he would approve or not. I didn't want to upset this family anymore than I already had.

_Tell me, Edward. What is it you feel?_

I closed my eyes, listening to her gentle prodding, and let the words spill out of me. "I can't stop thinking about her. Every moment of every day I wonder what she is feeling, what she is thinking. I walk the halls of the school purposefully avoiding her path but secretly hoping she will make an unexpected turn and bump right into me. I sit next to her in class, pretending not to notice how the light dances around her, trying with all my might to ignore the urge to lean into her and let her scent fill my senses. That's all I ever do anymore — all I _want_ to do is think about her or be with her. I don't even know why, and it's driving me insane."

I turned my eyes up to look at Esme's concerned face. "All these years, I have never once envied what you have with Carlisle — or Rosalie with Emmett, or Alice and Jasper. I respectfully pulled away when conversations or situations became intimate or romantic. And it never bothered me. I was happy for all of you. It was what you wanted and needed and it felt right. And on those rare occasions when I was the odd man out, I treasured the time I had to be alone, with no thoughts in my head but my own. I never ever felt left out…or alone."

I paused and swallowed hard before adding, "Until now."

"Oh, Edward," Esme sighed, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"For the first time in my entire existence, I'm…lonely. I feel hollow inside, Esme. Like something's missing and the only way I can fill it…" I couldn't finish the sentence, even though I had already given so much away I was certain Esme knew how it would have ended.

"What am I going to do?" I asked, more confused than I had ever been in my life.

"That's up to you, Edward. I can't make decisions for you."

"How very parental of you," I grumbled.

A smile played at the corners of her mouth. "I suppose so. If you were my natural son, I would say the same thing. You have to do with your life that which you think is best. My only hope is that it will make you happy. I want to see you smiling — hear you laughing. If it takes letting a human into your life for a while…then so be it."

I jumped at her words, startled by the suggestion she made. "But the others - " 

"Want you to be happy, too," she declared.

"I don't know, Esme. I don't want anyone to get hurt. Most of all, Bella."

"So, tell her that, and let her make her own decisions. You won't know how she really feels unless you ask her."

"I can't just ask her. She already thinks I'm crazy."

"And how do you know that? You can't hear her thoughts."

It was a valid point, one that I couldn't overlook.

"I'll tell you what," she exhorted, leaning on the piano casually. "You wanted advice, well here is what I would do if I were you. I would stop pretending Bella isn't there. Pay attention to her. Watch how she reacts to you in comparison to her other friends — specifically, her male friends. I think you might be surprised at what you see."

"And then what?"

"Well, that's your choice. Do what feels right."

"Even if it's the wrong thing to do?"

"Sometimes we have to choose between the lesser of two evils, Edward. Not every choice can be an easy one."

"I'm learning that the hard way. A century on this planet and I still have lessons to learn!"

She laughed at me then. "Indeed, we all do. I think you're going to enjoy learning this particular lesson, though."

If I could have, I would have blushed. I looked away from her so quickly it was impossible to hide the embarrassment. I could hear her worry in my mind. _I didn't mean to upset you._ "Don't be sorry, Esme. You didn't upset me. You just…" I sighed deeply. "This is all so new to me."

"Don't ever apologize for loving someone, Edward."

Her use of the word love wasn't lost on me. "I told you I'm not in love with her. I'm just…curious."

"Um hum," she hummed teasingly. 

"How did you know?" I inquired tentatively. "With Carlisle…how did you know?"

Her face softened and a dreamy smile formed on her lips. "Carlisle saved me — figuratively and literally. My marriage had failed. I didn't love my husband… I didn't even like him. I had no respect for him. And with the death of my baby… I felt I had nothing left to live for. You remember those days, Edward. Men back then would never look twice at an old woman of twenty-six who'd already had a baby. Men wanted young, untouched wives. So when Carlisle changed me… when he wanted me… it gave my life a new meaning."

She looked into my eyes with such intensity that I couldn't look away. "Everyone needs for their life to be validated. That's why we search so diligently for someone to share it with — someone who will treasure our experiences. It isn't natural for someone to go through life alone."

"But how did you know?" I repeated anxiously.

"There isn't anyway to explain it. When it's right, you just know." Her hand rested on my shoulder and she leaned in closer to me. "You know, Edward. You know."

I exhaled loudly in protest and shook my head in defeat. Esme patted my shoulder and turned to head back up the steps. I watched her until she was out of sight and then followed her mind as she encountered Carlisle.

_Learn anything new?_

And why should I tell you about a private conversation?

Because Edward is important to me and I want him to be happy.

I think he will be…once he realizes that he's found his companion.

You really think so? Even though she's human?

We were all human once upon a time. 

I pulled away from their thoughts, finding the progression of the conversation distasteful. I could never do what they were suggesting. Bella's humanity was too extraordinary to simply be ignored. I would never take that away from her. I knew that I would most likely break down and give in to my desire to be close to her, no matter how earnestly I swore that I wouldn't. But I would never go back on my promise to leave Bella as a mortal. I would destroy myself before I would let that happen.


	6. jelousy

CHAPTER SIX

Adolescent minds are so filled with the most dull and tiresome scraps of information that I have often wanted to run screaming from the school building. Today was no exception, seeing as how the annual spring dance was right around the corner, creating all sorts of fantasies and daydreams. Every human in the building under the age of eighteen fussed over whom they would ask or what they would wear or what songs they would dance to. It was no surprise that the majority of thoughts eventually wandered into lustful territory at some point. There were even a few students for whom I honestly worried, as their thoughts were just plain filthy. And naturally, there were those others who told their friends how trivial and childish the whole affair was, while desperately wishing within their minds that they would be asked to attend.

All this commotion over a silly little dance; it was absurd, really. What was the point? Humans spent way too much money on clothing that they would never wear again, not to mention the required flowers and limousines, all for a few hours of underdeveloped bodies wiggling to thunderous music. I truly didn't understand the point of it all.

However, as the night of the dance grew closer and closer, I couldn't help but wonder who would be escorting Bella. There was a long list of possibilities, none of whom were worthy of spending even ten minutes in her presence, let alone an entire evening. But there was one thing I did know for a fact about Bella's date, and that was that it wouldn't be me.

After my talk with Esme, I was even more determined not to budge on my promise to stay away from Bella. Even though Esme had nearly persuaded me to let go and give it a try, the conversation I overheard between her and Carlisle convinced me that I couldn't back down. I knew they believed I was in love with her, in spite of my protests, but now I also knew that they believed I would bring Bella into our family. That was something I couldn't let happen. And so, once more, I resigned myself to keeping my distance from her and prayed every day for the strength to disregard my desires.

It was my normal routine to keep my mind trained on Bella's friend with the fuzzy hair, no matter how simple her thoughts were. At least she wasn't hateful or conceited as too many of the other girls in the school were. Jessica was, in all honesty, a nice person, and I was glad that Bella had a friend that seemed genuine.

That's why it completely took me by surprise this morning to hear Jessica thinking such spiteful and self-depreciating thoughts. She hardly said a word to Bella, which I gathered was a good thing considering her state of mind, as she didn't seem to have anything nice to say.

_I can't stand being around her today._

Why does he like her, anyway? Just because she's so pretty and new and different… I can be different.

I've liked him since ninth grade. She has no right to come in here and steal his focus like that. Besides, she said she didn't want to go with him. So then…what's wrong with me? Why won't he go with me?

Mike Newton. It had to be. I'd heard Jessica think a few scandalous things about the boy, so he must be the cause of her teenage woe. But why put such blame on Bella? It wasn't Bella's fault that she was so attractive. It was only logical that Mike would be so drawn to her. It was me who didn't have a right to concentrate so directly on her, not Mike.

By lunchtime, Jessica's thoughts had shifted slightly as she poured all of her efforts into making Mike jealous. She openly flirted with adolescent boy number two while Mike sat at the opposite end of the table, lost inside his own head and not paying one bit of attention to her. The whole situation was far too juvenile for words, and yet I found myself growing increasingly interested in seeing the situation play out, especially once I discovered exactly what was going on inside Mike's brain.

_I should just ask her and get it over with. What's the worst she could say?_

She could say no. That would suck.

I wonder why she hasn't asked me anyway.

Maybe she's already going…but I would have heard about it.

What if she's going to ask someone else? Cullen… her savior? She hasn't been the same since the accident. What if she likes Cullen?

I should ask her before it's too late.

So _that_ confirmed the trouble and only added to my anxiety. Mike wanted to go to this silly dance with Bella. The fact didn't sit well with me in the slightest considering that he saw me as a potential threat. A picture popped into Mike's mind of Bella dressed in a too tight little costume showing more skin than was appropriate, her arms wrapped around Mike's waist as their bodies swayed in rhythm. My chest tightened and for a moment I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I closed my eyes and willed myself to stay still and not leap from my seat to attack the boy right then and there for thinking such things. 

I had to gather some distance between the boy and myself, and so without offering any explanation to my family, I left the cafeteria and sought solace in the cool outdoors. Purposefully taking several long, deep breaths, I repressed the rage I was experiencing and refocused my mind on the fact that I had no right to such feelings. Believing I had mastered my emotions, I entered the classroom and waited for the class to begin.

Once again, fate was not going to let me escape facing my inner demons so easily. I was prepared for Bella to take her customary seat next to me. However, I was not in any state of mind to have Mike come with her and make his intentions known in such a way that I would be able to hear every single word of the conversation.

"So, Jessica asked me to the spring dance," he said, leaning against Bella's desk.

"That's great." Her sweet voice sounded enthusiastic and light. "You'll have a lot of fun with Jessica."

"Well…" _I wish you didn't sound do happy about it. You should be worried that I won't be able to go with you._ "I told her I had to think about it."

"Why would you do that?"

_Cause I don't like Jessica as much as I like you._ "I was wondering if…" _Don't blow this._ "…well, if you might be planning to ask me."

Personally, I was wondering the same thing. If only I could hear her thoughts! This was pure torture!

"Mike, I think you should tell her yes," she recommended, much to my pleasant surprise.

_Cullen…did she…?_ "Did you already ask someone?"

It took every bit of my control to not turn my full attention to them.

"No, I'm not going to the dance at all."

_Yeah…right…_ "Why not?"

Bella paused then, ever so slightly. It wasn't enough that any normal human would have given her pause much thought, but for me it was like a huge vacuum of silence taunting me with my inability to hear the inner workings of her mind.

"I'm going to Seattle that Saturday."

It was a lame excuse if ever I heard one, and for the life of me I hadn't any idea why she was lying to him. It had to be a lie. The heat rising in her body told me as much.

_Seattle? What the…? _"Can't you go some other weekend?" Mike said in obvious irritation.

"Sorry, no. So you shouldn't make Jess wait any longer — it's rude."

"Yeah, you're right." _So much for that. Looks like I'm stuck with Jess after all. _

Mike walked away, and for the first time in a long time I noticeably allowed my eyes to rest on the tempting human form next to me. Bella sat with her eyes closed, pressing her fingers to her temple. I had seen many a human make such an action when they had a headache or weren't feeling well. Had the conversation with Mike been painful for her? She looked pained, but in an emotional sense.

What on earth was going through that lovely head of hers? Had she wanted to go with Mike, but said no because she knew her friend was interested in him? Or could it possibly be that she found Mike just as annoying as I did and was rather bothered by his persistent attention? With no way to secure the truth from her mind, I was left to simply hope that she genuinely wasn't interested in him.

The instructor started speaking and Bella opened her eyes, immediately fixing her gaze on me. Staring deeply into those dark brown orbs, I searched for the hidden meaning behind her words and actions. I half expected her to look away from me and hide behind the curtain of hair she normally uses to separate us, but to my delight, she didn't. It was as if time slowed down and permitted me to drink in her appearance like a man starved for food. The blush that rose to her cheeks was intoxicating.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I noticed that the teacher was rambling on about the tricarboxylic acid cycle. "What's another name for this? A more simple name?" I heard him say in the distance. "Mr. Cullen?"

Reluctantly, I pulled my eyes away from Bella's beautiful face and answered, "The Krebs Cycle."

The spell had been broken and Bella tossed her hair over her shoulder to block my view from her. I watched her for the rest of the hour as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, trying to keep her eyes away from mine. Every move she made reminded me of the conversation I had with Esme about the way human girls flirt. Every sigh that escaped her full lips intensified the desire I felt to talk to her, to let her know she wasn't the only one suffering.

At the sound of the bell, she turned her back to me and began gathering up her things. Her hair fell down her back smoothly. I recalled how soft it had felt under my fingertips the one time I had held her. Everything about her had felt soft — and warm. She sighed once more and I knew that this couldn't go on. I had to put an end to it for both of our sakes.

"Bella?" I tried to sound as friendly as I possibly could, but there was no mistaking the hesitancy in the slow way she turned around to face me. The hard expression on her face made me worry that I had totally misread her reactions, and so I stayed still and didn't utter another word for fear that she would think I was being more of a cretin than I'd already been towards her.

"What?" she lashed out after a moment. "Are you speaking to me again?"

Was I? I didn't even know for myself what I was doing approaching her. I promised my family - I promised _myself_ I wouldn't. But I hadn't planed for her to actually show interest in me. Not trusting myself under her intense gaze, I said, "No, not really."

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, transforming every feature of her perfectly feminine face and unknowingly luring me in towards her. Her jaw was clenched and I would have given all the money I had to know what she was thinking. I got my answer soon enough.

"Then what do you want, Edward?" she asked as her eyes remained closed.

What I wanted was for her to open her eyes so I could have a better chance at working out her thoughts. What I wanted was to tell her how deeply she moved me — how one look from her could send my head spinning. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and take her off to some hidden place where only I could enjoy her laugh… her smile… her scent. A place where people like Mike or Tyler or any other boy who might come along could never touch her. But I couldn't do any of those things, no matter how much I wanted to.

"I'm sorry," I said with pure sincerity. "I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better this way, really."

Her eyes opened to search for the meaning behind my words. I willed her to understand that I found her special — that I wasn't avoiding her because she wasn't interesting, but that she was too unique and tempting for me to be close to.

"I don't know what you mean."

Again, my powers of coercion didn't seem to work on Bella. "It's better if we're not friends. Trust me."

Something flashed in her eyes. Was it anger? "It's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier," she hissed at me through clenched teeth. "You could have saved yourself all this regret."

I was stunned. "Regret?" I didn't regret anything other than the fact that I couldn't offer her a better explanation. Damn the fact that I couldn't read her mind! "Regret for what?"

"For not just letting that stupid van squish me."

It was as if she had punched me in the gut with her words. After all I had done for her, she honestly thought I wanted her dead? If she only knew how hard I fought to ensure her safety, she wouldn't be making such outlandish statements. It was unimaginable and slightly ironic, that after fighting desperately to keep my own cravings for her blood in check, and restraining my family from attacking her, that she believed I wanted her dead. Perfect. Just perfect.

"You think I regret saving your life?"

"I _know_ you do," she snapped.

Anger boiled within me. "You don't know anything."

With her chin thrust high into the air, she turned sharply and headed for the door. I wanted to call her back, but before I had the chance, she tripped on the door jam and spilled her books all over the floor. Instantly, again without thinking, I was by her side making sure she didn't go down with her books. The protective nature of my reaction left me slightly dazed, but I brushed it off and bent to pick up her things. I passed the stack to her, making sure to avoid contact with her skin.

The only reward for my actions was a cold, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," I replied, knowing there was still so much I should say, but opting to just let it go.

And so she went, and I didn't follow after her. Even still, she was in my thoughts all through the remaining hour of school. I still couldn't quite decide on Bella's reasoning behind the decision to turn down Mike's offer. Did she really have plans for that weekend, or had she made that up at the spur of the moment? And why would she ever believe that I lamented my own decision to save her life? Had I really treated her that badly this last month?

Yes, I had.

Once school was over, I made it a point to wait for Bella outside. I wanted to talk to her and again apologize for my rudeness. It was vital to me that she understood I had no ill feelings towards her. But as I approached her car, I was greeted by hopeful adolescent boy number two — Eric — who was so far beneath my notice that I hadn't a clue as to what his last name was. His thoughts were like an open book.

_Just make it really easy and be casual about it. Bella, would you like to go to the dance with me. Easy. Smooth._

Don't be so forward about it. That's probably why she turned down Mike. 

I was surprised to find that news of Bella's rejection had already spread, but once again my chest tightened at the idea of her spending an evening alone with someone as unimaginative as this boy seemed to be. I narrowed my eyes at him and for one fleeting moment considered how easy it would be to dispose of him.

I caught Bella's scent and was brought back to my senses. "Hey, Eric." She sounded relieved for some reason.

"Hi, Bella." _Smooth… calm… focus._

"What's up?" She unlocked her door, completely oblivious to how nervous the boy was.

"Uh, I was just wondering… if you would go to the spring dance with me?" I nearly laughed out loud at the sound of his voice cracking on the last word. Such a child.

Bella, however, only frowned at him. "I thought it was girl's choice?"

"Well, yeah." _But since you haven't asked anyone... Oh come on. Say yes. Say yes!_

I could tell that the smile she offered him was forced. "Thank you for asking me, but I'm going to be in Seattle that day."

It was the same excuse she'd given Mike, but this time it flowed from her lips with ease, as if she'd practiced it for this performance. Personally, I was elated that yet again Bella refused to be shuffled around. It spoke to her character that she had more taste than that.

He eventually gave up and, with round shoulders indicative of a child who hasn't had their way, plodded back to the school. I couldn't hold back my laugh anymore, but I managed to somehow keep it subtle enough as to not draw too much attention to myself as I walked past her to my car. I could feel the heat from her body as well as her penetrating glare. As loudly as she could, she opened her door, got into the truck, and slammed it hard.

To add to the humor of the moment, I noticed Tyler Crowley driving up towards Bella's car, his thoughts coming through loud and clear. 

_Don't drive away, Bella. Just stay put so I can ask…'cause if I don't ask now I might never work up the courage to ask again. Especially now that I know you don't like Mike._

This I had to see. She'd refused Mike and Eric all ready. How would she react to one more invitation to the dance? I had to make Tyler's wish come true. As quickly as I could, I slipped into my car and backed it out before Bella could get around me. She was now hopelessly trapped between me and the hormone-happy boy behind her. Oh, this was going to be good!

From my rear view mirror I saw Bella's reaction to her predicament. She wasn't pleased in the slightest, and when Tyler left his car to walk up to her passenger side, she looked completely irritated by the whole situation. I'm sure if I had been able to hear her thoughts they would have included a few choice phrases about the fact that I blocked her exit. Instead, I had to rely on Tyler's mind for Bella's words.

_Keep it cool._

Thank God Cullen blocked you from leaving!

Just ask her and stay cool. Will you ask me to the dance? Simple.

Not in town — same line she gave Mike.

I figured you didn't want to go with Mike.

But it's still cool. We can always make it up at prom.

Unable to contain myself, I roared in laughter just as my family joined me in the car.

"What's so funny?" Jasper asked.

"Nothing," I laughed.

But Rosalie eyed me suspiciously and noticed how I was watching the rear view mirror with interest. She turned around to look at Bella, who was now quite visibly angry.

"What did you do, Edward?" she asked.

"I didn't do anything. I just… listened."

The look that passed between Rosalie and Emmett did not escape my notice, nor did it bother me. I pressed my foot to the gas pedal and sped home, feeling surprisingly lighter than I had in days.


	7. i'm betting on alice

CHAPTER SEVEN

"Are you going to tell us what was so funny?" Emmett asked as we flew down the road for home.

"It's an inside joke. Don't worry about it."

"Excuse me, but if it's about Isabella Swan, then I think we're going to worry about it," Rosalie contested.

"Really. It was nothing. Just teenage… angst."

"Since when do you find teenage angst humorous?" Jasper asked.

"Since his mind hasn't been able to focus on anything other than Isabella," answered Emmett.

"Not true," I said. "I've often found it comical how humans — teenagers in particular — can get so worked up over nothing."

"My guess is that it has something to do with the dance coming up," suggested Alice.

I looked over at her. "Did you see something?"

Her eyes went wide, almost as if I had caught her off guard. "I just thought the angst might be about the dance. Everyone is talking about the dance. Why would you assume I've seen something?" _Because I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything at all._

I frowned at her in frustration. She was trying to block me from her thoughts by tricking me into believing she had nothing of interest in her head. It stunned me that she would try to hide something so unimportant from me, for after all, what did I care about the dance? I'd never been interested in any of those traditional human rituals… rites of passage… however you wanted to label them.

But I quickly realized that I did care, much to my astonishment. If Alice had seen something about Bella and that ridiculous dance, then that was information I certainly needed to know. As much as I had enjoyed watching Bella break the hearts of three hopeful suitors today, I knew that somewhere out there was a man who would eventually win her affection. That knowledge pierced my heart in the most incomprehensible way.

I couldn't place the sensation, as I don't believe I had ever felt it before. On the whole, there was nothing wrong with Mike or Eric or Tyler. They were the right age for Bella and, most importantly, they were human. But I couldn't help feeling consumed with rage at the idea of one of those silly little boys pawing at her skin. That they would be given permission to touch her when they would never fully appreciate how precious and unique she was. I would never take that for granted. I would worship her, should I ever be given the chance.

For the first time since I could remember, I wished that I could be like one of the humans. I envied the fact that one of those boys could easily spend an evening alone with Bella and I couldn't. I coveted the closeness they could achieve to her without being tempted to taste her blood. It was difficult to own up to it, but the only word I found to describe it was jealousy. I was jealous, plain as that.

And now it seemed as if Alice knew something about Bella and her escort to the dance. I had to know before I went mad.

We arrived home and I pulled Alice to the side before she entered the house. I somehow managed to keep my voice steady as I said, "Alice, if you've seen something about Bella going to the dance, then please tell me. I need to know who she goes with."

"The dance?" she asked, looking confused.

"Yes. I've just enjoyed the heartbroken thoughts of three boys as Bella refused their invitations to the dance. Now, if you've seen her going with someone - "

"Edward, why do you need to know who Bella decides to go to a dance with?" There was an edge to her voice I didn't care for.

"I don't need to know, I just… would like to know."

"It sounds voyeuristic to me, and I thought you were going to stay away from her."

I scowled at her. "Hey, I could have sworn that you were on my side where Bella was concerned."

"I am on your side. I want what you want. I want Bella to be safe because it makes you happy to know she is safe."

"Then why won't you tell me who she goes to the dance with? I happen to know for a fact that there aren't very many boys at that school with honorable intentions, so if she ends up going with someone who - "

Alice groaned and rolled her eyes at me. "I didn't see anything about the dance, okay?"

"But you did see something."

She looked away from me, but I didn't need to see her eyes to hear her mind. _Yes… but don't ask me about it because you won't like it. Please, just let it go._

"Look, it's fine with me that you didn't see her at the dance. Actually, I'm more than fine with that. I knew she wasn't planning on attending; I just wanted to make sure. If you saw her with someone then… I needed to prepare myself for that. Not that it would sit well with me, but still, I would at least be able to get used to the idea."

"Well, what I saw had nothing to do with the dance. So, let's just drop it."

I wasn't going to let her off that easily. "Did it have anything to do with me?"

"Edward! Stop!"

"All right!" I said, tossing my hands up in the air in defeat. "I'm only curious."

"Then don't be. You don't want to know."

I searched her eyes for the deeper meaning behind her words.

_You know what I've seen. Don't make me explain it again._

A sudden chill went down my spine. "You had the same vision? The one from before when I… "

_When you changed her._ Her mind finished the sentence for me.

I shook my head, the anger rising within me. "That's not going to happen, Alice. I won't let it."

"I can't deny what I've seen, Edward. And I've seen it more than once — different scenarios all with the same conclusion."

"Let me guess. You saw me with her at the dance, and I change her — drink from her right there in the middle of the dance floor!"

"I told you, I didn't see anything about the dance!"

But I didn't hear her. All I could think about was her insistence that someday I would bring Bella into the misery of my dark life. "It will not happen. I swear to you, I would rather destroy myself then see Bella brought across."

"Have you ever considered that you might end up not having much of a choice in the matter?"

I took a step back, bewildered by her meaning. "There is always a choice."

"Yes, that's right, but sometimes the choices we have are not between what's right and wrong, but between what's wrong and what's… less wrong."

Now I was really lost. "What?"

She ruffled her hair and sighed in irritation at me. "Okay, what if Bella were injured — badly injured — and the only way to save her was to bring her over?"

I didn't like where the conversation was headed. "I would stop her from being injured in the first place."

"But you can't be with her all the time, Edward. There are places you just can't go with her. She won't stay in Forks every day for the rest of her life."

Something clicked inside my brain. "You saw her leave Forks?"

Alice looked down at her feet, avoiding my eyes.

"Alice, this is important." I held her arms tightly with my hands, forcing her to look at me. "Where was Bella in your vision when she was hurt? Was she in Seattle?"

Her eyes flashed. _How did you know?_

"Bella told all three of those boys today that the reason she couldn't go to the dance was because she had plans in Seattle."

Alice's eyes closed and she muttered a quiet, "Oh, no."

"You saw it, didn't you? You saw her in Seattle."

She nodded in agreement. What little warmth there was in my body evaporated in that instant. "What happened to her?"

"I don't know," she said honestly. "All I saw was that she was hurt. She was dying and you…" _You found her and saved her._ "You brought to her Carlisle, just like you always do in every vision I have of you and Bella." 

The anger that I suppressed earlier began to boil to the surface. "Where? Where in Seattle did I find her?"

"I'm not sure. To be honest, I'm not even sure it was Seattle. I just know it wasn't Forks. Just some dark, creepy alley. I thought it was unusual that she would be in a place like that."

"She's not going to be in a place like that. Not if I can help it." I stalked away from her feeling more enraged and determined than I had in years.

"What are you going to do?" Alice called to me.

"I'm going to save her life — again."

She ran after me. "How?"

"By breaking my promise to stay away from her."

"Edward?"

I stopped and abruptly turned to face her. "It's pointless, anyway. Everyone in this family knew I wouldn't be able to stay away from her, most especially you. So, if I'm going to break the rules, then I'm going to break them all the way. I'm not holding back anymore, and I will not let her die." I articulated the last sentence with precision.

Alice's face contorted in worry. _But you'll be tempted… I'm afraid for you._

"I'm going hunting now, Alice. Go back to the house and tell the others that the deal is off. If they don't like it… so be it."

With preternatural speed, I darted away from her before she had the chance to talk me out of my decision. I raced for the woods behind the house, desperate to rid my body of the anxiety I was feeling. The jealousy of Bella with another man — the fear of her life being shortened — the unmistakable sensation of wanting her more than I had ever wanted anything in my entire existence.

I ran as fast and as furiously as I could, wishing I could run away from the path fate had laid out in front of me. The wind ripped around me as I tried to escape from the tight rope destiny had begun to wrap around my body. I was now deep into wood and the scent of fresh blood filled my nostrils.

In the distance, I spotted my prey - a helpless, harmless dear, which would prove to be a limited challenge to procure. It would have served me better to hunt in our usual place and find a more worthy opponent, but I didn't have time. My thirst was too powerful and I needed to drink to help clear my mind of the irrational thoughts plaguing it.

Within mere seconds, I had the deer's neck between my teeth. The animal fought and thrashed around, but stilled as the venom seeped into his system. I drank from him, sucking out the essence of his life and savoring the warmth of his blood as it spread through my veins.

I wondered what Bella would think if she could see me now as I drained a defenseless creature of it's blood. I wondered what she would think if she knew how my thirst for the animal's blood was nothing compared to my lust to taste her. She would be disgusted, of course, and rightly so. To me, blood was a necessity, without which there would be no life. I know from experience that the pain of abstaining from drinking was too fierce for even the strongest of my kind. But to Bella, drinking blood was sure to be something only a monster would do.

And I was a monster.

I drank, and when I had finished, I found another and drank from him as well. My thirst was far from quenched, and I morbidly considered that Bella's blood was the only blood potent enough to satisfy my thirst. I dropped the limp and lifeless carcass to the ground and stood still against the blowing wind, contemplating my next move. I gazed up at the darkening sky, praying for some divine intervention from whatever deity would listen to me. Maybe my attention should have been cast downward to Hell rather than up at the Heavens, for certainly it was the Devil who had placed me in this position.

All my thoughts were on Bella and the distance between us, both physically and spiritually. Everything I had done since the day she arrived in Forks had been for her own good. I had placed my own wants and desires on hold in order to guarantee her safety. And now I was faced with the possibility that my efforts may have been in vain. As unbelievable as the situation was, by staying away from her I only put her at greater risk. The only way to protect her was to be with her. It was against the rules — against nature — but I was left with no choice.

My feet began to move of their own accord, heading back past the house, back into town. It didn't matter to me that it was growing dark. I made no complaint about the biting, wet weather. My only concern was for Bella and determining how I could keep her safe without damming her to my personal hell.

I stood outside of her house, under the window of her bedroom, and waited for all sounds around me to vanish. There were no lights on and the only thoughts I could pick up on were the subconscious streams of a dream coming from her father. The stars above me confirmed the late hour, and I took the risk of entering Bella's home.

The moonlight spilling onto the floor provided the only source of light in the dark bedroom, but then I didn't need much light to be able to see her with my inhuman eyes. Her features were so delicate and beautiful - the whiteness of her skin…with a slight blush on her cheeks. That blush served as a constant reminder of her humanity, and the chasm that would always separate her from me.

I watched her chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm, the sound of her breathing so loud against the stillness of the room. I began breathing in time with her, wanting to match her, be equal to her on some basic level. It was an impossibility, of course, for her mortality made her far superior to me.

And then I realized something so profound, it very nearly knocked me backwards. Had it not been for the change, I would be long dead and I would have never been granted the opportunity to lay eyes on the amazing creature sleeping in front of me — never hear the lilt to her voice — never smell the fragrance of her skin. It was worth a century of blood to stand in her presence.

I wanted to keep her alive and mortal…and yet I knew I couldn't have her in that way. \ To be with her, to have her in my life would mean sacrificing the very essence of what drew me to her. I wanted her to be human, but I also wanted her as a companion. I permitted myself to admit it at long last. I wanted Bella to be for me what Esme was to Carlisle. But that could never be as long as she was human, and I wasn't willing to steal her mortality away from her.

She shifted in her sleep, tilting her head back and revealing to me the soft skin of her slender neck. My eyes were instantly drawn to the crimson, life-giving liquid pulsing through the thick vein on the side of her throat. Oh, how easy it would be to drink from her! How I would savor the taste of her. One taste was sure to sustain me for ages. I bent forward and inhaled her sweet fragrance. If I took what I wanted, I would lose her forever. And I wanted her for forever. 

What's the old human saying? Have your cake and eat it, too?

I stood up, never making a sound, and glanced down at her in a last ditch attempt to read her mind. If only I knew her feelings, this wouldn't be such a torturous decision to make. Would she accept me as a friend? And if she ever discovered the whole truth of what I was, could she ever look on me without fear and disgust? What did she want? My mind shouted the questions at her. _What do you want, Bella? _

And then she spoke my name.

I froze, wide-eyed and curious, like an animal caught in the headlights of an on-coming vehicle. I wondered for a moment if my movements had somehow woken her up, but she was so still and deeply asleep. Had I imagined the sound of her voice? My eyes never left her face as I watched her mouth form my name once more.

"Edward."

The movement of her eyes behind her lids told me she was dreaming. More so, she was dreaming of me. I let the thought swim in my brain as I stood rooted to the spot, uncertain of how to proceed. For the first time in nearly a century, I could have sworn I felt my heart beat.

And then I heard Esme's voice echo in my head. _It isn't natural for someone to go through life alone._ My vision was filled with only Bella. The urge to reach out and touch her was consuming, but I would not interrupt her sleep. I closed my eyes and imagined how it would feel to hold her in my arms again, inhale her fragrance, taste the salty sweetness of her skin, drown in the sound of her accelerated heart beat.

Try as I might, I could not escape fate… or Bella. I left the shadows of her bedroom to return to my hunt, for I would need to be strong if I were going to let fate guide my actions.


	8. unexpected ride

CHAPTER EIGHT

"You're not seriously going to do this, are you?" Emmett asked as we pulled into the school's parking lot.

I huffed in displeasure. "I'm not having this discussion again."

"We're only concerned for you, Edward," Alice sighed. "No need to get snappy."

I didn't appreciate her accusation that I was the one being snappy about the situation, but I wasn't in the mood to argue about it anymore. I had spent most of the morning quarrelling with my family about my decision and the potential dangers of the situation I was going to put myself in. I knew them all, as I had warred with myself all night, so I found it immensely aggravating that they felt the need to remind me of the risks I was taking.

It took me but a few seconds to glance around at the other cars and realize that Bella hadn't arrived at school yet. My family climbed out of the car and quickly started for the school, trying to avoid the rain, before they noticed I wasn't following them. One by one they turned around to cast worried looks at me.

_Aren't you coming in?_

Don't do this, Edward.

Are you sure you can resist?

Don't let it go too far.

I shook my head at them. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine once I talk to Bella."

Four sets of eyes looked as if they didn't believe me before turning away and leaving me alone to wait for my date with destiny. I was glad for the solitude of the moment. It was the first time since I returned to the house last night that I hadn't had warning thoughts shouted at me. Now all that surrounded me were the trivial inner ramblings of children and the wet splatter of rain. 

My attention was immediately drawn to the familiar red truck approaching the school. It passed my car and didn't come to a stop until it reached the other end of the parking lot. I chuckled to myself at Bella's obvious attempt to put as much distance between the two of us as possible. She was probably still angry with me for preventing her from escaping from Tyler yesterday. She would get over it, though.

I walked up behind her, taking in the gentle way her hair fell down her back. A breeze carried her delicious scent to my nostrils and I inhaled slowly. She clumsily dropped her keys into a puddle, scowling. She was completely unaware I was even close to her. Making my presence known, I retrieved the keys and leaned against her vehicle.

She jumped. "How do you _do_ that?"

"Do what?" I asked, dropping the keys into her outstretched palm.

"Appear out of thin air."

"Bella, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant."

She grimaced at me and then suddenly glanced down at the pavement. "Why the traffic jam last night? I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist, not irritating me to death."

I found the comment slightly discomforting, but laughed nonetheless. "That was for Tyler's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance."

"You…" Her mouth went wide as she choked on the vile word caught in her throat. Her face was turning red with anger and I could feel the heat from her body even at this distance.

"And I'm not pretending you don't exist." Not anymore, at least.

"So, you are trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler's van didn't do the job?"

I glared at her, distressed by her repeated suggestion that I wanted her dead. If only she knew the truth. "Bella, you are utterly absurd."

With clenched fists and a face displaying her fury, she spun on her heel and stalked away from me seething. I hadn't meant for this to go badly. She wasn't supposed to be angry with me now that I was a willing participant in her survival. It wouldn't do for her to be angry with me if I had any chance of convincing her to allow me to escort her on her trip.

"Wait," I called out, easily catching up to her and falling in step with her small stride. "I'm sorry, that was rude." She maintained her silence, ignoring me. "I'm not saying it wasn't true, but it was rude to say it, anyway."

"Why won't you leave me alone," she grumbled in reply.

"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me." I laughed at the very idea that Bella, and only Bella, had the ability to make me lose my train of thought, thanks to the fact that I couldn't hear her thoughts to know what was coming next.

"Do you have a multiple personality disorder?" Her voice was harsh and her body rigid.

"You're doing it again," I accused.

She expelled her breath and again my senses were inflamed. "Fine then. What do you want to ask?"

"I was wondering if, a week from Saturday — you know, the day of the spring dance - "

She rounded on me so fast that even I was a bit startled by the movement. "Are you trying to be _funny_?" Her face contorted with so much anger as she looked up at me I very nearly laughed.

"Will you please allow me to finish?"

In a pointed display of being forced to impatiently wait for me to continue, Bella huffed and clasped her hands together.

She was beautiful when she was angry.

"I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride."

She blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Do you want a ride to Seattle," I repeated simply.

"With who?"

"Myself, obviously." I articulated the word slowly to make sure she hadn't missed the meaning again.

She made a face of total confusion…or was it disgust? I wasn't certain. "_Why_?"

"Well, I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks, and, to be honest, I'm not sure if your truck can make it." I had come up with the excuse early that morning when Jasper pointed out how Bella would never believe I just wanted to escort her with no ulterior motives.

But she wasn't convinced. "My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern." She walked away from me, still angry.

"But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?" I persisted, matching her steady gait.

"I don't see how that is any of your business."

"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business."

"Honestly, Edward," I nearly gasped at the sound of my name coming from her lips again, reminding me how very much I enjoyed hearing it last night. "I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend."

"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be," I corrected.

"Oh, thanks, now that's _all_ cleared up." The sarcasm was dripping from her voice.

We stopped under the canopy of the cafeteria where the rain couldn't hit us and she looked up at me with those deep, chocolate eyes that so captivated me. "It would be more… _prudent_," I stressed once I'd found the most appropriate word, "for you not to be my friend. But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella."

Her eyes lingered on mine, boring deep into my soul. Her face softened as a glorious blush rose to her cheeks. I could stare at that face forever.

"Will you go with me to Seattle?" I asked softly.

Hesitantly, she nodded her reply. A surprising warmth spread in my chest upon seeing that nod, but the lingering blush on her face reminded me how very human she was. "You really should stay away from me," I stated. Not trusting myself to stay with her longer than necessary just yet, I finished the conversation by saying how I would see her in class and then turning around and forcing my feet to carry me away from her.

I traveled the halls of the school hoping to find some sort of distraction from how affected I was by Bella's subtle reactions. I had a few hours before I would see her again and I needed to use that time to clear my thoughts and ready myself to sit close to her for an entire hour. It would be tricky, but deep in my soul I longed for it. 

I was lost in my thoughts, about to enter my first period class room when Emmett broadsided me and pulled me around the corner to a more secluded area. His voice was loud in my mind.

_Don't go down the biology hallway. Stay away from there at all costs._

"Emmett, I'm not having this discussion with you again. I told you that - "

_They're blood testing today._

I stilled, uncertain I had heard his thoughts correctly. "What?"

_Blood tests._ "Just a finger prick, but still…" _Open blood._

"You're certain?"

"They're having a blood drive next weekend in Port Angeles. So, today they're doing the blood testing in case someone wants to donate."

I swore under my breath. Just the thing to add to an already complicated situation. Open blood… no matter how small the wound, I knew I wouldn't be able to handle sitting in a closed room with twenty odd bleeding fingers — one of which would be Bella's. The temptation to taste would be too great.

_You can't go to biology today._

"I know that, Emmett. Thank you very much."

"Well, you looked as if you were trying to decide what to do."

"I am," I admitted.

"But Edward - "

"I'm not going to risk it, so you don't have to bother with convincing me to stay away."

"We're all planning to ditch class," he explained. "Jasper wanted to go home right now and avoid the situation all together, but Alice wouldn't let him."

"Good for her."

"So then… you're going to ditch as well."

"I don't see how I have much of a choice. I worry though…" I let the sentence go unfinished, not wanting to put my feelings towards Bella out for examination again.

"You can't see her today, Edward," Emmett declared as if he could hear my thoughts. "I know you want to, but you can't."

I eyed him with determination. "You want to bet? If I don't see her, she'll think I'm angry with her again. I just managed to make a little progress and I'm not going to let that go to waste."

Emmett sighed, his eyes forming slits. _I don't believe you. You can't just ignore — _

"Lunch," I said, stopping him mid-thought. "I'll talk to her at lunch. That way I can tell her I'm skipping class and she'll know that it has nothing to do with her."

_Even though it has everything to do with her._

I smirked at him, but didn't comment. "We'd better get to class." 

He nodded and left me alone with my thoughts, again. It was a good thing we had classes apart from one another, for it would certainly look suspicious if we all decided to ditch at the same time. It was difficult enough having reasonable explanations for where we were on sunny days. But if we had biology all together and left four empty seats when we had been at school all day, someone would be bound to ask why. It was for possibilities like this that Carlisle insisted we take separate classes.

Rosalie didn't like it, for she never wanted to be left alone in a group of humans without a member of the family. Jasper was the same way, but for different reasons. Rosalie, was always worried that she would draw too much attention and that someone would grow curious enough to approach her about it. As much as she liked attention, she didn't enjoy speculation over what made her different. If she could have her way, she would be human again in a heartbeat. Jasper, on the other hand, simply didn't trust himself enough yet. He lived by our rules for Alice, but he didn't necessarily have any trouble drinking human blood. He'd grown up surviving on humans, and he would do it again if he were given no other choice.

I struggled through the school day, not because of the blood testing, but because it seemed to me that time was going very slowly. I longed for the opportunity to see Bella again, hear the soft melody of her voice, see the lovely tint of her skin, inhale the lush fragrance of her blood. After having been denied it for so long, knowing that I had a chance to be in her presence again stirred something deep within me. Lunch couldn't come fast enough. I found myself laughing at the irony of the thought.

Once lunch did arrive, I took a seat at the opposite end of the cafeteria away from my family. Rosalie shot daggers at me, but I could hear Emmett's mind as he tried to soothe her anger. Alice had apparently already worked her magic on Jasper, as I didn't hear many hateful comments from his mind, only words of caution. I made a mental note to thank Alice for helping me out, even if her motives may have been suspicious.

My senses alerted me to Bella's presence the moment she entered the lunchroom. Her eyes fell on my usual table, and I felt a thrill from the look of disappointment on her face once she realized I wasn't there. She was looking for me. How gratifying it was to know that she wanted to see me. I willed her eyes to search for me on the other side of the room, but her with regretful eyes she blindly followed Jessica through the line and over to her seat.

I very nearly shouted at her to look up at me, but I knew that it would only draw more unwanted attention. Since my mental powers thus far had proved to be useless on Bella, I turned my attention to Jessica and sent a silent command for her to notice me. She did. It was almost too easy.

_Edward Cullen is staring at us… no… at Bella. BELLA?!?!_

And he's alone? Why isn't he with his family?

Bella's eyes met mine in a flash. Beautiful. Not wanting her to be confused about my wishes, I wiggled my index finger at her, suggesting that she come and join me at my table. The surprise on her face was intoxicating.

_No way. He doesn't mean you, does he?_

Biology homework, my foot! He wants something. Oh, wow.

Her footsteps were soft as she tentatively approached the table and stopped behind the chair opposite from mine. Her face held so many questions and it pained me that I couldn't hear them so that I might ease her discomfort. Instead, I offered her a seat.

"Why don't you sit with me today?"

To my surprise, she sat down without arguing with me. I was almost disappointed, as I had some very good comments to counter whatever objections she might have had. As it was, she just watched me with open curiosity. Her eyes lingered on my face, and I offered her a smile.

"This is different," she said after a moment's pause.

"Well," I sighed, "I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."

It was the honest truth, and yet she squinted at me in disbelief. "You know I don't have any idea what you mean."

"I know," and it was a good thing, too. For if she did have an idea, I'm sure she would run away from me in an instant. Maybe she should run away from me.

From the corner of my mind I heard the distant comments of Mike and Jessica.

_Why is she with Cullen?_

I don't know either. I would be so nervous.

I don't like it. She shouldn't be with him.

I wish Mike would pay that kind of attention to me rather than to Bella. 

"I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you," I informed her.

"They'll survive." She very nearly turned around to look at them, but I held her eyes locked with mine.

"I may not give you back, though." Even though I meant for the comment to sound like a tease, Bella undoubtedly heard the honesty behind my words and visibly swallowed, hard. "You look worried," I laughed.

"No," she squeaked. "Surprised, actually… what brought all this on?"

She still didn't believe me. "I told you — I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving up."

"Giving up?" she echoed.

"Yes — giving up trying to be good. I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may." Fate be damned.

"You lost me again."

Oh, how she made me smile. "I always say too much when I'm talking to you — that's one of the problems."

"Don't worry — I don't understand any of it."

"I'm counting on that."

"So, in plain English, are we friends now?" There was uncertainty to her voice that I could only hope meant she wanted to be more than friends. But then, I was probably hearing what I wanted to hear, rather than the truth. I would never know as long as I couldn't access her mind.

"Friends…" I said with a slow hiss, ruminating over the word.

"Or not," she mumbled under her breath.

A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth again. I found it impossible to resist smiling at her fully, regardless of the uncertainty of the conversation. "Well, we can try, I suppose. But I'm warning you now that I'm not a good friend for you."

I noticed that she shivered slightly and her skin paled. "You say that a lot."

"Yes, because you're not listening to me. I'm still waiting for you to believe it. If you're smart you'll avoid me." But I knew that she wouldn't be able to. If she so much as tried, I could easily coax her back into my life. I had started down a path from which there was no turning back.

Apparently, I had said the wrong thing again, for Bella's eyes turned to slits as she bit out, "I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear, too."

I could only smile, yet again, in contrition.

"So, as long as I'm being… not smart, we'll try to be friends?" She made the most delightful face as she tried to work out the details of our conversation.

"That sounds about right."

Her eyes fell to the lemonade bottle in her hands. Her lips were pursed and I knew, I just knew, she was trying to think it all through. I couldn't hold back the question from escaping me. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm trying to figure out what you are."

Once again, she caught me off guard for that wasn't what I assumed she was thinking about. "Are you having any luck with that?" I hoped she would say no and was more than slightly relieved when she confirmed that she hadn't. "What are your theories?"

The blood rushed to her cheeks bringing the most charming tint of pink to her skin. Her teeth bit down on her luscious, pouty bottom lip and very nearly sent my head spinning as I imagined what it would feel like to have her lips between my own teeth.

I forced the thought from my head.

"Won't you tell me," I pleaded.

She shook her head no, sending her scent wafting through the air. "Too embarrassing."

"That's _really_ frustrating, you know," I grumbled.

"No, I can't imagine why that would be frustrating at all." The heavy sarcasm was back, as was the narrow look. "Just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean… now why would that be frustrating?"

My breath hitched at the mention that she couldn't sleep for thinking of me.

"Or better," she continued bravely, all inhibitions slipping away with the release of her animosity, "say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things — from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he promised. That, also, would be very non-frustrating."

Was it mad of me to find her even more attractive when she was angry? The way her blood pumped through her veins was mesmerizing. "You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?" I observed.

"I don't like double standards."

Our eyes locked as I tried to surmise her true feelings for me. I reached out with my mind, desperate to touch hers, but again was met with a blank. The only mind I was able to pick up on clearly came from the direction of Bella's normal table.

_He's bothering her. She's mad at him, I can tell. Maybe I should go over there and tell Bella to come back and sit with us. I wonder what Cullen would do._

What would I do? I dare you to come and find out.

"What?" Bella asked.

"Your boyfriend seems to think I'm being unpleasant to you — he's debating whether or not to come break up our fight." It was laughable that he would even think such a thing.

"I don't know who you're talking about, but I'm sure you're wrong, anyway." Her voice was cold, but the heat rose in her body.

"I'm not. I told you. Most people are easy to read."

"Except me, of course."

"Yes, except you." I considered her for a moment, wondering if she knew at all the struggle it was for me to manage a coherent conversation with her. Perhaps that's why we had a tendency to argue. I didn't quite comprehend her words as well as I could. It left me baffled. "I wonder why that is."

She pulled her eyes away from mine and took a drink of her lemonade. For the first time since she joined me, I noticed she hadn't brought any food over with her. "Aren't you hungry?" I asked out of concern.

"No. You?"

"No, I'm not hungry." Oh, the irony of the question! The prey asking the hunter if the target was ready to be hit. Immediately, I scolded myself for referring to her in such a way.

"Could you do me a favor?" she hesitated.

I was cautious to say yes, even though I knew I would do anything she asked of me, even if it was to stay away. "That depends on what you want."

"I just wondered… if you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good. Just so I'm prepared."

I fought back a laugh and said, "That sounds fair."

"Thanks," she replied.

But she had opened the door and I simply couldn't resist taking the invitation. "Then can I have one answer in return?"

"One."

"Tell me one theory." From the wide-eyed expression on her face, I must have taken her by surprise with my question, but I simply had to know.

"Not that one."

"You didn't qualify," I countered, "you just promised one answer."

"And you've broken promises yourself." She was trying to distract me again by changing the focus of the discussion. It wouldn't work.

"Just one theory — I won't laugh."

"Yes you will."

She was right; I probably would laugh, as I sincerely doubted she could ever work out the truth. I gazed at her, willing her to tell me, but when no response came I resorted to begging. I leaned in close to her and muttered a simple, "Please?"

She blinked, appearing to be in a daze of some sort. "Er, what?"

The charm must have worked somewhat this time. Not wanting there to be any further confusion, I articulated my request very slowly. "Please tell me just one little theory."

"Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider?" She stammered out her far-fetched conclusion. 

I had to admit, it was a first, even if it wasn't very original. "That's not very creative."

She scowled a bit. "I'm sorry, that's all I've got."

"You're not even close." Thank God.

"No spiders?"

"Nope."

"And no radioactivity?"

"None."

"Dang." She looked slightly disappointed.

"Kryptonite doesn't bother me, either," I finished, unable to get in one last tease.

"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?"

I forced my face into a solemn expression, but found that the struggle was unnecessary when I heard her next comment.

"I'll figure it out eventually."

All humor was set aside at her warning. "I wish you wouldn't try."

"Because…?"

"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" Even though I was being as honest as I could with her, I tried to maintain a smile.

"Oh, I see."

I could see the wheels turning in her head, and I grew fearful that she very well did see. "Do you?" I asked, wishing with all my might that I could know what was going through that lovely head of hers.

"You're dangerous?" she asked, as if she were working out the full measure of all my comments leading up to this moment. I forced my body to remain still and not give away how nervous I was that she might reach an unwanted conclusion.

"But not bad," she resolved, her voice no more than a whisper. "No, I don't believe that you're bad."

"You're wrong." I swiped the bottle top from her and began spinning it on the table as a distraction. I was bad. I was very bad for being drawn to her. It was wrong of me to desire her the way I did. Even talking to her could be considered as breaking the rules. But I couldn't just give up now. I had to protect her. I cared for her too much to see her injured in any way. But how would I ever protect her from myself?

Suddenly, she jumped to her feet. "We're going to be late."

I almost forgot we were in school; I was so distracted by her presence. "I'm not going to class today."

"Why not?"

"It's healthy to ditch class now and then." And the Devil only knows what I would do to you if I came that close to your blood.

"Well, I'm going." She said it, but she didn't make any motion to prove it. 

"I'll see you later, then," I promised, letting it be known that I desired further contact with her.

She stood still, waiting for something and just watching me. It was maddening that I couldn't know her thoughts. She didn't move until the sound of the bell snapped her from her unidentified thoughts and she ran from the lunchroom.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

I adore my Volvo. It's a beautiful piece of machinery. Normally, I used my car as a place and means of escape. All alone inside a locked car, I could speed down a stretch of highway and feel almost normal with no voices inside of my head and no thirst for blood over powering my senses. In situations like this one now, it being the middle of the school day when I couldn't very well drive away with any surety of making it back in time for my next dull and pointless lesson, I would sit in the vehicle with my eyes closed and music blaring, drowning out any and all distractions. After living eight decades with constant chatter in my head, it was a relief to be able to tune it out every now and then.

Yet today, the solace I sought for in the closed confines of my car eluded me. My mind kept wondering over the conversation I just had with Bella. How deep her eyes were when she let me look into them without shying away. How beautifully her face colored under my gaze. How her pulse would quicken at the most unusual times. I could go insane trying to figure out the inner workings of her mind. It baffled me to no end how easily she could distract me and change topics. I never knew what to say next to her, and I was an expert at always saying the right thing. I was an expert at saying the exact thing someone wanted or needed to hear. After all, that was part of my gift.

With Bella, however, I always seemed to say the wrong things. When I thought I was being polite, she interpreted my words with an attack. If I thought I was being complimentary, she took it as being critical. I was beginning to think I would never win her over. And yet, maybe that was the point — that I wasn't supposed to win her over. I was dangerous to her - more dangerous than a van skidding on ice — more dangerous than whatever it was Alice saw in that dark, creepy alley. No one could hurt her the way I could — and at the same time, no one would ever love her as much as I did.

It was an irresolvable paradox.

I extended my arms backwards over my head, taking in the calming effect of stretching out the matured muscles in my back and shoulders. I wasn't tired, but I could feel the stress of the day wearing on my body. The fluid strains of Debussy flowed around me as I tried to relax and just be patient for classes to end. Classical music always calmed me — a fitting testament to the old adage of how music soothed the savage beast. 

But my mind wasn't cooperating with the atmosphere I was trying to create. I was too focused and preoccupied with Bella to fully relax. I wanted to see her again, but I doubted if I should approach her so soon after the blood testing. A small pick on her finger was nothing in the grand scheme of things, and yet it was everything. It would be easier to smell her scent with an open wound, no matter how small, which was sure to make the temptation irresistible. Even the idea of her blood clotting under the gauze of a band aide sent my thoughts to a place they shouldn't go.

Even if the blood wouldn't prove to be a problem, I would still have to convince her that I wanted to attempt a friendship. Friend. It was laughable that she defined our potential relationship with such an ordinary and nondescript word like 'friend.' It could be so much more if I could maintain any control over the monster within me. I was breathless at the possibilities.

I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings, reaching out with my mind to find Bella, or rather the void where she should be. Against my better judgment, I sought out Mike Newton's inane mind, for he was certain to be thinking about Bella. He was almost as obsessed with her as I was. Almost. To my utter surprise, I saw him coming out of the building before I heard him, and Bella was next to him.

S_he really looks bad. Perfect time to offer some comfort._

Oh, she doesn't want me to touch her, I guess. I've never seen someone react to blood like that.

I was out of my car in the next second. Bella had dropped to the ground, pale and nearly lifeless. My breath hitched in sudden and indescribable fear. What the devil had Mike Newton done to her?

_She's going to get all dirty on the ground. And man, look at the color of her skin. I've never seen anyone that color._

"Wow, you're green, Bella," I heard him say as I ran up to them, careful not to run too fast to be suspicious.

"Bella?" I called, and instantly I heard the internal groan come from Mike. I ignored him. I didn't have time to deal with his dislike of me. My only concern was Bella.

"What's wrong - is she hurt?" I didn't smell any blood, thank the stars, but her skin was much too pale and her pulse was too greatly accelerated for my liking. Mike was right, she did look green. Only the dead had skin that color — a fact I knew very well.

"I think she's fainted," Mike said, troubled. "I don't know what happened. She didn't even stick her finger."

"Bella," I soothed, dropping to my knees beside her and keeping my voice as calm as was possible. "Can you hear me?"

"No," she whimpered. "Go away."

She was lying with her head on the cold, wet cement of the sidewalk, which I found humorous because I knew she didn't like the cold or the wet.

"I was taking her to the nurse, but she wouldn't go any farther." His tone and his whole body position told me I wasn't welcome, but I really didn't care.

"I'll take her," I insisted, effectively drawing the battle lines between the boy and myself. "You can go back to class." It wasn't a suggestion but rather a command.

_Like hell I will! I'm not leaving her with you._ "No, I'm supposed to do it."

I didn't have time to argue with the boy. It would only make me angry and considering my state of mind lately, I didn't even want to imagine what I would do to him if I allowed myself to get angry. Besides, the longer we fought for the rights to tend to Bella, the worse her condition grew. I knew it was more important to get her some help than it was for me to make it clear to Mike that she wasn't interested in him.

She couldn't be interested in him. I wouldn't tolerate it.

Gently so as to not hurt her fragile body, and carefully avoiding contact with any exposed skin, I lifted her off the cold ground and held her in my arms. There was warmth there, but not as much as there should be. I didn't like it. She had felt hot the last time I gave myself permission to be this close to her, and now she was cool to the touch. Her eyes flew open in astonishment.

"Put me down!" I could smell the bile on her breath, confirming how ill she was.

"Hey!" Mike protested from behind me. _You jerk! How dare you. Damn Cullen. I can't stand him._

Mike's opinion of me mattered little considering I felt the same way about him. I focused instead on the delicate creature in my arms. "You look awful," I stated, offering her a smile to try to make her feel more at ease. She was stiff in my arms and I could almost hear the fear in her mind that I might drop her.

Not a chance.

"Put me back on the sidewalk," she requested, but I couldn't. She might faint again and hit her head. She escaped a concussion once — I wasn't about to let her risk it again.

"So you faint at the sight of blood?" I asked, knowing the answer already, but enjoying the irony of the fact. I crave it, she is repelled by it. Fitting.

But she didn't answer. She only closed her eyes and pursed her lips against whatever ache she was feeling.

"And not even your own blood," I concluded, for she hadn't pricked her finger. I could only imagine what she would think of me were she to ever learn the truth. Her repulsion at the very sight of blood was bound to make her hate me should my true nature ever be revealed.

I eased her inside the building and entered the office, catching Ms. Cope by surprise.

"Oh, my," Ms. Cope said when she saw Bella.

"She fainted in biology," I explained and made my way around the counter to the nurse's office. Mrs. Hammond was engrossed in one of her romance novels again.

_His hand brushed lazily against my hips before he crushed his body against mine and…_

Oh. OH! A student. Shoot. Just when it was getting good.

I quietly placed Bella on the paper-covered cot and took up position against the wall on the opposite side of the room. The nurse would likely check her over and I didn't want to risk catching the scent of her breath on a deep exhale for worry that I would react.

"She's just a little faint," I told Mrs. Hammond, who was still pondering the outcome of her trashy book. "They're blood typing in biology."

She nodded in understanding. "There's always one."

Leave it to Bella to be singled out among the norm. It only proved to me that she was indeed very special.

"Just lay down for a minute, honey, it'll pass."

"I know," Bella moaned. I was relieved to see the color returning to her face.

"Does this happen a lot?" asked the nurse.

"Sometimes."

It was my guess that it happened anytime she was near blood. Could fate have chosen a more complicated situation to put me in? After years and years of being alone, I end up falling for the one human whose mind I can't read, whose blood I craved more than any other, and who fainted at the smallest sight of blood.

"You can go back to class now," the nurse informed me.

"I'm supposed to stay with her." I said it in that authoritative voice that humans rarely challenged and was rewarded with the desired result.

"I'll go get you some ice for your forehead, dear." She hurried out of the room, leaving us alone. I took the opportunity to really look over Bella's features, checking her pulse and inhaling her scent to see if she was doing any better.

"You were right," came the unexpected moan from her chapped lips.

"I usually am–but about what in particular this time?" I was anxious for her answer.

"Ditching is healthy." She took several steady breaths, composing herself. I was glad I had enough foresight to position myself away from her.

I watched her silently for a moment before admitting to her how frightened I had been a moment ago. "You scared me for a minute there. I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the woods."

"Ha ha," she mocked, her eyes still closed.

"Honestly–I've seen corpses with better color." It was the truth. "I was concerned that I might have to avenge your murder." For I would have certainly turned my back on my upbringing and committed murder myself had Newton harmed her.

"Poor Mike. I'll bet he's mad."

She had no idea. "He absolutely loathes me," I confirmed without remorse.

"You can't know that," she countered.

Yes, I could. "I saw his face–I could tell."

Her hand rubbed at her stomach and I wondered if she was going to be sick. "How did you see me? I thought you were ditching."

"I was in my car, listening to a CD." I omitted that I was obsessed with her and that nothing would escape my notice from now on.

Mrs. Hammond returned with the ice for Bella's head. She placed it across her patient's forehead saying, "Here you go, dear. You're looking better."

"I think I'm fine," Bella muttered, sitting up slowly. My stance was on guard instantly; ready to catch her should she fall. Before the nurse had a chance to make Bella lie back down, the door opened and Ms. Cope announced the arrival of another patient.

"We've got another one," she warned.

Bella, always more willing to help others than help herself, hopped down from the cot to free up the bed for the next invalid saying, "Here, I don't need this." She handed the ice pack back to the nurse.

That's when I smelled it. Blood. Fresh blood. Not as potent as Bella's, but it was open and flowing and too close for comfort. Mike Newton, who must have been trying to play the hero today, stumbled in supporting another boy from our biology class. They were both bleeding from the tiny pinpricks in their index fingers.

"Oh, no." If Bella saw the blood, she would likely be sick. "Go out to the office, Bella."

She glanced up at me with those wide, brown eyes in confusion.

"Trust me–go."

She did exactly as I said and left the room without any further explanation. It wasn't like her to just do as she was told. She liked to argue with me, so this obedient action really was a shock.

"You actually listened to me."

"I smelled the blood," she said, making a face of disgust.

That was impossible. "People can't smell blood."

"Yes I can," she contested. "That's what makes me sick. It smells like rust…and salt."

I was beside myself with astonishment. Never in all my years had I ever met a human who could smell blood. Taste it, yes. Humans often tasted blood — their own blood. I'd seen many humans sucking on a paper cut or biting their cheek accidentally, causing them to bleed. But smell… as far as I knew, blood wasn't fragrant enough, for a mortal to smell at least— especially in such a small dose.

"What?" she asked, looking up into my stunned face.

"It's nothing." But it was everything.

We were interrupted then by the ever-bothersome presence of Mike Newton. His eyes met mine for a moment and I heard his animosity clear as crystal. If only I could hear Bella that easily.

_You really think you're going to win this one, don't you Cullen. Why don't you go back to whatever rock you crawled out from under? _

If he'd said those words aloud — if I wasn't as disciplined to resist — I would have done away with him. I resisted killing Bella all those weeks ago; I figured I could resist killing Mike Newton.

The boy's eyes settled on Bella. "_You_ look better."

"Just keep your hand in your pocket," she ordered.

"It's not bleeding anymore." _It really grossed her out. Huh. Now if only Cullen weren't here._ "Are you going back to class?"

She gaped at him. "Are you kidding? I'd just have to turn around and come back."

"Yeah, I guess… So are you going this weekend? To the beach?" His eyes flashed to mine again. _Yeah, that's right Cullen. She's going out with me. Take that!_

"Sure, I said I was in." She obviously didn't know the true intentions behind Mike's invitation.

"We're meeting at my dad's store, at ten." _And you're not invited, Cullen. I wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with you._

I wanted to tell him that the only way I would ever spend time willingly with him was if he was dead, but of course I held my tongue.

"I'll be there," she confirmed.

"I'll see you in gym, then." He hesitated at the door, not wanting to leave. _I can't wait to get her away from Cullen. Man, I hate that guy._

The feeling was mutual. Knowing it would incite the boy further, I silently took my place by Bella's side. It was a place I expected to be from now on, so Newton would just have to get used to it.

"See you," Bella called as Mike finally left the room.

I smiled to myself, inwardly cheering that I had won the match. Newton could believe what he wanted to believe, but Bella wasn't interested in him. I knew that even without having the luxury of her thoughts.

Then she groaned the word, "Gym," bringing my focus fully back to her.

"I can take care of that. Go sit down and look pale." If Bella didn't want to go to gym class, then Bella wasn't going to go to gym class. I couldn't blame her. I despised gym just as much. It was so dull and boring having to hold back and pretend I couldn't outrun every student in the school. 

Bella sat down and rested her head against the wall. The coolness must have been soothing and I wished it would be possible for her to lean against me. It would certainly be the first time my cold skin would be a welcome and helpful comfort. But it would mean being close to her — too close. Letting her touch my skin. It would be glorious and frightening at the same time.

I brushed the thought aside and leaned onto the counter. "Ms. Cope?"

"Yes?" The woman's eyes locked with mine and I knew I had her. Some humans couldn't resist the pull of our immortal eyes, and Shelly Cope was a perfect example. She found us all to be very beautiful, and I was her favorite. We all had used her this way to get out of doing things — being excused from classes we couldn't or didn't care to attend. This should be easy. In that voice that I knew would send her head spinning, I said, "Bella has gym next hour, and I don't think she feels well enough. Actually, I was thinking I should take her home, now. Do you think you could excuse her from class?"

"Do you need to be excused, too, Edward?" She blushed. _Students have no right to be that handsome._

I smiled. "No, I have Mrs. Goff, she won't mind."

"Okay, it's all taken care of. You feel better, Bella." _With Edward Cullen taking care of you, I'm sure you'll feel better in no time._

I turned to face Bella. "Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you again?" The offer was for show, and Bella picked up on it right away.

"I'll walk."

Slowly and tentatively, she stood up, testing her legs. I was ready to catch her, but she seemed steady enough. I politely opened the door for her, like a gentleman should for a lady, and followed behind her as we stepped out into the cool mist of the afternoon.

"Thanks," she said softly. "It's almost worth getting sick to miss gym."

"Anytime." The wind blew against us and my nostrils were filled with her scent.

"So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" Her question, as always, came out of thin air. I didn't quite know how to respond. And then I realized… she would be leaving Forks. And Alice had seen her in danger.

"Where are you all going exactly?"

"Down to La Push, to First Beach."

That was an unforeseen complication. Yet another in the ever-growing list of things. Even if I had wanted to, I was forbidden to go there. The Quileutes had kept their end of the bargain for all these years. I wasn't about to be the one to break our long-standing agreement with them. Still, I couldn't think of any dark, creepy alleys around First Beach. I smiled down at her, thankful that I wouldn't have to talk her out of going. "I really don't think I was invited."

She sighed, and again I caught her scent. Her breath smelled sweet again, as it should. "I just invited you," she stated.

It thrilled me more than it should that she wanted me to attend. But I had to turn the offer down. I'd made that agreement with the Quileutes myself. I opted to explain my absences in a more traditionally teenaged fashion.

"Let's you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. We don't want him to snap." I wasn't sure who would snap first, Mike or me, but even still, I didn't want to chance it.

"Mike-schmike," she drawled teasingly, heading for her truck.

I grabbed at the back of her jacket and held her in place. She couldn't be considering driving. It was insane. "Where do you think you're going?" 

Her face contorted into her confused look I knew so well. "I'm going home."

"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?" She'd have an accident and kill herself. All this work to keep her alive — I wasn't about to let her endanger herself.

"What condition? What about my truck?" she grumbled.

"I'll have Alice drop it off after school." I pulled her toward my car, insistent that she not drive home by herself.

"Let go!" she protested, but I ignored her. I held tight to the back of her coat until we reached my Volvo. I must have been pulling her more forcefully than I thought for she stumbled into the car when I let her go.

"You are so _pushy_!" she complained.

"It's open," I replied before getting into the car myself. I didn't want to give her any chance to get away.

But in typical Bella fashion, she wasn't going to comply until she fought with me first. "I am perfectly capable of driving myself home!"

She stood there in the rain, pouting and getting ridiculously wet in the process. It was sweet, really, that she thought she could defy me. I lowered the passenger side window and told her to get in.

She was quiet and I could just imagine the plan formulating in her head. I shook my head at her will power. "I'll just drag you back," I warned.

She huffed and jutted her chin out in defiance, but opened the car door and climbed in. She was dripping wet, her hair nearly plastered to her face, but still I found her beautiful. The color was back in her cheeks and her heart was beating out its usual patter.

"This is completely unnecessary."

I had to give her credit; she put up a good front. Not many humans would have been able to resist for as long as she could. It only fascinated me more.

I keyed the ignition, turning down the music and making sure the heat was up. She needed to be warmed to avoid further illness. I headed out of the parking lot, keeping my eyes straight ahead and my senses as closed off as I could keep them. Having her scent trapped in my car could prove to be a bad decision, but I willed myself to keep calm.

Her body was stiff as she tried not to be affected by my presence. I knew that we had a scent that humans found alluring, but I'd never really given much thought as to how it would affect someone I cared about. Bella was clearly trying to ignore me and having a difficult time doing it.

"Clair de Lune?" she said suddenly, breaking the thick silence.

"You know Debussy?" Few teenagers these days paid attention to classical music.

"Not well," she admitted. "My mother plays a lot of classical music around the house–I only know my favorites."

"It's one of my favorites, too." It was comforting to have something in common with her, considering the vast differences between us.

My mind began to ponder over her mother. From the brief conversation I had had with Bella, I knew that she and her mom were good friends, which couldn't be said for too many of the teens I passed in the halls of the school. She must miss her mom a lot, and vice versa. Even though I didn't remember my natural parents very well, I still missed them. More so, the few years I separated myself from Carlisle were some of the loneliest I'd ever experienced. So, I knew what it was to be away from those who cared for you.

"What is your mother like?" I knew she hadn't been expecting the question from the strange expression on her face.

"She looks a lot like me, but she's prettier. I have too much Charlie in me." Interesting that she would chose to start with physical descriptions. I'd never sensed much vanity from Bella. It was one of the things I cherished about her. I had enough vanity living with Rosalie. "She's more outgoing than I am, and braver," she added. "She's irresponsible and slightly eccentric, and she's a very unpredictable cook. She's my best friend."

The frown that fell on her face confirmed that she missed her mother deeply.

I rounded a corner and came to a stop at her house. She seemed completely oblivious to the fact that we had even arrived. I looked over at her, pondering the complexity of her very existence. She was so very young, a fact I had to remind myself of when my thoughts strayed into forbidden territory. I was attracted to her, that much was certain, and I sensed that she was attracted to me. But I was fooling myself into thinking someone as young and as beautiful as Bella would ever fall for a monster like me.

"How old are you, Bella?" I finally asked, unable to contain the question within me any longer.

"I'm seventeen." She said it as if I was clueless, which, for the most part, I was.

"You don't seem seventeen."

She laughed then at some inside joke, which only drove home the annoyance of not being able to hear her thoughts.

"What?" I was forced to ask.

"My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year." She laughed again, creating music to my ears. "Well, someone has to be the adult." Her eyes formed slits. "You don't seem much like a junior in high school yourself." 

She was more observant than I gave her credit for. "So why did your mother marry Phil?" I asked, changing the subject away from my old age.

She seemed flustered for a moment, though I didn't know why. "My mother…she's very young for her age. I think Phil makes her feel even younger. At any rate, she's crazy about him."

I wasn't convinced she thought Phil was a good match for her mother. "Do you approve?"

"Does it matter?" she countered. "I want her to be happy…and he is who she wants."

I was stunned at the maturity of the answer. "That's very generous…I wonder." And then my mind traveled down that forbidden path yet again to contemplate how her mother would respond to me, should Bella ever see me for more than a friend. 

"What?"

"Would she extend the same courtesy to you, do you think? No matter who your choice was?" Her eyes were wide and I could see my face reflected in the dark color. I shouldn't have said that, for it opened up too many possibilities for disappointment. What if her choice wasn't me? It shouldn't be me, but I wanted it nonetheless.

"I think so," she stammered. "But she's the parent, after all. It's a little bit different."

"No one too scary then," I said, and was granted a smile in response.

Bella's face was even more beautiful when she smiled. I would make it my mission to make her smile every moment of her life. "What do you mean by scary? Multiple facial piercing and extensive tattoos?"

"That's one definition, I suppose." But a relatively inaccurate one at the same time.

"What's your definition?"

I answered her in my mind. _How about a bloodthirsty vampire who could drain you dry and still your heart all in one swift blow? _

"Do you think that _I_ could be scary?" I dared to ask, slightly smiling. I kept my mouth closed, not wanting to draw attention to the way my mouth watered at the very thought of drinking from her.

She considered the question, leaving me aching to have her thoughts. "Hmmm…I think you _could_ be, if you wanted to." I knew she had more to say and was editing her response, but it would have to do.

"Are you frightened of me now?" It was a serious question - all teasing vanished.

Her answer came without hesitation. "No."

I smiled at her bravery. If anyone should be scared of me, it was her. I wanted so much from her — more than friendship or companionship. No matter how much I loved her, I would always and forever lust after her blood.

"So, now are you going to tell me about your family?" She asked innocently. "It's got to be a much more interesting story than mine."

Given the line of questioning that I had followed, it was only logical for her to ask me the same questions, but I immediately put up my guards, for I was worried that her observant nature had picked up on the things we tried desperately to hide. I was hesitant when I said, "What do you want to know?" 

"The Cullen's adopted you?"

That was simple enough to answer. "Yes."

"What happened to your parents?"

She meant my biological parents. Again, easy to respond to without raising too much interest. "They died many years ago."

"I'm sorry." She sounded sincere.

I was touched and wanted to make it clear that the loss of my natural family wasn't so painful anymore. "I don't really remember them that clearly. Carlisle and Esme have been my parents for a long time now."

"And you love them," she stated matter-of-factly.

It made me smile. "Yes, I couldn't imagine two better people."

"You're very lucky."

"I know I am."

"And your brother and sister?"

Now we were getting into dangerous territory. With each addition we made to the family over the years, explanations grew more and more complex. It wasn't something we could just easily recite anymore. As an honest diversion, I used the late hour as my excuse to escape from her curiosity. "My brother and sister, and Jasper and Rosalie for that matter, are going to be quite upset if they have to stand in the rain waiting for me."

"Oh, sorry, I guess you have to go." She made no move to get out of the car.

She needed more persuading. "And you probably want your truck back before Chief Swan gets home, so you don't have to tell him about the biology incident."

She sighed heavily, her breath sweet and feminine. "I'm sure he's already heard. There are no secrets in Forks."

Now _that_ was funny. She may be more observant than I first took her for, but she had no idea of the revelations in store for her. That is, if I ever found the courage to tell her. For now, I would enjoy what closeness I could obtain and bask in her life-giving warmth for as long as she would allow.

But there wasn't time for that now. I had told the truth when I said my siblings would be angry with me if I made them run home in the rain. "Have fun at the beach…good weather for sunbathing."

Something flashed across her expressive face. What was that? Disappointment? "Won't I see you tomorrow?"

She would miss me. The thought warmed my frozen heart. "No. Emmett and I are starting the weekend early."

"What are you going to do?"

I thought - _I'm going to try and satiate my thirst so I can manage to be in your presence without wanting to drain you of every drop of blood._ "We're going to be hiking in the Goat Rocks Wilderness, just south of Rainier."

"Oh, well, have fun." She tried to sound sincere, but again, the disappointment was obvious.

I wanted to tell her that I would miss her, too. That the thought of not seeing her, not being close to her, frustrated and worried me to no end. I wanted to say that I would return as fast as I could, that she wouldn't be alone ever again. But I couldn't — it might frighten her away. Instead, I settled on the gentle request for her to be careful. "Will you do something for me this weekend?"

She nodded, her eyes transfixed to mine as I attempted to look into her soul.

"Don't be offended, but you seem to be one of those people that just attract accidents like a magnet. So…try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right?" I offered her a soft smile.

My words upset her and she glared at me. "I'll see what I can do."

Hurriedly, as if she was flustered by the whole conversation, she dashed out of the car, slamming the door behind her. She haphazardly sloshed her way to the door, nearly slipping as she went. Even through her clumsy nature she was beautiful.

Hopefully, the memory of her beauty would sustain me while we were apart.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

Competition. Other than Rosalie, it was the one thing that Emmett loved. He thrived on competition, as if he would suffocate without it. Being a vampire made this difficult for him in the fact that he could easily best any human challenger. The only beings he could effectively compete against were other vampires or himself. Thus, he was constantly trying to prove himself worthy— better himself at whatever task was set before him. Today was no exception.

I watched him for the third time now as he darted across the forest, up the hill to where he could find his prey, and return with a triumphant smirk planted firmly on his face. He'd been so quick about it, he spilled some blood on his shirt. I only shook my head in disapproval.

"So, how fast was that?" he asked, dropping to the earth beside me.

"I didn't time you," I answered from my position flat against the ground.

"You said you would," he complained

"I did — the first time you went out."

"And what about the other two?"

I shrugged. "It seemed faster. I'm not sure."

"You're not — ugh — Edward! You're taking the fun out of this!"

I glared at him.

"I'm not going to come hunting with you anymore if you're going to be all love-sick and depressed."

I sat up in a flash. "I'm not all love-sick and depressed."

"If you say so." But his mind mumbled in complaint, pointing out my frustrating behavior of the last twenty-four hours.

_All this fuss for such an ordinary girl? I don't get it. But hey, if he loves her then I suppose we have to put up with him. He should be happy that we didn't just kill her. That would have been a much easier solution._

"You realize that since we're the only two sentient beings within four miles that yours is the only mind I can hear."

"So?"

"So stop. Please."

"I can't just stop thinking."

"You can stop thinking those particular thoughts."

"But that's what I'm curious about."

"I don't care. Think about something else."

It was quiet for a moment before scandalous images of Rosalie came floating into my mind.

"Emmett!"

"You told me to think about something else, and I did!"

I groaned and rubbed my eyes. "I really don't have any desire to see Rosalie half naked."

"I know — and I thank you for that," he grinned suggestively. "I don't think I've ever said thank you for turning down Rose. I mean, when I first found out about that — when I figured out that Carlisle had intended for you and Rose to hook up and that you weren't interested, I thought that you were - "

"Emmett," I interrupted him.

His eyes were wide. "Well, I did."

"I know you did," I replied.

"I mean, come on, what man is going to turn down Rosalie? There had to be something wrong with you."

I rolled my eyes. This was not the conversation I wanted to have. "There is nothing wrong with me. In fact, I was doing myself a favor by staying away from her. We're like oil and water — we don't mix."

"Well, duh, I know that now. But you have to admit that all these years without a companion…"

"I never wanted a companion," I corrected.

"Until now," he added matter-of-factly. I looked at him in surprise. "I'm right, aren't I?"

I pulled my eyes from him, wondering if for a split second he had managed to tap into some kind of extrasensory perception and hear the constant thoughts of my mind.

Emmett flashed a big toothy smile at me. "I may not have telepathic powers but I know when a man wants a woman."

"Emmett," I warned.

"Why are you fighting it, anyway?"

"We're here to hunt, not to discuss Bella's future."

"But see, that's the problem." He shifted to face me better, his legs crossing in front of him. "Ever since Bella Swan arrived in Forks, she has been the only thing you can focus on. Day and night — no matter where we are — it's all about Bella."

"What's your point?"

"My point is that you're obsessed with her, and until you do something about it, the rest of us have to suffer through your moods."

"And in your opinion, what I should do is kill her."

He shrugged again. "Or change her."

I glowered at him.

"What?" he cried.

"Have you not heard one word I've said about this?"

"Oh, come on, Edward," he chuckled. "You can't really just intend to keep her as a human."

"That's exactly what I intend to do."

Emmett rolled on the ground, laughing at me in delight. "Oh wow, she's really got you wrapped around her little finger, hasn't she? This is really going to be fun to watch. I never thought you'd ever be this entertaining, Edward. You're always so serious."

"I'm serious about this, too, Emmett, so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop mocking my good intentions."

"Oh, I'll grant you that your intentions are good, I just think you're being a bit too naive."

I snapped at him, irritated at his assessment. "I'm really tired of being accused of naivety. I'm older than you are, Emmett. Just because I haven't been lusting after a woman for the last century doesn't mean I don't understand how the world works."

His smile fell and his voice grew hard. "You honestly think you're going to be in this girl's presence, inhale her scent, hear her heartbeat, feel the heat from her skin, and not respond to it? What are you going to do — just sit there next to her? How long do you think you can keep that up? Five years? Maybe ten? Bella'd be what…twenty-eight? 'Cause that wouldn't raise any eyebrows, with you looking seventeen."

"I can pass for twenty-five," I said bitterly.

"Yeah, and she could pass for _thirty_-five." He paused, while I seethed. "If you're going to do it, you better do it fast, but if you're not going to do it, you'd better let her go."

I couldn't sit still anymore. I was too frustrated. I had to run. I had to hunt before I turned and lashed out at Emmett. His points were valid, but I wasn't willing to accept them. Bella was too innocent — too pure to be attacked by a bloodthirsty monster like myself. I would just have to quench my thirst the best way I knew how.

I darted off into the trees, immediately picking up the scent of the bears Emmett had been playing with all day. They weren't difficult to find, for Emmett had really riled them up. They were angry over their fallen comrades, and when they spotted me, they held nothing back.

That's what I wanted — a fight. There were three of them roaring and charging right at me. Their eyes pierced mine as I readied myself for the attack. I snarled at them, baring my vicious teeth and making my intentions clear. They growled in reply, one going up on his hind legs to tower above me and swipe at me with his paws. It was thrilling.

Leaping over my head and pouncing on the bear standing up right, Emmett attacked with as much vigor as I'd ever seen. His teeth tore at the animal's throat and the lush smell of blood filled the air. I took out the bear closest to me just as easily, ripping into his neck and drinking down the warm fluid as fast as I could. My system took pleasure in being filled so fully with blood. I felt my insides begin to thaw as the blood rushed through my veins. I savored the taste in my mouth, desperately trying to convince myself that this blood was just as good as any other but knowing very well that I was fooling myself.

When I had consumed the last drop of the animal's blood, I glanced over at Emmett, who was standing over the carcass of the third bear. _What a waste. _

"What's the matter?"

"I had to take this one out before I was done drinking. He was about to clobber me. Now his blood's gone all cold. I hate that." He frowned in disgust.

"He can't be too cold," I said, stepping over the remains of my grizzly and coming to stand beside the one Emmett was complaining about. I touched the animal's thick fur and felt the warmth still lingering. "We can still drink."

Emmett sneered. "No thanks. You go ahead. I like them when they're still struggling."

"You just want the danger," I corrected.

"Not much danger in a grizzly bear anymore, though," he laughed. "Still, I wasn't much afraid of them even when I was human and I could get hurt."

I stilled, my mind drifting uninvited back to Bella. Humans were so very fragile, and they seemed to have no idea of this concept. Mortality was seldom a topic found at the forefront of a human mind. And yet, it should be. After all, Emmett and I were proof of how destructible humans were; disease took my life, a bear took his.

I couldn't help but wonder what would eventually take Bella's life and stop the beating of her precious heart.

"Now what?" Emmett groaned.

I snapped my eyes to meet his, suddenly aware that I had lost track of my thoughts yet again. "I'm sorry," I muttered quietly.

"And here I thought that you were back to having fun. Do you have to mope so much?"

I opened my mouth to protest, but then shut it, conceding defeat. "I really am sorry, Emmett. If I could stop thinking about her, I would."

"Her — so we _are_ back to Bella again."

I smirked at him.

He huffed and sat down on a log, stretching out his long limbs casually. "What is it this time? Please tell me you've decided to change her and get it over with."

"No, Emmett. Quite the opposite, actually." I joined him on the makeshift bench.

"So, you really are just going to keep her human?"

I breathed deeply before answering. "That's what I want, and I do see your point. Really I do. But I can't imagine her with cold skin and no heartbeat. I just can't. It seems to me that everything special and unique about her would be lost, all to satisfy my cravings. It isn't a worthy enough reason, in my opinion."

"Well, if you've ever wanted to prove that you're stronger than I am, I suppose that would do it. I wouldn't last five seconds."

"You didn't last two seconds," I corrected.

He nodded silently, and then shook his head. "I still can't see how it's going to work. I mean, you'll have to be careful even touching her. If you held her too tight…"

"I know," I sighed. "I've already considered that. Hell, I'm always thinking about how easily she could be harmed, and Bella is more accident prone than any human I've ever met. I feel as if it's my duty to make sure she doesn't… break."

"Even though you could snap her like a twig." Emmett was never one for displaying too much tact.

I thought for a long moment, carefully considering how to approach the concerns floating around in my head. I figured if Emmett could be blunt, then so could I. "Bella is at First Beach today."

Emmett's eyes instantly met mine. "Really? Why?"

"Her friends invited her."

"Well," he stuttered, "she is allowed to go there. It isn't like she's already one of us."

I ignored his use of the word "already". "I still don't like her going there. I don't think the Quileutes would ever harm her, but Bella is special. If I can recognize it, then someone else will eventually recognize it as well."

"But she's human. What can they do to her?"

I was slightly appalled at his lack of thought on the subject. "She's always human, but think about the things you or I could do to her." Before Emmett could comment, I admitted my last and final concern. "I don't like her being that far away from me. What if she were to be injured and I wasn't there to help her?"

Emmett made a face at me. "What's she goanna do on the beach? Get a sunburn? Stub her toe on a rock?"

"Considering that she not only escaped being crushed by a van, but that she also has managed to stay alive in spite of having several angry vampires after her, I wouldn't put it past her to get into some kind of trouble this weekend."

"And you care because…"

I really wanted to strangle him at that moment. "I care because I love her! You know, Emmett, sometimes I wonder if your brain is even working."

"Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you. I see the many flaws in your little plan, whereas you can only see Bella."

I hummed, pursing my lips and cocking an eyebrow. "Kind of like you when I'm arguing with Rosalie. You can never see my point, regardless of the issue. All you can see is that Rosalie is upset and you want to fix it."

"Yeah, but that's different."

"How so?"

"Well, Rosalie is my… wife."

"And you love her."

"Of course."

"And I love Bella."

He rolled his eyes and thought, _Whatever._

I stood up, taking a few strides away from him. "I'm going back tomorrow." I made the decision hours ago, but only now chose to make it known to Emmett. I was annoying him, and vise versa. It wouldn't do either of us any good to stay out here and argue for hours on end.

Besides, I was too worried about Bella to be this unaware of her physical status. I needed to hear that heart beating in her chest. It was a physical ache not to have proof of it right this second.

"But Alice said we'll have sun through Wednesday. There's no reason to go back now," he protested.

Again, I was disappointed at his absent-mindedness. "There is a reason…for me."

_Bella_. I heard the internal groan. _I'll be glad when he changes her so we can stop all the fuss. It's irritating._

I very nearly punched him for that, but opted to take out my aggression on the mountain lion I had just spotted. The animal had blood. Emmett didn't. And I needed more blood if I wanted to be near Bella again.

Sunday came and I kept my word about going back, much to Emmett's dismay. I told him he could stay if he wanted to, but I knew he wouldn't. Emmett liked hunting with someone too much to stay out in the woods alone. He liked the thrill of showing off his strength. He enjoyed hunting as a team, like some crude sport where the only rules were to leave no evidence behind and the loser ended up dead. But that was Emmett, plain and simple. 

When we reached the Forks city limits, I jumped out of the Jeep without giving Emmett a warning.

"Where're you going?" he called, slamming his foot on the break and skidding on the wet pavement.

"To see Bella," I replied honestly.

"What if she doesn't want to see you?"

"She's not going to see me." I turned and walked away from the truck, hearing Emmett's doubtful mind speculate about my sanity. I wasn't too certain myself. The one thing I did know was that Bella was the most important thing to me — the most important person I'd ever met. My need to be with Bella was second only to my need for blood. 

I found myself at the edge of the woods just outside of her small house. It was still early, but Chief Swan's car was already gone. He must have been on duty today. I was upset at him for some unknown reason for leaving Bella all alone. If I had a daughter as accident prone as Bella, I would want to protect her as best I could. But then, Bella wasn't my daughter, she was just my friend. I could only hope that someday she would be so much more.

I'm not sure how long I watched the house before I saw movement through the glass of the windows. It was Bella, of course, and she looked… angry? She disappeared for a moment, and then the front door swung open, revealing a slightly rumpled looking Bella dressed in a raincoat and boots. I was instantly at attention, curious about her state of mind and why she felt the need to go out on such a gloomy morning as this one. It wasn't normal.

Since when had Bella Swan done anything normal?

She stomped past her truck and headed right for the very last place I ever wanted her to go — the forest. There were dangers in the forest unlike those found out in the open. Animals, broken tress, slippery slopes...not to mention the creatures that hid within the shadows. With Bella's history, she would certainly encounter one, if not all of the dangers, getting into as much trouble as she could.

My senses went into overdrive as I followed her. I breathed deeply, seeking out any unwanted beast that might cause her harm. It was painful to do so, given the nearness of her potent scent, but I wouldn't let her come to harm just so I could be comfortable. I was most decidedly uncomfortable with the idea of her being taken from me when I could prevent it.

The earth made a squishing sound under her feet and the birds overhead squawked as they flew by. I froze, half expecting her to turn around and look at me, fearing my movement had startled the birds. But Bella kept on her course, down the thin path into the heart of the woods.

She plodded through the brush with a fierce expression plastered on her face. I had read her correctly, she was angry, and I allowed myself a moment of congratulations for getting it right. Whatever joy I felt over my astuteness fled as I begin to ponder the source of her anger. It was far too early in the day for such emotion, and she had most likely spent the morning alone. Had something happened at the beach yesterday? Had Mike made an inappropriate advancement towards her?

I began imagining Mike's mangled body lying in a heap, his blood flowing freely.

No. That couldn't be it. Bella was too strong of an individual to ever let someone like Mike take advantage of her. She had gone with a group. I couldn't let myself believe that she would put herself in a situation where he could take advantage of her in such a crude way. She was too smart for that.

Or was she?

She'd been all alone in a car with a vampire just the other day. A vampire who craved her blood over the blood of every other living thing. That certainly wasn't smart.

And now she was plopping down to sit on a fallen tree in the middle of a wild forest with that same vampire watching her. Anything could hurt her out here. I could hurt her. But I wouldn't, nor would I allow anything to come near her. I took my place behind a large tree and stood stock still, my eyes glued to her form.

She sat in total silence for an inhuman amount of time. Just thinking. I could see her making faces as she internalized some sort of struggle. It ate away at my brain that I couldn't share those thoughts. I wanted them so desperately. It was cruel that she could be so worked up and I had no way of knowing what bothered her. I wanted to comfort her, make that pain go away. I knew it wasn't my place, but to see her so obviously hurting inside made my cold heart break.

My nose caught the scent of one of the beasts kept hidden from the humans. I whipped my head around quickly, my eyes searching for the source. I saw nothing, but then these creatures were well equipped to hide in the trees. Bella needed to leave.

She needed to leave now.

My mind screamed at her to go. _RUN! _

If she didn't move soon, I would have to make my presence known and drag her out of there myself before she would be killed. I could imagine how her frightened and astonished face would glare at me for secretively following her — daring to save her life. She would hate me for it, I was sure.

And then the rain began to fall.

To my great astonishment and relief, Bella rose from her position on the tree and headed out of the woods. I stayed as close to her as I could without being spotted, my eyes and ears tuned in to every sight and sound the forest made. They wouldn't hurt her. I wouldn't let them. It might start a war between my kind and theirs, but so be it. 

It took too long for Bella to find her way out of the shadows and into the open world, but she eventually made it, and all in one piece. I released a sigh as she marched back to her house — back to safety. She casually entered as if nothing had happened, completely unaware that her life had been spared, yet again.

At that moment I made the promise that would eventually come back to haunt me. I would never let anything hurt her — not even myself. If I had to destroy myself to protect her, I would, and gladly. My love for her might just be the end of me, but I couldn't avoid it. And I would watch over her like a hawk to make sure I didn't break that promise.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

The next forty-eight hours were excruciating. Whatever complaints I had had last month about having to watch Bella through the thoughts of her friends while trying to avoid her were nothing compared to watching her in the same way while knowing that she would welcome my company. The trouble wasn't with Bella or me this time. The trouble was the damn sun that chose this week, of all weeks, to shine brightly over the tiny town of Forks. Fate stepped in, once again.

I was forced, literally forced to hide from Bella. I watched her by driving around in the car she wouldn't recognize; my Vanquish. I would park some distance off and just listen for the minds of her friends to include her in the conversation. It was frustrating to no end, since most of the time I couldn't see her face. I never realized how much humans, or even my family for that matter, relied on facial expressions to help sort out the meanings behind certain words, but I was learning fast. I couldn't hear her speak most of the time, so I didn't have the bonus of listening to the tone of her voice when she made certain confusing statements. 

It really was bothersome.

Sunday evening wasn't all that bad, for it was just her father that she spoke to. What could be confusing about fish and a paper on Macbeth? Bella didn't spend much time with her father that evening, retreating to her room to work on her assignment, but Charlie Swan thought about his daughter a great deal, and I was able to pick up some valuable information. 

Her birthday was in September, and he wondered if she would stay with him long enough to celebrate it here in Forks. Charlie hadn't celebrated a birthday with his daughter in her whole life due to his divorce. It saddened him that he hadn't been there for her more, but he was thrilled to have her now. That's why he kept a certain distance from her and never pushed for much; he wanted her to like him and hoped that she would stay.

If Bella knew how much her father loved her, she would think twice about calling him Charlie the way she does.

That night I watched her sleep again. She was so beautiful when she slept. So calm, so still — almost too still for my liking. But I had to watch her, for it was in her sleep when her unguarded thoughts came out. The words would tumble from her full lips, unedited, uncensored. Comments about her mother, about Forks and how green everything was. About the rain. She seemed to fuss when the rain pounded on the roof.

And then there were the comments about me that would pierce me through and through. Usually it was just my name, as it had been that first night. But every now and then she would sigh and wonder at what I was. It didn't bother me as much as it should that she was still so curious. All I could focus on was that she was dreaming about me again.

I wished I could dream about her.

On Monday the confusion of her silent thoughts took hold almost as soon as she arrived at school. I had seen the pleased look on her face that morning when she stepped out into the sun, so naturally she chose to sit outside for a while before classes began. It didn't take long for the shark to find his bait and start bothering her, yet again, with proof of his idiocy.

_There she is. Alone. No Cullen. Perfect. Maybe the beach convinced her she had been wrong about me. _

I growled in response, trying to pick through his brain to find out what happened at the beach. Did she do anything specific with him? Kiss him? Hold hands? Whatever it was, it was too much.

_Hey, she likes my hair. Cool. I like her hair. I like her everything._

I hated everything about the boy.

_What did she do yesterday? Hopefully she wasn't with Cullen._

Homework. No Cullen. Good. The essay? When is that due anyway? Thursday?

Oh…Wednesday. I wonder what's she's doing it on.

I have no idea what she just said. Whoa. She's smart. If she's really smart though, she'll go out with me.

For the first time I could recall, I was aching for Jessica to show up so I wouldn't have to listen to Bella through Mike anymore. If I did, I might end up doing something I'd regret. But for now, I had no other option.

_Why would going out be a bad idea?_

Because I would rip out your throat if you touched her.

Jessica? Why would Jessica care? 

Could Mike be any more dim-witted than he was?

_Oh… Jess likes me? Really? Is that why Bella is staying away?_

Class. I didn't notice. Yeah, I don't want to be late either — hey… Bella?

Damn.

I smiled. She'd given him the brush off yet again. I felt slightly warmed by her treatment of him and relieved that she wouldn't have to be with him again until lunch.

Jessica Stanley's mind came into focus. Unfortunately, she wasn't much concerned about Bella as she was too preoccupied with purchasing a dress for this silly dance so she could go and sway her body up against a teenage boy who wished she were Bella. I felt sorry for her really, knowing what I did about Mike and how little he really cared for this girl who was so head-over-heels in lust for him. I wanted to go up to her and tell her flat out that she was wasting her time. But I couldn't. Something about Jessica's hope for her impossible relationship gave me some hope that Bella and I could manage to work things out.

Impossible, but there was no harm in hoping. Or was there?

Jessica prattled on and on about dresses and shoes and flowers and all those things a normal human girl should go on about. I wondered if Bella was feeling left out? Did she really want to go and was just putting on a show? Or was her story about Seattle just her chance to escape from these mindless adolescents? I doubted I would ever really know.

It wasn't until Jessica invited Bella to go shopping in Port Angeles tonight that I really sat up and paid attention to the conversation. Bella had said yes, if Charlie would agree to it. Why wouldn't he? Again, I wished that Chief Sawn would keep a tighter leash on his daughter, but I knew from listening to his mind that he would say yes to her. He wanted her to have fun in Forks. He wanted her to stay.

I wanted her to stay, too.

Port Angeles was nothing but a tourist trap with high priced food and expensive shopping. But it was outside of Forks, and something told me that Bella was longing to escape for a while.

And then I realized… she would be leaving Forks tonight.

The memory of Alice's vision came into my mind again. I darted though Port Angeles in my mind, searching for the sinister alley that might be Bella's final resting place. There weren't many options for it, but there were some. I couldn't let her risk it. I would have to go to Port Angeles as well. I would have to follow her to keep her safe.

They would be leaving after school, once Bella talked to Charlie. The end of school was several hours away, but if I were going to follow her… there would be the chance that I would end up near her. I internally checked my thirst. It had only been a few days since I'd last hunted, and yet I didn't trust myself. I couldn't take risks where Bella was concerned.

Putting the Vanquish in gear, I pulled out from my hiding spot along the side of the school and sped home. It took me all of about five minutes to make the drive, which was a record that Emmett was sure to attempt to break once he found out. It wasn't much of a surprise to find Carlisle waiting for me on the front porch. Alice had probably told him I was on my way home.

"Are you staying long enough to actually talk, this time?" he asked.

"I really don't want to discuss it." I brushed past him, past the house all together, and headed for the woods, blocking out his mind. I didn't want to be distracted.

But he wouldn't be ignored and his soft voice called to me as I ran. "I believe that my position in this family, as well as my legal status as your father, permits me the right to at least one private discussion with you about this topic."

I stopped; my back was still to him. "There isn't anything you could possibly say to me that I haven't already said to myself."

"Still, I deserve the opportunity to at least say those things to you anyway."

I laughed coldly. "Why? So you can try to talk me out of this?"

"I would never talk you out of this, Edward."

His admission surprised me, and I opened my mind and let his thoughts seep into my brain. _I would never talk you out of love._

Abruptly, I turned to face him. "Then you agree with me?"

He smiled softly. "The lines between agreeing and disagreeing… right and wrong… they're all so muddled, aren't they? There is no black and white in this situation, only shades of gray. That's why I worry."

"Don't," I spat.

"Oh, Edward," he laughed warmly. "You can't tell me not to worry about you anymore than I can tell you not to love this girl."

"Then we don't have anything to talk about."

"Yes, we do." He was beside me now, and I knew that if I chose to run, he would easily stop me. "I want to know what your intentions are."

"I intend to keep her safe — keep her human."

He hummed knowingly. "And after that?"

I stared at him blankly. _After five or six years? Then what will you do, Edward?_

"Nothing! I don't - " My jaw clenched and my voice softened. "I don't know." I couldn't look in his eyes and admit it, so, like a coward, I looked away.

"That's why we need to discuss this. It's been a long time since we've had any additions to this family."

My anger flashed. "That won't happen."

"So you say."

"So I _know_."

"Listen to me, Edward. Hear me out without interrupting. You owe me that much courtesy for putting up with this foul mood you've been in for so long."

I stood quietly, silently fuming.

"You're in love with her, Edward. In almost a century, I've never see you so dedicated, so fascinated with another being. I now understand why you never took to Rosalie when I brought her into the family. Bella and Rosalie are like day and night, and you've always favored the daylight over the dark. I know you, and I know you won't give her up easily."

"I won't take her life," I growled, unable to hold it back.

"That's good because I would be disappointed in you if you did. But I don't think you'll respond well to letting her go, either, should that be your ultimate decision."

I looked into his golden eyes, questioningly. 

_I'll do what you want me to do, Edward. I'll help you in any way I can, but you have to trust me._

I crumbled. "I don't know if I can do this. I want her. I want her more than I've ever wanted anything. And it's not just her blood…" I trailed off, my voice dropping to a whisper. "I can't even begin to imagine what one drop of her blood would do to me."

I paused and inhaled the damp air surrounding me. "But it isn't just her blood. It's… her… everything. Her warmth, her eyes, her… touch. I don't like it when she touches other people."

There was a long pause before Carlisle asked, "And that worries you?"

"Yes," I admitted. "I don't know how to deal with this. It's all so foreign, like it's against my nature. And it is. To want her… when I know I can't have her."

"It's human of you to want her in that way," he assured me.

"Even though I want her blood more than her?"

For that, Carlisle didn't have an answer. And yet his thoughts betrayed him. _You don't have to suffer like this. I want you to be happy. If she makes you happy… there is a way…_

"I can't," I sighed, dropping my head. "I won't damn her to this non-life." I looked up at him directly. "I know there is a God… because I know there is a Devil. I know without a doubt that God would unleash all his terrible fury on me if I ever harmed a creature as innocent and as precious as Bella."

"And what if you did it to save her, as I have done? What of your innocence? Of Esme's? Do you think God will punish _me_ for what I have done?"

Why did he have to ask the difficult questions? "This is different."

"It's only different because you love her."

Nothing was said for the longest time. Carlisle even kept his thoughts from me, giving me space and time to ponder the conversation so I could take it all in. Then his mind was suddenly clear again. _Where were you going?_

"To hunt."

His eyes became slits. "You don't need to hunt."

"Yes, I do. To be near her, I can't be the slightest bit thirsty."

_I see. Please be careful._

"I'm always careful with Bella."

He let me go then, off to hunt on my own. I never used to enjoy hunting alone. My kind doesn't do well in solitude. It's ironic that Hollywood and Gothic novels have always depicted us as lonely and solitary creatures, when the truth is that we crave companionship. I had always assumed that my family was all I needed. However, now that I knew Bella, now that I had spent time in her presence and understood the ache of being separated from her, I couldn't fathom ever being without her. Now, as I went off to curb the subtle appetite growing inside of me, I realized that as long as Bella lived, I would never be alone. Even though there was no being close by for me to converse with — laugh with — I still wasn't alone. I had her.

I would have her, I corrected.

I arrived at Bella's home just in time to catch her heading out the door. I heaved a sigh of relief, but it stuck in my throat when her phone began ringing. She walked back inside and I darted up to the house to listen in on her conversation.

Jessica had called to cancel.

"No, it's all right. I understand," Bella's lyrical voice rang through the walls to my sensitive ears.

"Really. I think you'll have a great time. No, it's what you want."

She laughed, but it sounded forced.

"Really, Jess, go and have dinner with him. We can go shopping tomorrow night."

Could this woman be anymore selfless?

I could hear her grumble as she hung up the phone, indicating how dreadfully she wanted to go. But she messed in the kitchen for a while, taking her frustration out on the fish her father brought home yesterday. I could smell the rotting flesh and hear the clanking of dishes even from this distance.

Things were quiet for a while, and I thought that she might have fallen asleep. I had just decided to approach the house and possibly enter it when the front door flew open. I dashed back to my hiding place in the woods to watch. There was Bella, in the bright light of the afternoon sun, holding a book and a blanket.

Quietly and rather gracefully, she spread the quilt out over the small yard and plopped down on her stomach to start reading. It was a rather large book — much larger than the normal teenage fluffy novel. She flipped through the pages, looking for something, and then settled down to begin reading. I longed to know her thoughts, hear her mind as she glossed over the text. And then, after reading several pages I heard her grumble my name.

"Ugh…Edward. How did I forget that?"

Forget what? It ate away at me that I didn't know what she was complaining about. What had I done? She hadn't even seen me today. Maybe that was the problem.

She flipped through the book again, continually muttering under her breath. "Edward… Edmund…can't she pick names that don't remind me of him?"

Her discontent was obviously centered on me, but for the life of me, I couldn't fathom why. She hadn't seen me in several days. What I had done wrong now?

But my train of thought was lost as the breeze brought her strong scent over to my hiding place. I closed my eyes and consciously inhaled, reveling in the fragrance, letting it seep into my skin. It was glorious yet toxic at the same time.

When I opened my eyes, Bella had flipped onto her back and spread herself out on the quilt as if she were sunbathing. I watched her intently. She was sunbathing, I was sure of it. She was trying to soak up as much of the sunlight as she could into her pale, flushed skin. I swore in that moment that I could hear her thoughts — hear her shout how much she adored the sunlight, craved its life-giving light. 

My breath hitched in my chest. How would she respond to an eternity of darkness?

The sound of wheels spinning on the drive drew my attention to her father's arrival. I drew back, retreating deeper into the shadows. Bella's eyes flashed open and her voice was startled.

"Charlie?"

Had she heard me? Seen me?

Her eyes looked around, searching for something but seeing nothing. She shivered and quickly gathered up her things before heading inside the protection of the house. I darted up next to it, daring to be so close but needing to hear the conversation within the walls.

"Sorry, Dad, dinner's not ready yet — I fell asleep outside."

"Don't worry about it. I wanted to catch the score on the game, anyway."

There was no mention of the possibility of someone watching the house. Bella would have to learn to be more observant than this if she ever hoped to survive in Forks.

They ate and watched television. There was little discussion between them, but Charlie's thoughts were constantly attentive to his daughter. He liked having her home. It was special to him that she would chose to sit with him for no other reason than to provide company.

I could completely understand his reasoning.

When she asked her father about the shopping trip, I wanted so very much to rush in and tell Chief Swan to forbid her to go. Keep her near you at all times, I wanted to warn him. But just as I knew he would, he gave her permission to go.

My concern for her safety lasted long into the night as I watched her. Sneaking into her bedroom had become second nature, and the need to have her words as she slept was too overpowering to resist. I was beginning to time how long it would take her, once she entered R.E.M. to mumble my name. Tonight, it happened right away, and was followed by a few unexplainable sighs.

But my time close to her was limited to the darkness, and I escaped her room just before dawn to head back to my own home. My kind might not need to bathe as often as the humans, but none of my family particularly enjoyed wearing the same clothes every day. It could be argued that Rosalie was the biggest clotheshorse who ever lived. And Alice's shopping addiction didn't help matters either, but at least she would purchase things that would rise in value over the years. Alice was good at spotting future treasure.

I dashed into my house and darted up to my room where I could change. On my way out, I stilled when I caught my reflection in the mirror hanging in the hall. I looked…different, even though I knew it an impossibility. There was a brightness to my eyes that I'd never seen before. I wanted to brush it off as a trick of the sunlight, but I couldn't help but consider that for once in my long, tired existence, I had a reason to continue. In Bella, I had found my will to go on.

It wasn't long before I was parked outside of the school, waiting for the day to end. I arrived after class had started, but I could see Bella's red truck sitting in the back, a clear sign that she made it to school without incident. The day dragged on as Jessica explained about her date with Mike the previous evening and maintained her overzealous enthusiasm for the dance. My mind was going numb listening to her, and I wondered if  
Bella was feeling the same way.

When the day ended, I stealthily followed Bella and Jessica back to Bella's home where the red truck was abandoned for Jessica's more reliable, yet considerably old, white Mercury. I could see the excitement on Bella's face as she climbed into the passenger side of the car. Was she excited to go shopping, or was it the draw of actually being away from Forks that made her so giddy with delight? More importantly, was it me from whom she was trying to run away?

They stopped to pick up Angela before hitting the highway and passing the Forks city limits. I kept my Volvo at a safe distance, always staying at least five car lengths behind them. Jessica was too interested in getting details on the men in Angela's life to pay much attention to the cars behind her.

Secretly, I wished she would ask Bella if there was anyone who had caught her attention.

Once in town, they found the department store and went inside. I couldn't risk stepping into the sunlight and drawing attention to myself, so I waited for them outside in my car. Jessica was easy to hear and I wasn't worried about Bella finding trouble in such a well-populated place like a shopping center. No one could do much harm to her without being spotted right away. Thus, I turned on the radio and began to relax.

It was only about an hour later when I heard Jessica's mind more clearly, coming into focus.

_We have lots of time. We should go to the bay!_

Oh, car first. I don't want to get my new dress all dirty down there.

Yeah, whatever. She can be odd that way.

I was confused, uncertain about whom she was finding odd. It had to be Bella.

I backed my car up and started driving around, keeping my distance from the parking lot where I knew they were currently putting their collected items in the trunk. The bay wasn't far off, so I headed down to wait for them. In their minds, they were still going on about boys and dresses, as if there wasn't any thing else of importance in the world.

And then they came into view.

And Bella wasn't with them.

My eyes went wide as I dived into Jessica's thoughts to see where Bella had vanished. The image of the local bookstore came into focus, and I sped off to find her. How could she be so stupid as to wonder off on her own? How could I have been so careless to let her out of my sight?

I stopped in front of the bookstore and rolled down the window to peer inside. I could smell the lingering scent of her skin in the air and knew right away that she had traveled on, going south, heading right into the less populated — less friendly areas of the city.

She would have to come back this way, I told myself in a poor attempt to calm my nerves. She would have to return to her friend's car eventually. But the idea didn't offer me much comfort.

My mind was racing as I drove in circles around the town, my breathing somehow labored. My eyes sought out every tiny nook and cranny of every alleyway I passed, but I was limited to the places my car could fit into. Damn the sun! It couldn't set fast enough. I could find her more quickly on foot.

And then I heard it. I heard _him.   
_  
Bella. Her face — her body was clear as crystal in his mind. And what he was imagining doing to her made my head spin.

Fury — rage — anger unlike any I had ever felt before pulsed through what little blood I harbored in my veins. I was burning inside, on fire by the wicked thoughts of the man and the way he anticipated hurting Bella with such pleasure. 

Correction…_men_. In the plural. I could hear four distinct minds all with the same vicious intentions. They were following Bella, each hoping to be the first one to steal her innocence. And even if they weren't lucky enough to be first, they would at least take their turns. 

I growled and the killer in me plotted to take them out one by one. It would be easy… if only I could find them.

My foot pressed the gas pedal all the way to the floor as I raced through red lights and stop signs without even glancing to see what I might hit. The image of Alice's vision filled my mind. Bella lying in a dark alleyway… her blood spilled… she would die. The monster inside of me roared as the car spun around the corner and headed down another road.

"Get in!" I demanded, wanting to get her out of there as fast as possible.

No one except Bella.

She climbed into the car promptly, her eyes full of relief and gratitude. Her face was flushed pink. I could hear her heart racing in her chest, thumping so loudly I wondered if I hadn't put her in more danger by rescuing her. But I didn't ponder on it long.

The slam of her door signaled to me that she was safely inside the vehicle. I forced the gas pedal to the floor and in a squeal of tires, we sped off and away from the human monsters.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

"Put on your seat belt," I ordered.

She did as she was told without hesitation. The silence in the car was thick; the only sounds came from the hum of the engine and Bella's panting breath. She had to calm down before she hyperventilated. She had to stop breathing so heavily before I went dizzy from her scent.

I held my breath, trying to keep my sanity, which was difficult considering the state of mind I was in. Everything in my nature told me to turn around and return to the place where Bella was very nearly hurt so that I could take the lives of the men who had threatened her. It would be so easy, and incredibly rewarding, to see their bodies mangled, to taste their blood in my mouth as punishment for even thinking they had the right to touch her. They lived on the fear of women. It would be only fair for them to experience the same sort of fear and lose their lives in the process.

I drove hard and fast, trying to put as much distance between the disgusting brutes and myself. I had to think of Bella now. I couldn't let her see what I really was, no matter how powerful the temptation to kill was. Why save her from one set of monsters only to expose her to an even more ferocious and vicious monster? I wouldn't do it. She was too pure to see such violence.

"Are you okay?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"No," I growled. I hadn't meant to sound so angry, but my emotions were out of control.

I could feel her eyes on me. Her heart was racing in her chest at an inhuman speed. Her breathing was shallow — too shallow for her own good. With every passing second, the rage within me grew. Those men had brought her to this — caused her body to respond in a potentially dangerous manner. They would have to pay for what they had done.

Without understanding why, I suddenly slammed on the breaks and brought the car to a screeching stop. Bella's body lurched forward, still in motion. Her concerned eyes drilled into me.

"Bella?" I asked, trying not to sound so upset.

"Yes?" Her voice was a whisper, and she cleared her throat to help release the tension.

"Are you all right?" It was a silly question. Of course she wasn't all right, but I couldn't hear her thoughts to know just how severe the damage was to her system.

"Yes," she managed with difficulty.

I hated the fear I heard in her voice. I loathed those men for bringing this upon her.

"Distract me, please," I barked.

"I'm sorry, what?"

I exhaled in frustration and was immediately hit with a wave of her scent.

"Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down." I really couldn't think clearly. Between the urge to find the men and rip their hearts out and the luxurious scent of the creature next to me, my mind was totally befuddled. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to keep her scent from me for a moment.

"Um," she stammered. "I'm going to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school?"

That wasn't what I had expected, nor did I understand it very well. I never understood her words. They always took me by surprise.

"Why?"

"He's telling everyone that he's taking me to prom–either he's insane or he's still trying to make up for almost killing me last…well, you remember it, and he thinks prom is somehow the correct way to do this. So I figure if I endanger his life, then we're even, and he can't keep trying to make amends. I don't need enemies and maybe Lauren would back off if he left me alone. I might have to total his Sentra, though. If he doesn't have a ride he can't take anyone to prom…".

"I heard about that." I didn't tell her that I had heard it in his mind.

"You did?" She sounded irritated again, but she continued babbling out her intentions. "If he's paralyzed from the neck down, he can't go to the prom, either," she added.

She was trying to be funny, but I couldn't find the laughter in the moment. I sighed and opened my eyes.

"Better?" She sounded hopeful.

"Not really." I figured it was pointless to deny it. She would have to be blind not to see how angry I was. Her scent was so potent in the small confines of my car. I inhaled deeply, leaning my head back and trying to find something on the ceiling to focus on rather than my desire to kill the human excrement I knew were just a few blocks away.

"What's wrong?" Her voice was hushed and full of worry.

"Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella," I admitted, peering out the window and hoping the men had followed my car so I would have a more logical excuse to murder them. To my disappointment, there was no one to be seen. "But it wouldn't be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those…" The word I wanted to use got caught on my tongue. I'd heard words like that uttered all over the high school, but Bella didn't need to hear them now. She had been through enough as it was. "At least, that's what I'm trying to convince myself."

"Oh."

She seemed so small physically. She was so breakable. What had I gotten myself into, thinking I could keep her alive?

"Jessica and Angela will be worried," she said suddenly. "I was supposed to meet them."

I'd nearly forgotten about them. In my rage and fury — in my attempt to rescue Bella once more from the jaws of Fate - I forgot that she was here with friends who would worry about her should she not return to them. I wasn't ready to let her go, not now, not when I had made a spectacle of myself. I couldn't hear her mind, but I was certain Bella was questioning why I was here.

Another more dark and sinister part of me was afraid that if she left me alone in my current state of mind that I may very well abandon all rational thought and hunt down the malicious men who tried to hurt her. It wouldn't be wise for her to leave me.

I turned the car around and sped back into town, picking up on Jessica's mind just as easily as I always had. Why was it so easy to pick up on her mind when Bella's thoughts were such a mystery? I saw right away that they were at the local Italian restaurant. Within no time, I pulled into a space in front of the building, just as Bella's friends were walking by.

"How did you know where…?" Bella muttered. She shook her head in confusion and her scent filled the air. I had to get out before I lost my mind.

"What are you doing?" She called to me as I started out of the car.

"I'm taking you to dinner." The explanation was simple enough, but I could see the hesitation in her lovely face as she got out of the car.

My eyes darted up the block to where the other two girls were walking away. "Go stop Jessica and Angela before I have to track them down, too. I don't think I could restrain myself if I ran into your other friends again."

It was the truth, and for once Bella believed me. I saw her shiver, and the blush on her skin paled slightly.

"Jess! Angela!" she yelled to them. 

The two girls turned around in relief at hearing Bella's voice. And then their eyes fell on me.

_Oh, my gosh. Is that… no way._

Edward Cullen? How the hell did she end up with him?

"Where have you been?" Jess asked, suspicious. And where did he come from?

"I got lost," she lied. Well… almost lied. "And then I ran into Edward." Which was partially the truth.

"Would it be all right if I joined you?" I tried to sound as casual as I could, given the circumstances and my heated temper.

_Whoa… is he hot._

Did he just ask me a question?

Am I still standing up?

I wish we hadn't already eaten. I would love to spend time next to him.

"Err…sure," Jessica managed through her befuddled thoughts.

"Um, actually, Bella, we already ate while we were waiting–sorry," Angela declared.

Both girls were surprisingly flabbergasted by my very presence and I wasn't even trying to charm them. I wondered if I had the same effect on Bella — if a simple smile was all it took to make her thoughts go blurry. How disappointing that I would never know.

"That's fine–I'm not hungry," Bella shrugged.

I didn't like that. Her body had had a shock and she needed food if she hoped to avoid passing out. I leaned in and softly, but authoritatively, said, "I think you should eat something." My gaze shifted to the wide-eyed face of Jessica. "Do you mind if I drive Bella home tonight? That way you won't have to wait while she eats."

_Did he just talk to me again?_ "Uh, no problem, I guess…" _Is that what Bella wants? I mean, she'd be an idiot not to want to be alone with Edward Cullen, but still._

I wondered the same thing. Did she want to be alone with me? I wanted to be alone with her so badly that my own desires were fast becoming all I could focus on. But then, from the corner of my eye, I saw Bella wink at her friend. It was all the assurance Jess needed, not to mention that it spoke volumes to me.

"Okay." The blunt reply came from Angela. "See you tomorrow, Bella…Edward." Come on. They obviously want to be alone.

Angela tugged on Jessica's arm, pulling her towards their car parked across the street. Once they were in the car, Jessica turned and waved to Bella, who waved back with a smile. I could hear their thoughts as they drove away.

_EDWARD CULLEN!_

Oh wow! How did she pull that off?

He's so hot.

Wouldn't you just die?

The last thought made me catch my breath.

But I couldn't think on it long, for Bella had turned her glorious eyes on me once more. "Honestly, I'm not hungry,"

"Humor me."

She wasn't getting out of having dinner. I knew more about human physiology than she did, and I was well aware that she needed to eat. Her pale color, her racing heart — there was even a slight change to her scent. She was low on sugar, and I wouldn't be doing my job as her protector if I didn't get her eating soon.

I held the door to the restaurant open for her and waited, as a gentleman should, until she had brushed past me. The place wasn't crowded, but then it was off-season in Port Angeles. What mortal in their right mind would chose to visit Washington State in March, when it was sure to be rainy and cold? The hostess approached us with a smile and I informed her that we needed a table for two.

_Whoa. How cute is he?_

Two, huh? He can't be with her. They aren't holding hands. It can't be too serious. I'm going to seat them right in the center so I can keep an eye on him. Maybe I can slip him my number.

She led us to the table, all the while imagining how easy it would be to lure me away from Bella. How very wrong she was.

"Perhaps something more private?" Casually I slipped the girl a twenty. I didn't want distractions tonight. There had been too many all ready.

"Sure," she replied willingly. I'd never known a human to turn down money for anything. They were all exceptionally greedy, whether they were willing to admit it or not.

"How's this?" the girl asked.

"Perfect." I offered her a smile as payment this time. Or maybe it was a warning. Her eyes flickered to my teeth, just as I knew they would.

"Um," she stuttered, clearly getting the warning. "Your server will be right out."

Finally, I was alone with Bella.

"You really shouldn't do that to people," she scolded. "It's hardly fair."

I hadn't the foggiest idea what she was talking about. Was it the money? "Do what?"

"Dazzle them like that–she's probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now."

Dazzle? What did she mean by _dazzle_? 

"Oh, come on," I snickered. "You _have_ to know the effect you have on people."

Was she admitting to me what I thought she was admitting? I looked at her curiously. "I dazzle people?"

Her eyebrows shot up. "You haven't noticed? Do you think everybody gets their way so easily?"

But I didn't hear her question. I could only wonder if by 'everyone' she meant herself. Did I have that effect on her? Not hearing her mind, I resorted to asking flat out. "Do I dazzle _you_?"

"Frequently." 

My mind spun at her admission. So I did have some ability to charm her. I was immensely pleased to have this knowledge and would set about to put it to good use.

And then we were interrupted; again by another mindless girl with high hopes of stealing my attention away from Bella. Not a chance, not now that I knew how I affected her.

"Hello. My name is Amber, and I'll be your server tonight. What can I get you to drink?" _Oh yeah. Kellie was right. WAY hot, this one. On fire!!_

I was tempted to reach out and touch her, just to prove how wrong she was, but my eyes wouldn't leave Bella's face.

"I'll have a coke." Bella said, sounding unsure.

"Two cokes," I replied.

"I'll be right back with that." And she was gone. I wanted to tell her to take her time, but I could see that Bella needed nourishment. Her skin was paler than usual. Her eyes were not as focused and determined as they normally were.

"What?" she demanded

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Typical Bella.

"You don't feel dizzy, sick, cold…?"

"Should I?"

I laughed at her imprudence. "Well, I'm actually waiting for you to go into shock."

"I don't think that will happen," she said, after taking a moment to stare at me openly. "I've always been very good at repressing unpleasant things."

I was sure of that, given how she was able to look me in the eyes and not tremble in fear. "Just the same," I said. "I'll feel better when you have some sugar and food in you."

As if she had been summoned, the waitress returned with the drinks and a basket of breadsticks. For some curious reason, Bella looked up at her shyly, a faint blush rising to her pale cheeks.

"Are you ready to order?" the waitress asked.

"Bella?" I signaled, drawing her attention to the menu.

"Um…I'll have the mushroom ravioli." She ordered quickly, not even really reading over the various items the restaurant offered.

The waitress turned to me now. "And you?"

"Nothing for me." My eyes never left Bella's face.

"Let me know if you change your mind." 

Again we were left to ourselves. I immediately set out to get some nourishment in Bella's system.

"Drink," I said pointedly.

I'd never before paid much attention to a human when they ate or drank. It always seemed a bit disturbing how some of them ate without manners. The churning of the gastric fluids in the stomach was never appealing to someone with sensitive hearing, either. And yet, my eyes were drawn to the way the straw danced along the slit of Bella's mouth — the moisture that was left behind on her full lips - the gentle bob of her throat as she swallowed.

She finished off her drink and I gladly pushed mine forward for her to take as well.

"Thanks," she muttered, sipping slowly. 

And then she shivered. Her skin broke out in gooseflesh, drawing my attention to the contours of her body. The chill affected her body naturally, as it would any common mortal woman, and for the first time I was visibly aware of just how feminine she was.

"Are you cold?" I was beginning to sound like a doctor.

"It's just the coke." She tried to brush it off, but I saw that she was still shivering.

"Don't you have a jacket?" Given the temperature of the area, it was only logical for her to have one.

"Yes." She started to reach for something next to her, but she stilled, frowning. "Oh–I left it in Jessica's car."

Before I could reason with myself for doing it, my leather jacket came off in two simple movements. It wouldn't do for her to catch a cold, but I wondered about the sanity of having her scent imprinted on my clothing. If I ever wore the jacket again, the lingering fragrance would surely drive me wild.

I passed the jacket over to her, noticing how her eyes skimmed over my frame. Did she like what she saw? Or was I too foreign — too alien for her uncorrupted mind?

"Thanks," she muttered, sliding her arms into the jacket. She shivered again, and I mentally kicked myself when I realized that any normal human would have passed on their body heat to a jacket. I, however, only passed on my unnatural coolness. Yet Bella didn't seem to mind. Instead, she wrapped it around her and inhaled the leathery scent. Humans generally enjoyed the smell of leather, and it was a strong enough smell to mask my own unusual scent.

The fabric of her blouse brushed against her curves, drawing my eyes once more to her form. She was wholly intoxicating.

"That color blue looks lovely with your skin," I praised as an excuse for why my eyes were lingering longer than was acceptable.

She blushed under my scrutiny and I was again reminded of how white she looked. Bella was always pale, but this evening she was paler than usual. Wanting her to eat, I pushed the breadsticks forward on the table.

She didn't want them. "Really, I'm not going into shock."

"You should be–a _normal_ person would be. You don't even look shaken." Any other human would be crying or scared out of her mind by what had happened. But not my Bella.

"I feel very safe with you." Her confession was soft, but I felt it all the way though to my cold heart.

But it wasn't supposed to be like this. As much as I wanted her to feel safe, she shouldn't. She should run away from me now and never look back. Yet, I knew that if she did, I would only chase after her until she was mine again.

"This is more complicated than I'd planned." I was sure that the inner turmoil I felt was evident in my voice.

More casually than I would have liked to see in her, she chose a breadstick from the basket and began nibbling on the end. My eyes were glued to her mouth and the tongue that slipped out every now and then to wet her ample lips. I noticed that the skin on her palm was scrapped and wondered when the injury occurred.

"Usually you're in a better mood when your eyes are so light." The sound of her voice startled me. Without the benefit of her thoughts, I never knew exactly when she would speak. I would have to pay better attention from now on.

"What?" I honestly wasn't sure I had heard her correctly.

"You're always crabbier when your eyes are black–I expect it then. I have a theory about that."

So she's back to figuring me out. I expected that, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear what her conclusions were. "More theories?"

"Mm-hm."

She had no idea how beautiful she was, just sitting there munching on her bread. I could watch her for hours. I leaned towards her, to inhale her fragrance. 

My mind wandered back to the topic of conversation. "I hope you were more creative this time…or are you still stealing from comic books?" I was waiting for some reference to the X-men, as if some mad scientist could have created me.

Her body shifted forward, closing the space between us by a fraction of an inch. "Well, no, I didn't get it from a comic book, but I didn't come up with it on my own, either."

She was holding back something — and it drove me wild. "And?"

Before she could answer, the mindless waitress again interrupted us. At least this time she had food for Bella, so I didn't mind too terribly. 

"Did you change your mind?" the girl asked me once Bella's dish had been delivered. "Isn't there anything I can get you?"

_Coffee… tea… me? I would go with you gladly!_

Idiot girl. Couldn't she see I had no interest in her? "No, thank you," I said curtly, waving my hand at the two empty glasses on the table, "but some more soda would be nice."

"Sure." Off she went again, taking her lusty and rude thoughts with her.

"You were saying?" I pressed.

"I'll tell you about it in the car. If…"

"There are conditions?" I was surprised, to say the least.

"I do have a few questions, of course."

"Of course."

For what I hoped would be the last time, the silly waitress dropped off the drinks and walked away, thankfully not uttering a word.

Bella sipped her drink slowly, taking her time and drawing out the moment.

"Well, go ahead." I was generally a patient being, but not when it came to Bella Swan's personal thoughts.

"Why are you in Port Angeles?" she started.

I didn't think she would take too kindly to the fact that I followed her. Folding my hands together, I smiled at her and said, "Next."

"But that's the easiest one," she gasped.

"Next."

She looked down at her plate of ravioli with a frown. I didn't think her expression had anything to do with the food, for in another moment she was chewing a hearty bite. The discontent was still visible on her face as she mulled over what to say next. Now would be the most opportune time for me to hear her mind, but that wasn't to be.

After a sip of soda, she looked up at me with hard eyes. I could tell that whatever was coming next would be a whopper of a question. "Okay then. Let's say, hypothetically of course, that…someone…could know what people are thinking, read minds, you know–with a few exceptions."

She got it. Almost. "Just one exception," I corrected, "hypothetically."

"All right, with one exception, then." She blushed again, and I couldn't tell if it was from fear or from excitement. "How does that work? What are the limitations? How would…that someone…find someone else at exactly the right time? How would he know she was in trouble?"

Impressive. She was good. "Hypothetically?"

"Sure."

"Well, if…that someone…"

"Let's call him 'Joe.'"

I wanted to laugh, but held back. "Joe, then. If Joe had been paying attention, the timing wouldn't have needed to be quite so exact." I couldn't believe the honesty I was permitting her. Only Bella could bring this out in me. Only Bella would see what others refused to see. "Only _you_ could get into trouble in a town this small. You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade, you know."

"We were speaking of a hypothetical case." Her tone was cold, but I found it humorous.

"Yes, we were," I laughed at the pretense. "Shall we call you 'Jane'?"

"How did you know?" Her curiosity was thoroughly piqued and she leaned in to hear the whole story.

Problem was, I didn't know if I wanted to tell her the whole story. It wasn't allowed. It wasn't done. No mortal had ever kept our secrets. To tell her, to let her into my world, would be a breach of etiquette I wasn't certain I could explain to my family. She knew too much as it was.

"You can trust me, you know," she assured, as if she could hear the inner workings of my mind. Her bruised hand slid forward towards mine in an intimate and friendly human gesture of comfort.

I couldn't. It was hard enough feeling her warmth, even from this distance, even though everything about her was drawing me in. Her scent. Her eyes. I was lost.

"I don't know if I have a choice anymore," I lamented softly. "I was wrong–you're much more observant than I gave you credit for."

"I thought you were always right."

"I used to be." I shook my head in defeat. "I was wrong about you on one other thing, as well. You're not a magnet for accidents–that's not a broad enough classification. You are a magnet for _trouble_. If there is anything dangerous within a ten-mile radius, it will invariably find you."

"And you put yourself into that category?"

I gazed at her, stone-faced. "Unequivocally." 

Her hand slid forward once again, and this time I let her touch me. Even though it was just her fingertips brushing lightly against the back of my hand, the heat only enforced the fact that I was probably the most dangerous thing she'd come in contact with since she moved to Forks.

"Thank you." From the tone of her voice I could tell that she meant it. "That's twice, now."

The tension I was holding within my body seemed to fade under the warmth of her touch. "Let's not try for three, agreed?"

She made a face at me again, one of those puzzling angry faces that I found so endearing. She did trust me, though I couldn't fathom why. Given how much she'd already figured out, I reasoned with myself that I should let her have the truth of how I found her. After all, some humans claimed to be mind readers. Maybe she wouldn't find my gift too repulsive.

I pulled my hand away from hers and placed it under the table where she wouldn't be able to reach. If I was going to expose the truth, I would need to be able to concentrate, and I wasn't certain as to how well my mind would focus if she continued her gentle stroking.

"I followed you to Port Angeles," I started, the words falling from my mouth very quickly. "I've never tried to keep a specific person alive before and it's much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that's probably just because it's you. Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes." 

She smiled at me and my concentration was lost.

And then she spoke. "Did you ever think that maybe my number was up the first time, with the van, and that you've been interfering with fate?"

"That wasn't the first time," I grumbled at her. Oh no, her life has been in jeopardy ever since I first caught her scent. "Your number was up the first time I met you."

I couldn't look at her. I was too afraid of her reaction to my admission. And then I had to look at her. I had to know what she was thinking, if she knew what I was referring to at all.

From the paleness of her face, I could tell that she did.

"You remember?"

"Yes," she answered calmly.

"And yet here you sit." I was still amazed that I managed to behave myself as much as I had.

"Yes, here I sit…because of you. Because somehow you knew how to find me today…?"

She wanted more information, that much was clear. Just admitting that I had followed her wasn't enough. She wanted details. Part of me wanted to tell her so that she would run away from me as any normal human should. And yet part of me feared it as well. Something inside my cold, stone heart told me that she wouldn't run.

"You eat, I'll talk," I offered, noticing that she hadn't touched her food in a while.

She did as I asked and scooped up another forkful of ravioli.

"It's harder than it should be–keeping track of you. Usually I can find someone very easily, once I've heard their mind before."

She stopped eating - stopped chewing. I wasn't positive if she was surprised that I had actually confessed my abilities or if she was genuinely worried. When she popped another bite into her mouth, I continued with my explanation  
.   
"I was keeping tabs on Jessica, not carefully–like I said, only you could find trouble in Port Angeles–and at first I didn't notice when you took off on your own. Then, when I realized that you weren't with her anymore, I went looking for you at the bookstore I saw in her head. I could tell that you hadn't gone in, and that you'd gone south…and I knew you would have to turn around soon. So I was just waiting for you, randomly searching through the thoughts of people on the street–to see if anyone had noticed you so I would know where you were. I had no reason to be worried…but I was strangely anxious…"

I worried for a moment if I was giving too much away. At our last agreement, we were only friends. And yet my obsession with her certainly crossed the line of mere friendship.

"I started to drive in circles, still…listening. The sun was finally setting, and I was about to get out, and follow you on foot. And then–"

The fury I felt roared back into life as I remembered the vicious thoughts of Bella's would-be attackers. I could not let her see that rage. I forced myself to act calm.

"Then what?" she encouraged, her voice a whisper.

"I heard what they were thinking," I growled, and the monster within me sneered. "I saw your face in his mind." 

The image of Bella — innocent and beautiful — being handled by the man. His sweat dripping on her as he violated her body. The joy and triumph he felt from simply considering what he could do to her.

All my instincts told me to rush back out into the streets and find the men from earlier and kill them. Wanting to hide the anger and aggression I was feeling, I covered my eyes with my hand, stopping Bella from seeing the monster within me.

"It was very…hard–you can't imagine how hard–for me to simply take you away, and leave them…alive," I still wanted to kill them. "I could have let you go with Jessica and Angela, but I was afraid if you left me alone, I would go looking for them." If ever I ran into one of them again, I knew I wouldn't hesitate to make them suffer.

Bella didn't make a sound. We sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity — me in my rage, she in her confusion. It didn't take a mind reader to know that what I had told her left her feeling confused.

After a good long while, I sought out her face, hoping to find the answers to my questions about her emotions. All I could tell was that she had lost her appetite.

"Are you ready to go home?" I asked, feeling guilty for having ruined her dinner.

"I'm ready to leave," she replied, and I didn't miss the fact that she said _leave_ rather than _go home_. She still had questions, and she wasn't going to let me off as easily as I hoped.

Showing the first sign of good customer service, the waitress appeared and asked, "How are we doing?" 

"We're ready for the check, thank you." When she didn't move to fetch the bill, I looked up at her, my eyes a bit fiercer than she deserved.

"Sure," she stuttered. "Here you go."

She passed me the slip of paper from her apron front and I handed her back a fifty.

"No change." I stood up from the table with Bella rushing to join me.

"You have a nice evening," the girl said politely.

Oh, I intended to. 

We left the restaurant side by side, and I wondered briefly if I was behaving in the proper manner for a first date, if this could even be considered a date at all. This was more like an unexpected pleasure. If I were human, I would offer her my arm as an escort. Or was that too formal for boys and girls these days? What was it that Bella expected? Would she jump if I touched her? Would I be able to control my inhuman urges if I touched her?

My mother — my human mother — had always taught me to treat a girl like a lady. Be polite. Be a gentleman. Open the door for her and let her go in first. Seeing as how we were already outside, Bella would have to settle for an open car door.

She climbed in the passenger side and I gently closed it once she was settled. I took my place behind the wheel, starting the car and adjusting the heat to a more comfortable temperature for my human companion.

Once we were on the road and heading back to Forks, I said, "Now. It's your turn."


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

"Can I ask just one more?" she begged.

I wanted more than anything to hear this new theory of hers, but she clearly had too many questions still to give up the floor just yet.

"One," I granted, wondering if I was pressing my luck.

"Well…you said you knew I hadn't gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south. I was just wondering how you knew that."

Damn. I glanced out the window, not wanting her to see my agitation. Why did she have to remember that? Couldn't she just accept that I saved her and leave well enough alone?

"I thought we were past all the evasiveness," she mocked.

She had thrown down the gauntlet and challenged me. She wanted the truth; that much was certain. Yet how would she react to the truth once she had it?

"Fine, then. I followed your scent." Let her take that information and chew on it for a while. I purposefully said your scent, not her perfume, not her shampoo. Her. Bella.

She faltered for a moment. "And then you didn't answer one of my first questions…"

I looked over at her with a frown. As far as I was aware, I had answered every one of her questions. "Which one?"

"How does it work–the mind reading thing? Can you read anybody's mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family…?"

"That's more than one," I interjected.

Bella folded her hands in her lap and waited for my reply. Her unyielding persistence was remarkable.

"No, it's just me. And I can't hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone's…'voice' is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles." There had to be an easier way to explain it. "It's a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's just a hum–a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they're thinking is clear. 

"Most of the time I tune it all out–it can be very distracting. And then it's easier to seem normal," as if I'm ever normal, "when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than their words."

"Why do you think you can't hear me?"

I'd asked myself that same question over a million times, and I still had no good answer for it. I looked over at her, focusing on the void her mind presented, and offered the best explanation I had come up with.

"I don't know," I admitted softly. "The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM." The comical suggestion made me smile.

"My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?" From the way she spit out the word _freak_, I could tell that my assumption hadn't pleased her.

"I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that _you're,_ the freak?" Now that was truly funny. "Don't worry, it's just a theory…" Speaking of theories, Bella still hadn't told me hers. "Which brings us back to you," I prompted.

She sighed deeply, filling the car with the scent of her sweet breath.

"Aren't we past all the evasions now?" I used her own words against her, hoping to draw her out of whatever shyness kept her from telling me her ideas.

Rather suddenly she shouted, "Holy crow! Slow down!"

"What's wrong?" 

"You're going a hundred miles an hour!" Her eyes went wide as she frantically glanced out the window to take in the surrounding images burring by. It was one of the first times Bella had ever behaved like a truly normal human, and yet I found it slightly annoying. As if I would crash the car and hurt her in any way.

"Relax, Bella."

"Are you trying to kill us?" she screeched.

"We're not going to crash."

Her voice was softer this time. "Why are you in such a hurry?"

"I always drive like this," I bragged, turning to look at her with a smile.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" This time, she didn't even try to mask her fear.

How typical that the one time I want Bella to take my life style in stride is the one time she literally freaks out. "I've never been in an accident, Bella–I've never even gotten a ticket." I tapped my forehead as a reminder of my abilities. "Built in radar detector."

"Very funny." Her blood was boiling beneath her delicate skin. "Charlie's a cop, remember? I was raised to abide by traffic laws. Besides, if you turn us into a Volvo pretzel around a tree trunk, you can probably just walk away."

"Probably," I agreed with a laugh. "But you can't." This was one time I would have to give in to her request. I didn't want her to worry about being injured, and if she remained in such a fury, her pulse would only race and tempt me more than I could withstand. Reluctantly, I let off the gas and let the friction of the road on the wheels slow the car down. "Happy?" 

"Almost."

"I hate driving slow," I muttered under my breath.

"This is slow?"

"Enough commentary on my driving," I frowned. "I'm still waiting for your latest  
theory."

She was quiet. Her teeth grazed her lips in the most tantalizing way. It was torture to not be able to hear the thoughts spiraling around in her mind.

"I won't laugh," I promised.

"I'm more afraid that you'll be angry with me."

Really? "Is it that bad?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

She must have moved off of superheroes then if she thought it was bad. Maybe she had taken my suggestion and was now picturing me as the villain in the story. Still, whatever her mind had concocted couldn't be as frightful as the monster of my reality.

"Go ahead," I prodded gently.

"I don't know how to start," she breathed.

"Why don't you start at the beginning…you said you didn't come up with this on your own."

"No."

"What got you started–a book? A movie?" There were too many evils on television these days. 

"No–it was Saturday, at the beach."

I frowned in confusion. What evil ideas could she have come up with on the beach out in the sun having fun with her classmates?

"I ran into an old family friend–Jacob Black. His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was a baby."

Jacob Black. She said the name as if I was supposed to recognize it, and yet I didn't. It was only vaguely familiar.

"His dad is one of the Quileute elders."

I stilled upon hearing the word. She knew. She had to know.

"We went for a walk and he was telling me some old legends–trying to scare me, I think. He told me one…" She faltered.

"Go on," I said, even though I knew what was coming next.

"About vampires."

Hearing that word fall from her innocent lips was painful, and I gripped the steering wheel hard to resist the howl of rage building up inside of me. She wasn't supposed to know. I hated myself more now that she had the truth.

"And you immediately thought of me?" Somehow, I maintained a steady voice.

"No. He…mentioned your family." 

So that was it then. I had wondered how the Quileutes were handling the fact that Carlisle had returned to this place, bringing with him more of our kind than before. Our people didn't get along well with theirs, but the treaty was in place and as long as everyone kept to the terms, no harm would be done to either side. Still, I had to wonder.

And now I had proof. They knew we were here. More than that, they were warning Bella against us. She hadn't confessed to any warning, but how could they not at least try to convince her to stay away from us? To stay away from me. In a way, Jacob Black had just broken the treaty.

"He just thought it was a silly superstition," she added in a rush. "He didn't expect me to think anything of it." She paused a moment before saying, "It was my fault, I forced him to tell me."

"Why?"

"Lauren said something about you–she was trying to provoke me. And an older boy from the tribe said your family didn't come to the reservation, only it sounded like he meant something different. So I got Jacob alone and I tricked it out of him."

Tricked him? Tricked him! For some reason, the idea of Bella being able to trick a member of that tribe seemed rather humorous and I let out a laugh.

"Tricked him how?" I had to know.

"I tried to flirt–it worked better than I thought it would." She blushed in embarrassment. 

"I'd like to have seen that." Being witness to Bella flirting shamelessly with a boy too young for her would have been great entertainment. After all, I knew very well how persuasive her flirtations could be. "And you accused me of dazzling people–poor Jacob Black."

She blushed deeper and glanced out the window. My eyes skimmed down the stark whiteness of her neck to her pulse point to confirm the rapid, nervous beating of her heart. I took a deep breath and let her scent fill the ache within me. A feeble attempt to satiate my shallow thirst.

"What did you do then?"

"I did some research on the Internet."

"And did that convince you?" I'd seen it all by now. I myself had used the Internet to do research on my kind. More accurately, my family used it to make sure we were covering our tracks every time we moved locations or forged documents. The Internet was a remarkable and most valuable invention for my family.

Bella answered my question with a shake of her head. "No. Nothing fit. Most of it was kind of silly. And then…"

"What?" I hated it when she stopped mid-thought, especially when she was on the verge of confessing to me how much she knew about my hellish existence.

"I decided it didn't matter," she whispered.

"It didn't _matter_?" I was astonished by the very suggestion, and my voice reflected that. 

"No," she murmured softly. "It doesn't matter to me what you are."

It was unfathomable. How could this not matter to her when it mattered so very much to me? "You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not _human_?" 

"No."

Was she insane? Had she lost all rational thought? She had just discovered that the creature sitting next to her in Biology…the very thing driving too fast down with her as a captive passenger… was an inhuman monster — and she didn't care? She should have run away from me screaming in fright, and yet, here she sat, calm and beautiful. Did she have any idea how her actions resembled a lamb going willingly to the slaughter?

"You're angry," she groaned. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No." I wasn't angry — I was dumbfounded. "I'd rather know what you're thinking–even if what you're thinking is insane."

"So I'm wrong again?" she questioned.

I wish I could tell her that yes, she was very wrong. But I couldn't. "That's not what I was referring to. 'It doesn't matter'!" I said through my teeth.

She gaped at me. "I'm right?"

HA! Caught! "Does it _matter_?"

She inhaled sharply. "Not really." After a paused she added, "But I am curious."

Should I remind her that curiosity killed the cat? "What are you curious about?"

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen," I responded instinctively from years of practice.

"And how long have you been seventeen?"

I very nearly smiled. "A while." I didn't think she was ready to learn that the creature rapidly falling in love with her was over one hundred years old. One shock at a time.

"Okay."

She slurred the word slowly, as if thinking over my answer. My eyes rested on her flawless, pale skin, noting the heated blush on her cheeks. Her heart was still racing as she processed the information she had just been given. I wondered which organ was getting more of a workout from our conversation — her heart or her brain?

She smiled up at me, bright and content, looking pleased that she had been right about her speculations. I would rather she scream in terror and beg me to never come near her again. It would be a much more intelligent reaction than encouraging me on.

"Don't laugh," she started, "but how can you come out during the daytime?"

I couldn't help but laugh. Hollywood strikes again. "Myth."

"Burned by the sun?"

"Myth."

"Sleeping in coffins?"

"Myth." Where did horror writers ever get the idea that vampires could sleep, let alone that we would chose to sleep in something as uncomfortable as a coffin? "I can't sleep." 

Bella did a double take upon hearing my words. "At all?"

"Never," If I could, I wouldn't be as bored with this existence. The days wouldn't run together as freely as they do. That was, at least until I met Bella. My days had been anything but boring since she moved to Forks. And even then, if I could sleep - if I could dream - my dreams would be filled with her and only her. 

I glanced over at the object of my obsession, allowing my eyes to meet hers and try to communicate to her a small portion of the internal struggle I felt having her beside me. I breathed in her maddening scent, wondering why she hadn't asked the most obvious question of all.

"You haven't asked me the most important question yet." I broached the topic that I was sure would take her from me, for what human could ever stand to be around a monster who fed off of blood?

She looked puzzled. "Which one is that?" 

Was she putting me on? "You aren't concerned about my diet?"

"Oh, that." It was so casual I didn't quite know how to interpret it.

"Yes, that." If I were human, this would be my first question. "Don't you want to know if I drink blood?"

She shifted in her seat. "Well, Jacob said something about that."

"What did Jacob say?" I was curious to hear how the elder members of his tribe had described my family to their offspring.

"He said you didn't…hunt people. He said your family wasn't supposed to be dangerous because you only hunted animals."

"He said we weren't dangerous?" I didn't believe that for one second.

"Not exactly. He said you weren't _supposed_ to be dangerous. But the Quileutes still didn't want you on their land, just in case."

It was the truth. The Quileutes were a proud and honorable people rich in tradition. They had passed on the stories of my family honestly, and now Bella had that knowledge. 

"So, was he right? About not hunting people?" Her voice was amazingly smooth and calm considering the topic.

"The Quileutes have a long memory," I confirmed. Bella seemed pleased that I had admitted the truth to her — too pleased.

"Don't let that make you complacent, though," I cautioned, wanting to make it clear to her that being with me was not as safe as she presumed. "They're right to keep their distance from us. We are still dangerous."

"I don't understand."

"We try," I stated. "We're usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you."

"This is a mistake?" She sounded sad, almost disappointed.

"A very dangerous one," I growled.

Would I ever be able to convince her how dangerous I really was? Did I want her to believe me? She needed to understand, especially now that she knew what I was capable of and what kind of beast I really was. And yet, I reveled in her acceptance of me. As much as it bothered me that she wasn't thus far repulsed by what I was, it made me even more anxious for the day when she _would_ realize exactly what I had been trying to explain to her all this time — that I was a monster, not worthy of her goodness and innocence.

And then what would happen? She would leave, of course. And I would be alone again. I feared that day more than anything I'd ever feared before.

"Tell me more," she urged gently. Her simple curiosity amazed me.

I looked at her, wondering if by answering her questions I would end up frightening her enough that she would run away as she should. Yet I found myself saying, "What more do you want to know?"

"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people." She sounded like a student in a lecture hall taking notes for a random, upcoming assignment.

"I don't _want_ to be a monster." I wanted to be human so badly in that moment.

"But animals aren't enough?"

She really had no idea? I knew Bella had an extraordinary ability to smell human blood, so I assumed she could smell all types of blood. I found it interesting that she had never picked up on the fact that animal blood was much less potent and fragrant than that of human blood.

I explained it to her the best I could. "I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger–or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time." I learned that lesson well the first time I breathed in Bella's scent. "Sometimes it's more difficult than others."

"Is it very difficult for you now?" she inquired.

I had been so honest with her that I had to say, "Yes."

"But you're not hungry now," she stated matter-of-factly.

I was. I would always be thirsty around Bella. Her scent was too tempting to deny. But I had to know why she believed otherwise. "Why do you think that?"

"Your eyes. I told you I had a theory. I've noticed that people–men in particular–are crabbier when they're hungry."

I found her insight comical. "You are observant, aren't you?"

She didn't answer me, only merely tilted her head at me and smiled. I laughed again. She certainly was amazing.

"Were you hunting this weekend, with Emmett?" she asked after a moment, as if I were off on some typical sort of camp out rather than cutting into grizzly bears with my own teeth.

"Yes." There was so much to tell her, but I had to be careful with my words. I walked a fine line between wanting her to run and wanting her to stay. Selfishness made me phrase my words so that I wouldn't scare her too much. "I didn't want to leave, but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty."

"Why didn't you want to leave?"

"It makes me…anxious…to be away from you." I could hear Emmett in my head, laughing at the poor description of my behavior. Anxious wasn't the right word. Paranoid was closer to the truth. "I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you. And after what happened tonight, I'm surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed." I quickly glanced at her hands and corrected myself. "Well, not totally unscathed."

"What?"

"Your hands," I said, nodding in her direction.

She looked down at the scrapes on her palms. "I fell."

"That's what I thought." Did she have an inner ear problem that made her body off balance? "I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse–and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett's nerves." I could hear my brother's voice in my head, mocking me for my infatuation with the beautiful human currently sitting next to me.

"Three days? Didn't you just get back today?"

"No, we got back Sunday."

"Then why weren't any of you in school?" There was an edge to her voice, and from the slit of her eyes I could tell she was angry. How curious.

"Well, you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn't. But I can't go out in the sunlight, at least, not where anyone can see." Not if I wanted to maintain any level of ambiguity.

"Why?"

"I'll show you sometime," I promised before I had time to really consider what I was offering.

She frowned, lost in thought. Was she trying to imagine what would happen to me in the sunlight? Was she picturing my skin blistering and puckering under the ultraviolet rays of the sun? 

"You might have called me," she said, surprising me.

"But I knew you were safe." What would be the point in calling her and making it known how obsessed I was with her safety?

"But _I_ didn't know where _you were_. I–" Her eyes fell.

She did it again. Stopped mid-thought. I would have to break her of that habit. "What?"

"I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too." She blushed deeply.

A warm, tingling sensation passed through my stone cold heart. She had been thinking of me — being away from me was troubling to her. This was what I wanted from her. And yet, I knew I couldn't have it. It wasn't natural for a beast such as I to be loved by someone as beautiful as her. She deserved warmth. She deserved light. She deserved so much more than I could ever give her. 

"Ah," I moaned in grief. "This is wrong."

Her brows furrowed. "What did I say?"

"Don't you see, Bella? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved." It was impossible to give her up, and yet I would have to — for her own safety. "I don't want to hear that you feel that way." It was the truth and a lie at the same time, but I had to say it, no matter how much it might hurt her. No matter how much it hurt me. "It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella–please, grasp that."

"No." The worry on her face changed to anger and her lip jutted out in a pout.

"I'm serious."

"So am I. I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late."

"Never say that," I bit out at her more forcefully than I intended. Although it was too late for me to ever be free from her, it wasn't too late for her to turn away from me and lead a normal life. I would always be haunted by her scent — her beauty. But she could grow to forget me in time.

I didn't want her to forget me.

She was quiet beside me, staring blankly out at the road in front of us. Her mind was still a void, but at least I now had the freedom to ask her what was going on in that mind of hers. "What are you thinking?"

She shook her head in silent reply. I glanced over at her, stunned to see moisture forming around her eyes, threatening to fall down and stain the soft skin of her cheeks "Are you crying?"

It sickened me that I caused her to cry. Fear I could handle. I was prepared for her fear. I wasn't prepared for her tears.

"No," she croaked.

A drop fell from her eyes and slowly slid down her face. I was drawn to it, wanting to taste it. It would be salty and moist and filled with her essence. I reached out towards her, telling myself that it was just one drop, and it wasn't even blood. I would love to taste her blood. And then I jerked away, pulling my hand back and clutching the wheel tightly. 

"I'm sorry." I apologized for being the monster that I was — for craving the very thing that made her mortality so priceless. I had upset her, yes, but my thirst for her blood made it difficult for me to even offer her comfort at this moment. I'd never felt more like a monster than I did in that moment.

Well, except for when I contemplated taking her life and the lives of everyone in the classroom her first day of school.

Or maybe even a few hours ago when I very nearly killed the men who tired to harm her.

Suddenly, I remembered something from that moment that made me very curious. "Tell me something," I started, trying to lighten the mood between us.

"Yes?"

"What were you thinking tonight, just before I came around the corner? I couldn't understand your expression–you didn't look that scared, you looked like you were concentrating very hard on something."

"I was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker–you know, self defense. I was going to smash his nose into his brain."

She never failed to surprise me. "You were going to fight them?" It angered me that she would even attempt such a feat. "Didn't you think about running?"

"I fall down a lot when I run."

True. But there were other things she could do. "What about screaming for help?"

"I was getting to that part."

This was pointless. There was no way I would ever manage to keep her safe if she thought she could fight off four violent and dirty-minded men at once — let alone a blood-thirsty vampire. "You were right–I'm definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive."

As we entered the Forks city limits, she asked, "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Yes–I have a paper due, too." _Macbeth_. One of my favorites. What wasn't to like about a conniving thane who murdered everyone in his path just so he could be king? "I'll save you a seat at lunch." I didn't bother with asking her to join me, for I knew she would.

I rounded the corner and stopped in front of her house, which seemed much smaller now given the circumstances.

She didn't move to get out of the car. I looked at her expectantly, waiting.

"Do you promise to be there tomorrow?" she demanded.

"I promise." How could I refuse her anything?

She pursed her lips and then nodded, apparently finding my answer satisfactory. She shrugged off my jacket, inhaling the leathery scent once more.

"You can keep it–you don't have a jacket for tomorrow." It wouldn't do for her to catch a cold, and Heaven knows I wouldn't get sick without it.

But she handed it over anyway. "I don't want to have to explain to Charlie."

"Oh, right." I almost forgot that she had someone to answer to. I wondered what she would tell him of this evening's events. Not that I was worried she would spill my secret, for I trusted her implicitly on that matter. I just wondered if she would mention me at all.

Some movement in the tree beyond her house caught my attention.

"Bella?" I said, cautiously.

"Yes?" Her face was hopeful, almost as if she were expecting me to do or say something specific. If I could have heard her mind, I would have done whatever it was if it meant making her happy.

Instead, I said, "Will you promise me something?"

"Yes," but there was hesitancy in her voice.

"Don't go into the woods alone."

She blinked in confusion. "Why?"

Again the trees moved.

"I'm not always the most dangerous thing out there. Let's leave it at that."

I heard her heart thump nervously in her chest at my warning. "Whatever you say."

"I'll see you tomorrow," I sighed in regret. I didn't want her to leave, but her father would soon grow suspicious.

"Tomorrow, then." She opened the door unwillingly.

The lessons of my mortal mother returned again. Always be a gentleman, Edward. "Bella?" I called to her, leaning in close and inhaling her sweet smell.

"Sleep well," I breathed, and her eyes clouded over in a fog. Is that what she meant when she said I dazzled her? I liked it. I hoped to see that look more often, even if it was wrong of me to do so.

I pulled away from her and let her exit the car. She stumbled slightly and grabbed the door to stop from falling. Oh yes, she was dazzled. I didn't know whether to pat myself on the back or burn myself at the stake for letting her feel that way. But I laughed in spite of my worry.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

_What's with Edward Cullen and Bella?_

No way is he really going out with her.

I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it.

She is, like, SOOOO lucky!

Every thought from every person we passed on our way to our seats in the classroom seemed to echo the same incredulity that Bella and I were more than friends. I wondered momentarily if they were surprised by the fact that Bella had been able to get one of the usually standoffish Cullens to actually open up to her, or, just as Bella expressed earlier, that they were more amazed that out of every girl in the school, I chose to pay attention to Bella? It couldn't be the latter. Every other male in the school had his eye on winning her. Why should I be any different?

I would win her. And I would do it in the most gentle and non- frightening way I knew how.

We took our seats at our lab table, sitting unusually close to one another. Until now, every time I had the chance to sit at a table with Bella, we sat across from one another. That was all well and good as it provided me with the best view of her eyes, which I relied on heavily to understand her, as I didn't have the benefit of hearing her thoughts. But this time we sat side by side, our bodies very nearly touching. If I were to lean an inch to the side, my arm would brush against hers. It was thrilling to be that close, and terrifying at the same time.

Mr. Banner wheeled in a mammoth stand with an ancient TV and VCR placed on top, signaling to the class that today was movie day. It took all of two seconds for me to hear that he hadn't had time last night to prepare the lab for today, so he had taken the typical fix-it standard of picking out an instructional film for us to watch. He hadn't even typed up the usual worksheet of silly questions for us to answer to make sure we were following along.

Perfect. A whole hour with nothing to do but revel in the heat radiating off Bella's skin. My mind wandered off into dangerous territory.

And then the lights went out.

A charge surged though my body unlike anything I'd ever felt before. It was as if there were an electrical current flowing between Bella and me, pulsing and growing with intensity. I watched her from the corner of my eye and saw the familiar pink blush of her cheeks and the way her body unnaturally stiffened and became rigid next to mine. Was she feeling this as well? Was she experiencing the same thing I was?

Her eyes flashed up to mine, and from under the dark lashes I could see desire. I'd seen that look before from a handful of female vampires who felt I would make a good mate for them, but never in my entire existence had I reciprocated. Their eyes were always hungry and lustful, and yet Bella's were innocent and loving. It was such a new experience for me to be looked at in such a way that it took my breath away.

I wanted to touch her. I needed to touch her, to make sure this was real and that I wasn't imagining the angel sitting next to me. But I couldn't. I didn't dare. Not once this morning had she made an effort to touch me. Even though I walked next to her, even though she could have taken my hand at lunch if she had wanted to, she didn't. From the few times I had had the pleasure of touching her, she could probably remember how cold my skin was. Cold and hard, like stone. It probably revolted her and that was why she hadn't moved to reach out to me. I would resist reaching out to her.

I tucked my hands under my arms and held on to myself as tight as I could, my fists clenched together. With each surge of longing I felt — longing to touch her — I would press tighter against myself, willing my desire into submission for the moment.

My eyes drifted over to look down at Bella once more, and to my amazement, I found her body in a very similar position to mine. How interesting. Was she shying away from me? Was she trying to look casual about being so very close to me? Or was it — and I could hardly believe I dared to think such a thing — but was she having just as much difficulty keeping her hands to herself as I was?

I smiled down at her, hoping to ease some of the tension between us, only to be rewarded with another flush of her skin, a racing pulse, and eyes that instinctively shied away from mine. I didn't want her to look away, for it was in her eyes that I was only ever able to see some of the truth and meaning behind her actions and words. I depended on those eyes so much that it thrilled me every time she did chance a glance in my direction.

The movie droned on and on. I hadn't a clue what the topic was, for I only had eyes for Bella. It was as if we were lost in our own little electric world, where pulse after pulse of energy flowed between us as easily as the air flowed around us. That energy grew and grew and almost became unbearable. If I didn't stop this — if I didn't touch her soon-- I felt as if my dead heart would burst inside of my chest. And I knew, as the hour progressed, that Bella did feel it, too. How could she not?

Was this love? Was this the actual current of love manifesting itself in energy form? Bella had said that she cared for me more than I did for her. Even though I knew her to be wrong, the statement at least confirmed that she did care for me. She cared for me more than she was ready to admit to her friend. Did that mean she loved me?

My mind turned a somersault at the very idea.

Suddenly, and without warning, Mr. Banner flicked on the lights and the moment was lost. I had been so lost in Bella that I hadn't even registered Mr. Banner's and the other students' thoughts that the end of the class had arrived. In the bright, artificial glow of the room, whatever it was that passed between us vanished in an instant. 

Beside me, Bella stretched out her arms in front of her, wiggling life back into her fingers. Her face was still pink, but it was the heat from her eyes that spoke to the intensity of the experience. I could tell she was trying not to make a big deal out of what had transpired, which only made me laugh.

"Well, that was interesting," I marveled.

Her only response was a gentle hum.

"Shall we?" I asked, rising from my chair and motioning for us to head to our next class.

It seemed utterly ridiculous that we had to separate now, of all times. I wanted for the moment to continue. Would we be able to recreate that feeling ever again? Did she want to recreate it?

We walked in silence to her next class, which was gym. I turned to look down at her to bid her farewell, but I couldn't. I was at a loss for words. Remembering the enormity of the last hour, I gazed down at her with such longing. I wanted, more than anything, to scoop her up into my arms and to run away to some private and secluded area so that I wouldn't have to share her with anyone or be parted from her ever again. I knew she had no idea how completely devoted to her I was, and I didn't want to scare her with the magnitude of my love for her.

Feeling very daring, I slowly raised my hand to her face. Too much pressure and I could break her. But I couldn't resist touching for a moment longer. With careful precision, I lightly brushed the tips of my fingers along her cheekbone. Her skin was so warm, so soft. Completely and totally opposite from mine. I felt the heat of her face rise as her blood pulsed more rapidly and made her face blush.

I tried to ignore the way my own body responded to that heat, but it was impossible. I'd never felt like this — never had this response. It was in my nature to crave the heat and warmth of her blood, but it was a new sensation to crave the heat and warmth of her skin against mine. If I stayed here too much longer, I just might go with my instincts and carry her off to some faraway land never to return.

With tremendous effort, I pulled my hand away from her glorious face and forced my body to turn and walk away from her. Surely I deserved some sort of a reward for being able to keep my distance this long. I was in agony being separated from her, and that pain grew with each step I took that increased the distance between us. I wanted her next to me, beside me. I wanted her close where I could keep an eye on her, where I could touch her again if she would allow it. I wanted her in my life, at the center of my life. I wanted…her.

The next hour was torture, but I made it. I had a hard time separating my thoughts from the Spanish lesson I was sitting though. The class was working on the use of the word "would," which I had mastered decades ago, but was forced to play dumb in situations like this. Unfortunately, my mind wasn't cooperating.

"Querias tomar una bebida?" the teacher asked.

Would I like a drink? I nearly snorted out loud. Even worse was the repeated response that we as students were expected to echo in unison. "Si, me qustaria tomar una bebida." I rolled my eyes as I said the words.

"Eduardo," the teacher said suddenly. My eyes snapped to her face and I could hear the disappointment. _He thinks this is boring. I can tell from that annoying eye roll of his. I hate that from students._

"Estas irritado, Eduardo? Si no querias tomar una bebida, que querias?" 

Of course I was irritated! If she had any idea what I really wanted, she would run from the room screaming. But I had to answer her as a student, so I innocently replied, "Quiero saber que crea." 

I thought it was the perfect answer. It wasn't a lie, for I did want to know what Bella was thinking. However, to my teacher it sounded as if I wanted to know what she was thinking, as I didn't specify to whom the pronoun referred. I finished off the answer with a brilliant, wide smile, hoping the teacher would move on and forget all about me for the rest of the class.

_Good lord, he's handsome. Let it go. Just move on and don't think about him that way._

"Que chistoso, Eduardo!"

It worked. I wasn't bothered for the rest of the hour. Instead of Spanish, I kept my mind focused on the one person I envied most at this moment, which ironically was Mike Newton. He was bravely partnering Bella in a game of badminton. Brave was the perfect term for it as Bella managed to nearly take him out with one swing of her racket. She only clipped him on the shoulder, though, and saved the real wallop for her own head. That confirmed it; Bella Swan was the most accident-prone human being who ever lived. Mike was taking a real risk being her partner. However, I had to give the boy credit for being polite to her. Regardless of how truly horrid she was as a player, Mike always managed to include her in the victory whenever they — or rather he - won a game.

All through the period I expected Mike to bring up Bella's growing relationship with me, since that had been the only thing on his mind other than hitting the birdie over the net. His thoughts were a jumbled mess of questions and derogatory comments, all aimed at making Bella see just how dreadfully wrong she was about me. I nearly laughed at the irony of Mike trying to convince her to stay away from me when I had been doing the same thing for days now.

It wasn't until the end of the class that Mike worked up the courage to confront her about the situation. I completely ignored the assignment being given in my own Spanish class and paid close attention to Mike and his spiteful mind.

_Just be casual. Ask gently. You and Cullen, huh?_

Just because it isn't my business doesn't mean I have to like it.

I don't like the way he looks at her. He looks…hungry. It's not right.

I was startled by the perceptivity of the thought. And even more amazed at how easily Bella brushed it off. In Mike's mind, I could see her walking away from him, unfazed by the candid comment. It really didn't affect her that at any given time I could end her precious life without her ever knowing what hit her. It was perverse of me to think it, but knowing how much she trusted me made me love her even more.

Mike, on the other hand, was a nuisance. I hated to admit that he was right in thinking that Bella shouldn't be around me. Still, that was for me to deal with. Bella wasn't interested in him, and in my opinion, Bella's safety was not his worry. That was my job. There wasn't any room for Mike Newton in this picture. I forced myself to ignore his immature thoughts and focus on Bella.

I waited for her at the door to the gym. My mind raced through the facts I had learned over the last twenty-four hours, taking account of how I felt concerning those facts. First of all, Bella knew what I was and, even though she should be repulsed and terrified, she didn't hate me for it. Which lead me to fact number two. She cared about me. More than cared…she could possibly love me. Even though I had always known love in my life, it had always been love from family members. I knew my real father and mother had loved me. Carlisle and Esme loved me as their son, and even Alice loved me as a brother. Yet I had never experienced romantic love of any kind. It was new and exciting territory to be in.

When she walked out of the gym, she seemed genuinely surprised that I was waiting for her. I wondered how long it would take her to realize that I was attached to her.

"Hi," she smiled brightly, warming my heart.

"Hello." I smiled back at her, careful to not give the toothy grin reserved for startling people. "How was gym?" I asked as innocently as possible.

Her smile fell a bit. "Fine." 

Liar. "Really?" I wanted to call her out on this one, but my attention was drawn to the person sending vicious thoughts in my direction. Mike Newton stood in the distance, glowering and threatening me in his mind. When Bella turned to find what I was looking at, Newton took the non-confrontational route and stalked away.

"What?" she asked.

I looked down into her brown eyes and answered honestly. "Newton's getting on my nerves."

"You weren't listening again?" She sounded rather upset.

"How's your head?" I asked, ignoring the rise in her temper.

"You're unbelievable!" Turning away from me, she stomped out to the parking lot in a rather funny display of anger. She was so lovely when she was angry, not that it was my favorite of all her emotions, but it did always make her cheeks turn a delicious shade of pink. Of course, I had learned a few other ways to provoke the same reaction on her skin without making her mad. For now though, she was mad, and I owed her an explanation.

I fell in step next to her and said, "You were the one that mentioned how I'd never seen you in gym–it made me curious."

Something in the way she ignored me told me that my reason for watching her wasn't a good one. This didn't bode well. Perhaps she was just a little angrier than I assumed. She continued her march forward without so much as a word to me, and only stopped when we were a few steps away from my car.

A herd of teenage boys stood around Rosalie's car, coveting the vehicle and gaping at its glory. I brushed past them and got into my car. "Ostentatious," I muttered to myself.

Bella was climbing into the passenger side of the car. The gentleman in me told me that I should have opened her door for her, but I had the feeling that Bella would take that as a sign that I was being too protective or some other silly thing I was quickly growing used to. Plus, I was grateful she was getting into the car at all considering that she hadn't said a word to me since she stalked away after gym.

When Bella did choose to speak, at long last, it took me by surprise.

"What kind of car is that?" she asked.

I hadn't been expecting that sort of question. I was prepared for a verbal scolding on personal privacy. Clearly, I wasn't yet in tune with the inner workings of Bella's mind. I wondered if I would ever be.

"An M3," I answered her hastily.

"I don't speak _Car and Driver_." She was still obviously upset because her tone was far from pleasant.

I hadn't said anything to belittle her; I only answered her question. Apparently, she wanted something simpler. "It's a BMW," I offered, rolling my eyes and pulling out of the parking space while trying to avoid the mass of boys still looking longingly at Rosalie's automobile.

The only reply I got was a nod.

"Are you still angry?" I asked, even though I knew the answer. Mind reading wasn't necessary for this one.

"Definitely."

In my opinion, it was silly to be angry over something I had warned her about, but I couldn't stand the idea of her being angry with me. "Will you forgive me if I apologize?" I offered.

"Maybe…if you mean it. _And_ if you promise not to do it again."

Never do it again? Was she insane? How could I promise to never again listen in on her life? That would only leave her open to more accidents than I could even imagine. It was out of the question. I would simply have to change the conditions.

"How about if I mean it, _and_ I agree to let you drive Saturday?" It pained me to make the offer, but at least I was giving her something she wanted in exchange for not making such a ridiculous promise.

She considered it for a moment, and then agreed. "Deal."

I turned to look at her intently. "Then I'm very sorry I upset you." Her breathing hitched and I heard her heartbeat pulse erratically. She obviously believed me. "And I'll be on your doorstep bright and early Saturday morning," I added with a playful grin.

"Um, it doesn't help with the Charlie situation if an unexplained Volvo is left in the driveway."

I very nearly rolled my eyes at her, but I held my smile. "I wasn't intending to bring a car." Sooner or later she would stop thinking of me as a human.

"How–" 

"Don't worry about it," I interrupted her. "I'll be there, no car." Today wasn't the day to explain everything.

"Is it later yet?" she asked pointedly.

Or maybe it was the day. Did she have to learn all the gory details in one day? "I suppose it is later."

She sat quietly and waited for me to continue. I knew what she wanted. At lunch I had promised her that I would tell her exactly why she couldn't watch me as I hunted. It seemed pointless to me because of how obvious the answer was, but it wasn't obvious to Bella. Naturally, her sense of self-preservation was completely null and void.

I stopped the car behind her truck and looked over at her, trying to decide just how ready she was to hear the whole truth. I'd already decided to tell it to her, I just wasn't expecting to do it today. I thoroughly enjoyed this euphoric feeling of being in love and wasn't quite ready to end it just yet, for I was worried that once she knew everything she would run away in terror.

But then she turned her eyes to meet mine and whatever I was worried about seemed to fade. Her eyes looked on me with such gentleness. I could refuse her nothing.

"And you still want to know why you can't see me hunt?" It was almost comical that I would have to explain this to her. The predator telling the prey how he hunted.

"Well," she refined, "I was mostly wondering about your reaction."

I wondered about her reaction to my reaction. "Did I frighten you?"

"No." She was a terrible liar.

"I apologize for scaring you," I expressed, in spite of her insistence that she wasn't scared. And then my mood shifted as I considered, yet again, what it would be like to have Bella near me while I was in my most natural state. "It was just the very thought of you being there…while we hunted." I could barely manage the words.

"That would be bad?"

Bad was an understatement. "Extremely."

"Because…?"

I dreaded admitting this to her — that I desired her blood over all others — but that was the answer to her question. If my senses were openly seeking blood, and my thirst was such that I would attack the closest and weakest creature around, I shuddered to think what I could do to Bella. Even though I was determined not to hurt her, I wasn't so foolish to realize how futile that would be if I were truly thirsty and in a hunting state of mind.

Yet I owed her an answer. Something that wouldn't scare her too terribly.

I inhaled deeply and looked up at the sky, for there was no way I could get through this while looking into her sweet eyes. "When we hunt," I started slowly, cautiously, "we give ourselves over to our senses…govern less with our minds. Especially our sense of smell. If you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way…" I couldn't finish the sentence. An image filled my mind of Bella screaming and running helplessly away from me as I chased her down. I shook it off and forced myself to turn my gaze back to her face and see the gentleness there, to focus on the purity and the love. I would never hurt her — _could_ never hurt her. I would destroy myself before I allowed that to happen.

The familiar electric pulse I had experienced only a few hours ago returned in full force. It seemed impossible, but I was suddenly more aware of her than I had been all day. The deep chocolate of her eyes pulled me in, captivating me. Her breathing had all but stopped as she gazed back at me. The gentle separation between her full lips allowed me a glimpse of her tongue and I couldn't help but wonder what she would taste like. The soft blush on her skin served as a reminder of her humanity. Her blood was pounding in her veins, hard and strong, calling me to her. How tempting she was, and in more ways than one. My thirst roared to life.

She drew in a long, ragged breath, breaking up the electric connection enough for me to regain my own sanity. I knew in that moment that I was in too deep. I had to leave her before my lust for her blood…for her body, overwhelmed me. I'd never felt this sort of desire before and I wasn't sure how well I could maintain a distance from her or how long I could refrain from touching her.

I closed my eyes and forced my voice to say, "Bella, I think you should go inside now."

The sound of her door opening and the rush of fresh air that filled the car was a welcome distraction. She stepped out of the car and the door shut behind her. I didn't want her to leave thinking poorly of me, for I wasn't certain how she was feeling about the moment that had just passed between us. I couldn't tell if her inability to balance properly right now was because she had felt something similar to what I had felt or if that was just typical Bella.

I rolled down the automatic passenger side window and called to her, my voice sounding smoother than it had a moment earlier. "Oh, Bella?"

"Yes?" she turned to look at me.

"Tomorrow it's my turn."

"Your turn to what?"

I couldn't help the wide smile from forming. "Ask the questions."

I pulled the car away from her house before she could protest


End file.
